Day 1: Mom and dad went down to go sailing. Very suspicious as Dad gets seasick and Mom can't swim. Also, we don't have a boat and no one that we know has a boat. I think that they're going to Bree without telling me. Sam told me that my eyes are overly large and that they are more blue than the clearest sky. Very distressing, always thought that Sam was sensible and quite normal.
Day 2: Mom and Dad not back yet, am very worried. Disgraced adventurous hobbit turned out to be my uncle Bilbo. Must hide the connection. Got no less than ten anonymous letters telling me how big and bright not to mention dazzling my eyes were. I recognized the handwriting on two of them, not Merry and Pippin too!
Day 3: Am very sad. Turns out that Mom and Dad did go sailing but they both drowned. Feel very guilty for suspecting them. Will get shipped off to the Shire orphanage tomorrow.
Day 4: Orphanage not so bad, met lots of nice people. Crazy lunatic who never heard of the "never go and kill a dragon" saying tried to adopt me. Thank goodness they got him a psychiatrist.
Day 5: Lunatic of an uncle finally got me. So much for hiding connection with Bilbo. Within easy walking distance from Sam, Merry, and Pippin now so no more odd questions from post man anymore. This isn't all bad than.
Day 1000: Bilbo's and my birthday today. I am actually forming a bond with Bilbo. Either Bilbo isn't so crazy after all or I'm going crazy. Either way Sam, Merry , and Pippin stopped singing songs about my eyes. They aren't really as big and round as the bottom of a mug are they? saw Gandalf today, am starting to like him too.
Day 1001: Bilbo caused big scene at party and then bolted. So he was the one that robbed that bank, I knew it! Gandalf sent me off with a ring. When he gave it to me on one knee I was startled, flattered, and a little bit freaked out. When I said no Gandalf went all pale and shoved me out the door with good old Sam.
Day 1002: Met Merry and Pippin in field and they're coming with us to wherever we're going. Merry over exaggerated with broken carrot, sometimes I wonder about that hobbit.
Day 1030: Met big man that doesn't wash his hair. Apparently is obsessed with becoming king. He doesn't tell us his name and goes by Strider, I bet that he's named something like Bob, Steve or maybe a girly name like Augustine or maybe Estel.
Day 1033: Got stabbed with morgul blade (shoot, curse you ring wraith #1) Got healed by scary elf lady who has a thing for "strider". Can elves not smell or something because if I was any taller than three feet tall I wouldn't go near him with all of those odors coming off of his hair. Are hobbits the only beings on Middle-Earth that cares about personal hygiene?
Day 1040: In Rivendell and am back with Bilbo. Lots of elves here, so pretty here.
Day 1041: Just when I'm settling down, Elrond comes in his big puffy dress and hair ribbons and kicks me out. However will be accompanied by Sam, Merry, Pippin, Mr. Pompous blow the horn of Gondor, Pretty boy elf, dwarfy friend, Mr. I hate personal hygiene, and Gandalf. I couldn't be in a worse situation.
Day 1050: Well I'm in a worse situation. Am in Mines or Moria and am finding it hard to write. Am being kicked around by cave troll.
Day 2000: was to lazy to write but ring is gone, Mr. Pompous is dead, strider finally washed his hair, Gandalf bleached himself, and I lost a finger and I met little mad man with multiple personalities.