AN: Hey! This is a fanfic I've been thinking about writing for like forever. I dunno, lately I've been really into the whole real-life drama stuff. I'm kinda borrowing Laurie Halse Anderson's writing style. Plus, this was inspired by her book Speak (which is an awesome book, by the way.) Still, it's not going to be the same, in case you're wondering. Yeah, I know I talk too much. Hope you like it! Please keep mean comments to yourself.

Nobody Knows

Chapter 1

No one seemed to be able to wait for winter break. It was all they talked about since December began: where they'd go, what they were buying for others, who they went shopping with, whose party they were going to. It wasn't any different for my friends.

Ino, my self-proclaimed BFFL, wouldn't shut up even during class.

"You have got to come over some time!" she told me. "Ooh!" My ears rang from her squeal. "I can't wait to show you my new dress! I just bought it yesterday, and it is gorgeous! Once you get a peak at it, I swear you're so going to regret not going shopping with me!"

Her glossed lips were stretched into the happiest grin I'd ever seen from her. It seemed as though Ino was so full of excitement that her skin was barely able to contain it, stretching tighttighttight, threatening to tear open and release her feelings to the room.

If that happened, maybe I'd be able to be happy for the holidays too. Maybe raindrops are actually gummy bears and Kakashi-sensei was actually the earliest to class today.

"My parents are throwing a Christmas party this Sunday," she went on. "The only people who are coming are a bunch of middle-aged friends from when they were in school like a century ago. Can you please come, Sakura? Please! I'm going to be all alone there! Well, I guess a few parents are going to drag their kids along, but I don't know any of them and they're probably toddlers anyway. They said it's alright if I invited you because they know you, and you know anyone who knows you knows what a goody two-shoes you are – no offense. They won't let me invite anyone besides you, though, so Tenten and Hinata won't be there. But you've got to come because you know you love me and–"

"Ino, chill out," I ordered. "I'll go. In fact, I'd be happy to go. What time?"

Her blue eyes flew open like I was crazy for accepting the invitation she'd beg me to take. After a pause, she shrieked and tackled me in a hug that squeezed all of the oxygen out of my lungs. "Thank you! I love you so much!" When she let go, I saw a smudge of eyeliner on my jacket in the place her eyes had been.

"Yeah, yeah, I know," I said tiredly.

XXX

Mom was reluctant to let me go to Ino's party.

"You're barely in the house at all these days, honey," she said as she took three sizzling hot pockets out of the microwave, careful not to touch them directly. Her stomach still looked the same as always: flat. You'd never guess that a pair of babies was busy developing in there. "I've been hoping we could eat together during the weekend, you know, act more like a family."

If she really wanted a family then she should (dump the Horse/take me and run away/get back together with dad so I can smile again) try a family therapy session. I heard they worked well.

"We can always do that later," I said, hoping to whoever was listening that we wouldn't. "Christmas parties only come once a year."

I could see her considering this.

"I'll help you shop next weekend, too," I added. "I promise."

Her eyes brightened. Christmas shopping was one of her favorite things to do, especially when I went with her. Ever since sixth grade, though, I'd been reluctant to go. This had disappointed her big time, so hearing me say what I had was like a magic spell.

"Alright, then," she agreed. "Why don't you bring something for the party? Maybe some cookies or eggnog; Mr. Yamanaka just loves eggnog. How about a Christmas cake? We could bake it together! We haven't done for years!"

I smiled at mom's enthusiasm. At least one of us was happy.

Sunday seemed to come too quickly and too slowly all at once. Mom and I decided to go with the eggnog and cake idea. We spent most of Sunday morning baking together in the kitchen. Occasionally, mom would run out of the room rather unceremoniously to throw up. What did they call that again? Noon sickness?

The cake was a masterpiece mom and I had put together from scratch, no Betty Crocker Baking Mix involved. The sponge cake came out nicely. We made a coffee frosting with a heavenly fragrance, spreading it all around and inside the cake. After that, we topped it with lame looking dollops of whipped cream and strawberries. In our enthusiasm, we left the "Christmas" part out of the Christmas cake, but that didn't matter. It smelled amazing, even if it didn't look it.

"I think we did a good job," I said, looking at the cake appreciatively.

"A good job?" mom snorted. "Sakura, when they get a whiff of this, their heads are going to explode."

I laughed. It felt like the first genuine one I'd had for an eternity. The sound died in my throat when a voice from the doorway said, "What do we have here?"

Go away go away go away go away go away go away go away go away leave me alone just go away please-

He didn't go away. He strolled right through and wrapped his arms around my mom's waist lovingly as if he cared. She giggled like a girl with her first crush.

Please. Just. Disappear.

"Sakura and I made a cake for the Yamanakas party tonight. Doesn't it smell great?" Her smile was so bright I had to look away, afraid the light would burn away my eyeballs. I felt his eyes for a brief second.

My chest tightened, my lungs were draining, my hands were sweating, and my teeth were grinding together. My heart slammed against my ribs, shattering them and letting the leftovers fall into my feet. The room was gone, the cake was gone, and all I could see or smell or hear or taste or feel was a nightmare that wouldn't release its iron grip on my mind. I was breaking and hurting and dying and screaming and bursting from the inside and nobody could tell.

"Sakura," he whispered into my ear.

I cringed, tried to curl into a ball, but he didn't want that. I was trapped in a position of helplessness, fighting against a brick wall.

"Stay still and listen to me."

I froze at the unspoken threat hanging in the air around us.

"Be a good girl and keep quiet." His voice was sweet venom that would kill the second it entered a vein. "This is our little secret. You're not going to tell anybody, right? I don't want anybody to know about this."

As he said, nobody knew.

AN: I know it's short. ^^' For now I'm just trying to get a feel of things, I guess. Anyway, please comment! :D I looooooooove comments! XD (no flames, please)