It happened to be a very eventful day for the month of June, which was usually comprised of languid and slightly sweaty afternoons under shady trees. Today was a blur of pranks; Purple haired slytherins with noses turned to Tucan beaks, Hufflepuffs oozing cream filling from their ears and even a few Ravenclaws sprouting very large orange horns on their foreheads. James and Sirius had used so many hexes in one afternoon that even Dumbledore seemed vaguely impressed through his disapproving lecture. Various detentions were assigned and Peter groaned about how awful cleaning the lavatories was and to be honest no one was really listening to him at all. Dinner was quieter at least, with Sirius grinned madly over his shepherd's pie, nudging Remus's knee every once in a while to remind him of some exploit where Remus had been present, thank you very much for noticing.

The day drew to a close and so the world would have it, Remus Lupin was barely hanging on to consciousness as he bumbled about his evening routine. With an almost dramatic flourish he fell into the warm red covers and curled up tightly, welcoming the embrace of sleep.

There was a lot of sand. Smooth wet sand that squished around when he moved his toes and was so dark it looked almost like mud. There was also pale white sand that was luminescent in the glaring sun and obviously dry. He wanted to feel the contrast of the dry warmth but every step he took there was wetter and his feet sunk deeper into the mush.

Then there was a sharp gust of wind and he found himself situated in a plastic lawn chair with a beer bottle so large that it fit comfortably on his lap. It was cut cleanly in half and filled to the brim with bunches of cotton candy. A note lay on the top in swirly purple cursive. ' In my depths awaits a treat, evermore sweet but not to eat. Find it if you please'

Remus's eyes curled around the parchment as he read. He felt that this was indeed a very enticing offer so he commenced sifting through the fluff, his slender fingers slashing through it with a curious ferocity. His shoulders trembled and he knew that very soon something marvelous would happen.

Soon the candy began to give way to the bottom of the bottle which he was surprised to note was not a bottle bottom at all but rather a circular beam of white light. Remus leaned forward to examine the light closer. There was a distant humming sound and the steady beat of a gong somewhere in the vicinity. He took another tentative look before pushing his face forward into the brightness. A warmth enveloped him and he was sliding down some sort of tube made out of heat. After a few seconds he popped out onto a cold hard surface. It was probably a wooden floor but he couldn't see it yet his eyes were dazzled from the sun.

When the pockets of light faded from his eyes he realized he was in a far corridor of the Hogwarts Library but he wasn't alone. Several of his professors were looming over him but they weren't exactly themselves. Actually they were only themselves in the facial area and there bodies were decidedly otherwise. They had long crocodile bodies with thin spindly twig arms and strong whip like tails. They circled around him and Professor Slughorn leaned over and whispered 'BOIL And eat, not very sweet oh not very sweet!' He repeated it louder and the other professor's joined in the chant. Remus sat up and tried to stand but he got caught his knees.

A shaft of yellow light appeared from overhead and Dumbledore entered decked in flowy white sheets and carrying a large golden tray upon which sat an oversized clam. As he approached he began slowly spinning the tray so that the opening faced Remus and to his surprise (the fact that he was still capable of being surprised at this point was one in and of itself) the clam held a nude James Potter covered only in flakes of shimmery blue and purple around his precious parts.

"BOIL and EAT, Not Very Sweet! Grimace Complete! How awful the feat. Not very Sweet!" the professors roared in unison.

Remus was not going to boil and eat James Potter. He steadfast refused and began pleading in earnest to do anything else. He'd complete his work on time forever and make James, Peter and Sirius do the same and no pranks for the rest of the year. None for the rest of his schooling!

Dumbledore placed the tray at his feet and slowly levitated above it. He began to twist and bubble at the edges shifting somehow out of himself and into something else. His body became a purple sort of mist, almost entirely translucent and his beard was soon the only thing opaque. His spectacles slide further down his nose until his wide wise eyes bored into Remus's.

"You shall have 5 wished my dear boy. Choose wisely!" he boomed.

Well first things first he was getting the fuck out of this library and no one was boiling his mate and eating him. Who the fuck even does that? And why were his professor's crocodiles? This was wizarding school not a fucking acid trip! Maybe it was an acid trip but he hadn't remembered taking anything. Also one usually wasn't self aware of tripping balls so he settled on probably not being stoned out of his mind.

Dumbledore reached out and whisked him away in a pool of purple mist. Suddenly he was at an amusement park called 'PleasureLand' and in line for the biggest attraction available: The Cyclone. The line inched forward carefully and Remus was considering the possibilities. Maybe James thought it would be funny to slip in his pumpkin juice just for the hell of it. Usually they didn't test things on him lycanthropy being an unreliable factor and all but he didn't exactly put it above them.

The line moved forward and once he reached the front a very tall and thin man measured him with a red stick. 'Too Short' he declared with a thick foreign accent. Remus attempted to argue, he was certainly tall enough the cut off was four feet for gods sake but a few other tall men approached and ushered him away.

One man with long shaggy red hair, yellowing teeth and feral eyes announced "We're off to the teacups aren't we now." and flashed his rotting teeth in a sly grin. The reached the small children's section of the park and passed through to the teacup ride, surpassing the line and pushing Remus into a lone carriage. The teacup was round and covered in a sickly chipping pink paint and in the center there was a metallic wheel, not silver, which one was meant to spin to increase ones speed. Remus instead knelt and placed his head down onto it wanting fiercely to be back at Hogwarts with his mates.

'Oye! Remus why've you got your head on the wheel. Move it over, I want to go fast!"

Remus startled backwards and then gave a wicked grin. Inexplicably Sirius was there and so the teacups were suddenly a splendid place to be. He patted the space beside him and Sirius ambled into the carriage and plopped down exactly there. He grabbed the wheel with and motioned to Remus to do the same.

The center of the ride flashed orange and a series of chimes went off and then they were spinning. At first it was slow and rather unexciting but than they really began to pull at the wheel with all their strength and let me tell you a werewolf and a quidditch player have rather a lot between the two of them.

The teacup spun faster and faster until it began to blur and Sirius shouted profanities into the air and howled. Remus grinned but stayed silent enjoying the entertainment that was Sirius Black. Soon they were spinning in a column of pinkish swirls and the carriage had all but disappeared save the silly metal wheel. Remus's eyes narrowed and he had a bad feeling about this because change so far had not been for the better in whatever the hell this experience was.

There was a series of chimes similar to those which started the ride but when the spinning stopped they were in a booth at a pub. A very sparkly pub with margaritas floating through the air and disco music playing softly from some corner. The booth itself was a light rosy color and the table was a smooth oak. Remus was sitting on his side wedged in the corner between the table and the chair and Sirius was sitting cross-legged and facing him.

"Appletini?" Sirius offered.

"Sure" Remus replied although he didn't really know what they were apart from a vague recollection of Peter calling them girly. He reached over to pluck a floating glass from the air but was stopped by a pale hand. Sirius shook his head grabbed it himself; then pressed the glass to the other boy's lips. Remus gulped it down in a state one part confusion and two parts pleasure. The drink was tangy sweet and the edge of Sirius's thumb hung precariously close to Remus's chin, close enough for its heat to cast a sort of shadow. When he finished drinking Sirius settled the glass down and to Remus's utter astonishment his thumb resumed its role slightly higher up as the black-haired boy began to trace up Remus's cheek and then curl his hand into the tawny stray locks of his hair.

Remus sat still in a suspension of shock and attraction. This was unreal, literally this was the most bizarre and unrealistic thing to occur in a series of decidedly strange and unlikely occurrences. The other stuff had been jarring and bright with strange people and loud colors but this was soft and impossibly familiar.

Sirius reached up his other hand and cupped Remus's face on both sides an expression of subtle passion gracing his features that made all the blood rush to Remus's cheeks, turning them from a light pink to a full on crismon. Remus stumbled about himself, lifting a hand and putting it back down and tilting his head and then reversing the action. Sirius shifted forward and pressed his lips onto the corner of his mouth breathing lightly. He guided one of Remus's hands to his neck and the other around his waist. Then he placed he'd been using up the front of Remus's shirt and rest it on the center of his chest.

They weren't even kissing yet, just breathing softly on one another and feeling eachothers heat and Remus was more aroused than he had ever even imagined he could be. He pushed back against Sirius's mouth and parted it slowly and the response was instantaneous. They pushed each into each other hesitation replaced with a determination to push harder, taste more, feel further expanses of one another.

Remus pulled away for a moment of breath and then without making a conscious decision latched onto Sirius neck, lapping at it and suckling the soft skin with abandon. Sirius let out a low moan, a sound that in that moment could not compete with any composers music for beauty. It light a flame in Remus's stomach, his desire to continue affirmed. He pulled Sirius's shirt over the boy's head and began to kiss his way across Sirius's chest, paying special attention to his nipples and biting back his own moans as they hardened under his tongue.

Then Remus changed tactics and captured Sirius's mouth again and lavishing the wondrous wetness. How could a mouth feel so nice, so perfect that Remus couldn't help himself from shivering in pleasure. He moved and let out a hot breath against Sirius's ear before laving that with his tongue too. He was going to explore every last bit of Sirius, map it out and claim it as property of Mr. Moony.

Sirius was sighing and whining out words of appreciation. 'Oh yeah, just like that. Moony, oh my god MOONY.'

Sirius began rutting against him and Remus responded with a fervor. They could feel each others erections straining against through there clothed constraints but the moments needed to remove them were too long and they wouldn't know what to do yet anyway so they kissed and rutted and moaned in the seclusion of a bar booth.

Remus cried out sharply and almost screamed Sirius's name but it died on his lips as he rode out his orgasm, bursts of light exploding in front of him and around him as the world was bathed in glory.

When it was over Remus opened his eyes but he wasn't in the bar and there was no Sirius. He was in a four poster bed and his Gryffindor covers were sticky. He flicked himself on the wrist and felt it. He was awake and spent and that was wow. What a fucking first wet dream. Holy shit it was a weird one there were bloody crocodile professors. Did werewolves have LSD like wet dreams? What even was that? Dumbledore was a bloody genie and holy shit.

Oh god and Sirius was in it, he and Sirius were. Bloody fucking hell. He was screwed and majorly screwed at that. Tomorrow was going to be a long and awkward day.