I f***ing love being a human spider.
What? Expected that i say turtle? Deal with it.
Anyway, i love that. My doctor would say that I'm addicted to it, I would thanks him for pointing out the oblivious.
It's just... thrilling. Swinging across the streets, jumping from one roof to another... and boy! Paris is a great playground for that! Maybe not the equivalent of New York, but still great.
Oh! Ya thought i was Peter "spider" Parker? Well nope. The name is Slyn, Slyn Vulpes. It sounds like a pseudonym? Once again, deal with it.
Anyway (I have the feeling I'm going to use a lot this word), you may wonder where my life took a drastic turn? Because let's face it: you don't care about a fake spider-man who stops crooks on a regular basis; it would be like reading the same story over and over. In one word: BOR-ING.
So, the drastic turn: a day like another. It was a Saturday morning, after like we said "une grasse matinée", which mean waking up at nine or ten, getting out of bed at eleven or twelve, i got out of my apartment (WHO COST MY ASS FOR ONE WEEK) and I've gone to buy an special edition of the Don Rosa's Picsou (Scrooge McDuck) youth. If ya said ya haven't heard of it, you have an f***ed up childhood.
Man, i don't know what i have with swearing words today.
Anyway, while i looked for the book on the shelters, a newspaper took my attention at the corner of my eyes. The big title was "Who can stop the spider?".
...
C'mon, this gotta be a joke! The only things I'm doing is running on rooftops, and stopping criminal! Don't tell me there is a French version of this damn J.J.J!
I'm not really a social one, and i hate the news because all they do is saying "it's going wrong" or talking about thing that we don't care; WHO CARES ABOUT WINE? AND EVEN IF WE CARE, INTERNET WAS CREATED FOR A REASON! So... it was logical that i was surprised when i read the article:
"Tonight, between 3 and 4 in the morning, the well-known burglar named "the spider" by the authority, has stolen yet another famous painting. This time attacking the well-guarded museum of the Louvre. Neither the director, nor the national police figured out how he entered, without being seen by the cameras nor the motion detectors."
WHAT THE!
-He's a weird guy, isn't it?
The vendor had seen i was particularly interested about this story.
-Wonder why he's doing that... i mean, why stealing paintings and such, but stopping aggressors and crooks ?
Not wanting to blow up my secret identity, i make up a hypothesis.
-Yes, it is indeed strange... maybe he see himself as an Arsène Lupin?
-Heh, maybe... let's hopes they will find an Herlock Sholmes!
-Yeah, or a Sherlock Holmes.
So... there is two web-head in town, and everyone think there's only one... Once I will found this copycat...
Oh! "The Joconde highly guarded. Page 4"...
...
I'm not a specialized guy, but i smell a trap... and I'm sure my other side is going to take it as a challenge.
Tonight, they're going to take the trouble, and make it count double! LET'S WEB N' SWING!
So, I'm under a cop's copter since one hour, and still nothing...
...
...
C'mon! Don't tell me he knew i was going to stop him, and decided to drop it, so the forces of the law will man-hunt the wrong spider! He can't do that!
...
Oh! The alarm is ringing! Guess I've nearly got a panic attack for nothing.
He's already on the roof, and the cop are lighting up their big flashlight. Gotta stay within the night, within my good old sis, for now.
Well, well, well! It's not a spider-guy, but a spider-gal! And dressed entirely in white?! She's really pushing the opposite game as far as she can! Her bag-back of web must be where she put the fair lady... or man? I think there is some doubt about the gender of Mona Lisa.
-SPIDER, YOU ARE UNDER ARREST FOR HAVING INTRUDED A PUBLIC SPACE DURING HIS CLOSED HOURS, STOLE CULTURAL PROPERTY, AND FLEE FROM THE FORCES OF THE LAW. PUT THE STOLEN GOODS ON THE GROUND, AND PUT YOUR HANDS ON YOUR HEAD!
Thank god if he exists, it's another helicopter who is howling this whole thing.
Of course, she isn't a gal who's going to give up like that. I can feel her smile under the mask.
She starts to run on the roof, and my web stop her. Just by her reaction, i can tell you she didn't expect that.
A few acrobatics, another web, and i landed just in front of her, in good old spider-man fashion.
-So, ya the one who sue me.
-...So, you're the one who improved my reputation.
Still facing her left, i get up. She was still in the light, i was still in my family.
-And what's ya name? White widow?
-Don't care; call me spider-woman if you want.
-Sorry, but all the spider-women that i know aren't spider-burglar... And there is way too much spider going by that name.
- Whatever. And you? Are you here to do what's "right", and try to stop me? Because of some kind of moral code not worthy of two cent?
-I don't do this job for doing what I think is right or wrong, I'm just doing it for the fun...
I faced her entirely.
-And having the cops on my back will be a pain. Besides, if one day i want to go see the beautiful Joconde, I would prefer that she's on public display than in some private collection of a jerk full of money, who is probably going to use her to masturbate.
-And now i picture it in my mind...
-If that can comfort you, me too. But i think we have enough of this small talk. Hand over the lady, miss.
-And if I don't wanna?
-well, in that case, I guess I will have to take it the hard way.
The light slowly moved, chasing my siblings. My entire black suit didn't reflect any of the light, and my hood protected my eyes from it. My belt of web in the wind, I took a fighting stance.
-Now, prepare yourself, because
THE IMPOSSIBLE SPIDER'S SHADOW
Is your host for tonight's battle.
- YOU!?
She... she knows me?!
-Alright dude, I may owe you my life, but i won't go easy on you!
-We have meet before?
She didn't bother to answer, and took the opportunity to out-pass me... This girl is either a wise one and a liar, but I have the habit of thinking that people representing the light aren't liars, or she really meet me before.
Either way, she's tonight prey...