A/N: This is the first chapter to a story by Hope. Flies w fiction s/4093501/1/Choices She has kindly given me permission to continue it, since she cannot. I'm trying to re-write the first seven chapters so that they work a little better with my plan for the story. This first chapter encompasses the first and second chapters of the original story.

Disclaimer: Nothing's mine…ever…well, except the writing, and only if the reviews are good ;3

Chapter 1

I'm not sure what's supposed to go through your mind as you stand at the edge of a cliff, preparing to jump off, but I'm pretty sure it's not what's going through mine. At first, it's bliss. I hear his voice. He's saying lovely warnings that help me pretend he cares, but then there's another voice: "What about Charlie? What about Jake? What about Renee?" Suddenly, crash after crash on my motorcycle, dangerous outings with strangers at night, run-ins with vampires, visions of danger race past my eyes. "You've been reckless," the voice says. "Don't do this. What if this one goes too far? You can't leave your life."

Finally, his voice again says, "Stay with Jacob, Bella. Let him help you. Let him heal you."

"It's remarkable how much it almost sounds like he cares," I whimper aloud. As I back away from the edge, the hole in my chest tears, its desire unsatisfied, the edges roaring in anger. A part of me realizes that maybe the hole would never be satisfied until I was dead, until it's swallowed me whole. I have to do as he asks in my mind. I have to let Jacob help. The hole widens, throbbing, and I clutch my chest closed, panting, out-of-breath from the pain. My legs crumple beneath me as the sobs come in wrenching gasps.

"Bella!" Jacob's voice, but everything is so foggy. "Bella, are you okay?" he asks, and his voice seems slightly clearer. He checks my pulse, checks my breathing, and then he tries to help me stand. "Bella honey, we need to get you warm. Can you stand? Is anything broken?" I think I shake my head, but it's impossible to tell. The hole feels like it might tear me in two. Jacob finally gives up on getting any response out of me I suppose, because heat cuts through the fog like a knife, and I'm in his arms, being carried to the truck, heater at full blast. Jacob's arms are around me, and all I can think is, "What if I can't? This hole is too much. What if I can't let him heal me? What if he can't in the first place?" Another wave of pain hits as Jacob starts to drive me away from the cliff, and I finally pass out.

When I wake up, I can tell I'm in the Black house. Jacob is snoring in the easy chair that I know is just outside of my vision. I'm too stiff to turn my head and look for him. I can hear Billy, just wheeling into the house. Charlie comes in behind him. They've been fishing, and guessing from Charlie's enthusiasm, their trip was a success.

They must have come up behind me because Billy grunts. "Hmm. Bella's here." This must be directed at Charlie.

"She looks like hell again," Charlie mutters, clearly concerned.

"Thanks," I groan, startling them both as I sit up.

"Oh. Hey Bells, honey," Charlie stammers. "How are you?"

He looks afraid of the answer.

I wonder what I should say. Hey, I almost jumped off a cliff, but I didn't. Aren't you proud? Hey, I feel like I've been hit by a bus, but I'm expecting this fifteen year old kid, sleeping on the chair over there to heal me all up? Hey, I have a hole in my chest that's trying to kill me, given to me by…that vampire. But I stepped back. I didn't go over the ledge, and that has to be a start. So, for the first time in a long time, I feel I can say truthfully:

"I'm okay. I'm going to be okay."

Charlie is stunned. I must actually sound like I believe it too. That is shocking.

"Good. That's good Bella." Charlie steps around the sofa to give me an awkward hug. "Real good," he breathes into my shoulder as he gives it a squeeze before pulling back.

I just smile and shift on my feet until Billy asks me to go get some sodas from the garage for him. He also suggests I wake Jacob. He's probably right. We need to talk. So I walk over to where Jacob is sprawled out in the old, fading easy chair. He looks younger, with his mouth hanging open and a little drool gathering at the edge of his lips. I wipe it gently with the pad of my thumb before I whisper his name.

"Jacob. Wake up."

He jerks awake and sleepily mumbles, "Bella?" He sees me then and smiles. "Bella. You look good," he says as he sits up.

"Ha. Very funny," I deadpan. "Billy wants us to get sodas," I pull at his arm, but it doesn't budge. "Come on."

"Okay, sure sure."

As we walk in the dark night to Jacob's garage, he holds my hand…to keep me from falling of course. The moon is bright in the sky. I feel like it's now or never. If I'm going to let him try to heal me, he has to know all the damage. I don't even know how to begin though. How do you explain a hurt so deep that it cuts chunks out of you? How do you explain a longing so strong that you can hear it? I decide to start with what I know.

"Jacob…you know what I was going to do…at the cliff. Right?"

He doesn't speak for a while. I can see his jaw clench, his head weighed down, like there's some invisible string tying his eyes to his feet. His hand grips mine with a force that is borderline painful. I'm actually impressed he has the presence of mind not to break the tiny bones because he seems far away.

I want to prompt him, but at the same time, I'm afraid of what he might say.

"Yes. I know. You mumbled after you passed out."

I blush then. "Oh my goodness. What did I say?" I'm worried that my mind made the experience into something it wasn't…and yet what it was. How do I explain that I wasn't actually trying to kill myself, at least not in so many words or intentions. I just wanted to hear him. I wanted to feel something other than the tearing, roaring, clawing hole. I knew that I might die, but that was really only a side effect, one I didn't realize my body wanted until I was standing at the edge. My soul has no desire to live without ... him.

"You said: 'I was just going to cliff-dive Edward. I was just going to cliff-dive.'"

I can tell he's watching me for my response to the name. He knows the unwritten rules. He never says the name, but he actually hurls it this time. He hurls it like a throwing knife, aiming for my heart. I flinch.

"Jacob, I…" He cuts me off with a gesture, but I won't be silenced. I stop us, causing me to stumble a little as he tries to keep moving forward for a second, unaware. He catches me before I can fall and just mumbles my name under his breath.

"Jacob, I hear his voice…in my head. When I'm in danger, I hear him. That's why I wanted to cliff-dive. I know it's stupid, and I shouldn't have even considered it, but I just miss him so much." I fall into tears then, and Jacob gathers me into a warm hug, making the comforting shushing noise I love. As soon as I feel stronger, I break away.

"Jacob, this time he told me to stop. Well, he always tells me to stop, but this time was different. There was another voice…it reminded me about Charlie, Renee…and you…what I'd be leaving behind. It took everything I had to pull back from the cliff, but I did. I did because…" Oh God. This was the hard part. How do I ask him for this? How can I do this to him? He wants to be with me, broken, but he doesn't understand what that means, not really.

"I'm glad you did Bella. I'm glad you did." He strokes my hair. It almost feels like he knows what I need to say and is accepting that I can't say it. I pull back violently. I have to say it!

"Jacob, He told me to let him go, and I want to. He told me to let you help, but I need you to understand what you'd be getting into."

"Bella, I know. You're broken. I see it every day, and it breaks me. I know." He strokes my cheek. "But I'm not going anywhere. I'm here for you as long as you need me and after if that comes."

Here it is. This is the moment we'd been dancing around for months. It would only take three words. The hole in my chest tries to strangle them before they can leave my throat, but I spit them out before it can succeed….before it can kill me. "I need you." I gasp as soon as they've left my mouth. I crumple to the ground, gasping and sobbing alternately. He's right there, gathering me to his chest. He takes me to the garage where it smells like him.

In the front seat of the Rabbit, clutching my chest, I can feel it heal some as Jacob puts back the first piece of my heart. He kisses me, and I don't recoil. It's just a simple, close-mouthed, sweet kiss. I don't respond, but the edges of my hole don't feel as ragged as they were. That other voice whispers. "He's going to be here for you."

As soon as I've managed to calm down, we grab the sodas and head back to the house. I offer to fry up some of the fish Charlie and Billy brought back, and I cook up some spaghetti too, since it's all Billy has in the house. We all sit and eat, quietly, but Jacob holds my hand under the table.

When we leave, Charlie and Billy leave Jacob and I alone for a minute to say goodbye. We don't exchange any words. We don't touch. He just looks in my eyes, and I look in his, and then I turn around and leave with Charlie. In the car, I know Charlie can tell something is different. I don't feel as hollow. I can stare out the window and see what's passing. He keeps looking over as if I was a rare new bird, every couple of seconds opening his mouth to say something then changing his mind.

It's when we pull into the driveway that everything goes to hell. Charlie sees the car a half second before me. He immediately puts his cruiser in park. He's opening the door like he's the devil out of hell and heading towards the Volvo…the Cullen's car. I was just starting to feel like healing might be possible, and then this! NO! I won't let him do this to me! I'm not a light switch or some toy…on…off. NO! I come flying out the car, Medusa to Charlie's Satan. I march up to the car and…it's empty. Well of course he would just walk right in my house like he owned the place! I stomp to the front porch. "Why couldn't that one thing be true," I mumble under my breath, thinking of the stories I read growing up, the movies I saw, where the evil has to be invited in. You have to spell your own doom, but this, this is not my fault! I charge into my house with words filling my mouth, but they all fly away when I see the pixie-like creature standing in the kitchen.

"Alice?"