The sexual tension between Bruce and Tony was almost too much to bear. Steve Rogers could hardly focus on the meeting with the scientists staring at each other and mouthing comments.

It was starting to affect everyone. Clint and Natasha were both glaring at the pair and Thor was looking amused. Steve guessed that there weren't many gay men on whatever planet Thor was from.

Except Loki.

Steve laughed at his own joke. His chuckle snapped Tony out of his reverie. Any chance to insult him.

"What you laughing at, Frozen?" Tony raised his eyebrow.

"You wouldn't understand." Steve said, snootily. Although Tony would probably approve.

"I love Frozen. Disney film. Wasn't it just great?" Bruce interrupted them with a sigh. "Genius, you were going to get me the DVD."

"It's not your birthday yet. Two more weeks." Tony said.

"But I did give you the idea of a glove that anyone could put on and shoot lasers and shit like that." Bruce said.

"Then you sat on it." Tony glared at him. Bruce smirked.

Nick Fury rolled his eyes. "Avengers! Concentrate! Stark, what's the problem?" he boomed.

Clint jumped slightly.

"Well, my fellow superheroes, the problem is that you've all noticed some serious awkward tension in the air." Tony stood up and tapped the big screen. A photo of the Avengers popped up.

"Finally." Natasha sighed.

"Let's start with you, Natasha." Tony used his laser pointer and circled Natasha then Clint. "And you, Clint. The tension here is unbearable. It's affecting your work, your training and your relationship. Just date already."

Clint turned a fiery shade of red and ignored Thor's whispers of get in there.

"Thor." Tony shook his head. "Thor, Thor, Thor."

"What?"

"Where do I start? Maria Hill." Tony said and Thor groaned.

"The human woman approached me, in a tight suit, and seduced me."

"And the almighty God let himself be seduced?" Tony asked. "Now, onto Cap'n 'America."

"Me?" Steve's face was priceless

"You." Tony nodded.

"I'm fine. I haven't done anything." Steve protested.

"That's the problem. You don't do much. Sure, you have that secret identity shit."

"The superhero shit, you mean? Where I continually save the planet from mass chaos and destruction?" Steve raised his eyebrow.

"Yes. That. But Nat and Clint are spies. Thor's this big God man. Me and Brucie are scientists."

"Brucie? And I'm a womaniser." Steve grinned.

"Well, not really." Natasha said.

"I am."

"Before you were frozen perhaps, but how many women have you slept with post-freezing?"

Tony wondered how this conversation had turned to a talk about Captain's sex life.

"In a bed?" Steve asked.

"Well, not always in a bed." Thor smirked. At Steve's confused expression, he sighed. "Sure, for one as conservative as you, in a bed."

"I slept in a bed with my -dead- sister's great-grandchild's niece." Steve said.

"So you're a relative of hers?" Bruce asked.

"Distant." Steve confirmed.

"But still related?" Clint said.

"Yes, I suppose."

"You slept with your relative?"

"Yes, have you not shared a bed and slumber with a relative before?"

Tony stared at him in disbelief. "No!"

Clint and Natasha were looking horrified. Thor was concealing a laugh. Bruce and Tony were just staring.

"It's fun. We caught up on our family before we slept together." Steve said.

"Wait. You talked about your family then slept together. With your relative." Tony shuddered. "You're even more sexually messed up than Thor."

"I see an opportunity, I take it." Thor shrugged then turned to Natasha. "Isn't that right, hot stuff?"

"What?" Natasha asked.

"I said you know all about my sexuality."

"I'm still confused."

"Sexually messed up? That means I Ike strange sex right?" Steve asked Tony and Bruce.

"Yes, I suppose." Bruce said thoughtfully. "It'd be a good experiment to conduct..."

"How is sleeping with a relative sexually messed up?" Steve interrupted him.

"How is it not?" Tony said.

"It's just two people together in a bed."

"You're related!"

"You never slept with your sister or such?"

"Oh my God." Tony closed his eyes.

"But sleepovers? I assume that's when people sleep in the same bed together."

"But they don't sleep together." Tony sighed.

"I'd like to make it known that I haven't slept with Thor!" Natasha told them.

"Yet." Thor said.

"Wait. I know what's going on." Bruce said. "Steve what did you do when you slept together?"

"Oh gross. My sex life is vivid enough, I don't need to hear Frozen's." Tony made a face.

"We slept. Duh." Steve rolled his eyes.

"You mean. You slept with your relative? Like slept, sleeping and dreaming?" Bruce asked.

"Yes."

"Thank Christ."

"Why? What did you think I meant?"

Clint glanced at the group. "Should we tell him?"

"Tell me what?"

"Should we? Group decision. Personally I vote yes."

"No. Keep his innocence." Natasha said.

"Yes. This is hilarious." Thor winked at Natasha.

"Yes. He needs to know the modern lingo." Tony said.

"No." Bruce gave Tony a glare. "I like his old-fashioned ways."

"So we'll tell him?" Tony asked.

"Sure." Clint said.

"Tell me what?"

"Captain, you know many modern words. Especially for having sex." Thor began.

"Like banging, blah, blah, blah." Clint continued.

"But another one is sleeping together. So when you said you slept with your relative," Tony trailed off.

"We thought you'd banged your relative." Natasha said bluntly.

"Oh my God! Ew! You guys have bad minds! Bad minds!" Steve glared at them.

"Well, you didn't help yourself! Surely you must have heard that expression before!" Tony protested.

"No! Or do you think I would have said I'd slept with my relative?"

"Maybe. I have a great story that starts with a distant step-cousin-in-law and a bed." Thor said with pride.

Pride.

...

"The meeting's over, Nick." Tony laid his hand on Fury's shoulder as everyone passed him as they left.

"Okay, Stark." Fury said. "And don't call me Nick."

"Sure thing. Nick."

Have only seen Avengers once but am a big enough fan rn to write 10000 fanfics about them. R&R. Review ideas for future chapters as well. These will be one-shots or I'll do part 1, part 2, blah, blah, blah.