It Took Me Over 50 Years To Learn
Disclaimer: Don't own
My name is Phoebe Halliwell and i would like to share with you a few things i have learnt over the years. Today is my fifty first birthday and i feel now is the right time to tell my family about my past expriances in the hope that they will learn from my mistakes.
Before i begin, you have to remember i did some rather stupid things in my time and made many many mistakes. Please do not judge me on what you are about to read.
With that said i would like to tell you first of all to never, under any circumstances, take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night. Trust me it just leads to one hell of a mess in the morning.
Secondly, If you had to identify, in one word, the reason why the human race has not achieved, and never will achieve, its full potential, that word would be "meetings."
Never take the advise of a monsignor when it comes to alchol consumption!
It is important to remember that men are like fine wine - they start out as grapes, and it's up to the women to stomp the crap out of them until they turn into something acceptable to have dinner with.
Now this next one is important and you have to identify which one somebody is very quickly as there is a very fine line between "hobby" and "mental illness."
People who want to share their religious views with you almost never want you to share yours with them. For that reason it is sometimes best to nod along and then leave.
No matter what happens, somebody will find a way to take it too seriously. If you dont listen to this one, well don't say i didn't warn you folks!
My next peice of advise is that,You should not confuse your career with your life.
When God, who created the entire universe with all of its glories, decides to deliver a message to humanity, He WILL NOT use, as his messenger, a person on cable TV with a bad hairstyle. (Did you hear that Cole?)
Nobody cares if you can't dance well. Just get up and dance. Most people wont remember in the morning anyway.
'Don't go through life so fast that someone has to throw a brick at you to get
your attention!
The main accomplishment of almost all organized protests is to annoy people who are not in.So if you pass one by trust me when i say do not stop and stare for even a second, it will just give them ammunition.
Never lick a steak knife, your tougue will hurt like hell for days after.
The most destructive force in the universe is gossip, yes gossip.
You will never find anybody who can give you a clear and compelling reason why we observe daylight savings time.
You should never say anything to a woman that even remotely suggests that you think she's pregnant unless you can see an actual baby emerging from her at that moment. This is especially important for males to remember, my boyfreind, god rest his soul, learnt this the hard way.
There comes a time when you should stop expecting other people to make a big deal about your birthday. That time is age eleven.
The one thing that unites all human beings, regardless of age, gender, religion, economic status or ethnic background, is that, deep down inside, we ALL believe that we are above-average drivers.
A person who is nice to you, but rude to the waiter, is not a nice person. (This is very important. Pay attention. It never fails.)
Never be afraid to try something new. Remember that a lone amateur built the Ark. A large group of professionals built the Titanic.
and finally, your friends love you anyway.
I hope this helps you my friends as, if someone told me these things all those years ago, i know my life would have been a whole lot easier than it was and my poor Eric would still be here. If you wish to know the reasons behind these, all you have to do is ask.
(A/N) You heard pheobe, if you want to know how she discovered this things, review and say so. Pointless drapple i know but i was bored.