"Don't leave yet," Beck interrupted my train of racing thoughts. "Look, do you want to talk about this? I mean, we don't have to anything, if you don't want to. I'll understand." My bottom lip trembled, upon imagining the prospect of having to get any words of. The thing was, I couldn't even put my mind, my brain around what I wanted to voice, it just wasn't happening. I had frozen in place, just as Beck had leaned in, his lips straying close to my own and here I was, sitting Indian style on a twin cot, the pumpkin orange duvet bunched around my ankles, tugging on the ends of my long, straight mocha brown hair nervously.
"It's Andre', I mean I don't want to break his heart like that." I said quietly, feeling my pulse quicken and the blood rush to my cheeks, a flaming scarlet hue. Classy, I thought melancholy all of a sudden. Of, course it would only happen to you, Tori. You get so caught up in all your anxiety and you flush like a petty school girl in front of the hottest guy imaginable to ever walk the Earth. Only you.
"Tori," Beck laughed at my worry. "Are you serious right now? Because Andre' and Jade… they're hooking up right now."
"Yeah?" I challenged. "That still doesn't mean, he won't be thinking about me the whole time."
"Holy shit," Beck crowed, eyes widening in disbelief. "You love him, don't you?"
"What?" My eye brows knit together in confusion. "No, I don't love the guy! Of course not. No, no, no! He's just a really good friend…"
"You LOVE him," Beck pressed, shifting away from my body and glancing at me sideways.
"I do not love him," I charged towards him in that instant, bracing my hands on the side of his face and kissing him urgently. My touch was met with groping hands, and wild moans, heat sizzled from the pit in my belly. I swallowed hard, concentrating on the contours of his chiseled hips, the tousled jet black hair that framed his temple, those dark eyes that melted me from the inside out, anything to not dwell on the fact that Andre' and his gravelly voice, and his warm sepia hands was flitting through my mind, anything to distract myself from the thought of loving.
Beck pushed me toward the bed, his thumbs pinching the ends of my lingerie, and tugging the underwear down my hips. His face was scrunched with lust, his lips curved into a smile dripping with seduction. I chose to focus only on the bare, stucco ceiling, at the crappy glow-in-the-dark stars pasted to the walls, probably purchased at some thrift store from downtown. Who knew? He was so hard, pounding into the walls of me. So hard that any thought linked to Andre' died out. I gasped, an orgasm built up inside me, like a tsunami, crashing over me in waves.
"So sexy," I moaned.
"What's that?"
"You're so sexy," I murmured into his shoulder. He smiled at that, cupping my breasts, slowing down the rate of my heartbeat…
And at some point in my life, I like to forget this period. I don't like to be reminded of the silly mistakes , all of us, as human beings make, the problems we endure, the jokes we suffer through, all at the expense of what? I don't like to reflect because that was the night I got pregnant.