The first time I saw my new neighbor's wife, I thought, "that's as good as it gets". You know the feeling-after seeing a Victoria's Secret commercial, or just gracing the cover of a magazine. You just think, for that make and model, it just doesn't get any better. That's how I felt upon seeing Maria. If anyone was a 10, for me, it was her. I'm not saying she was perfect, because I don't believe any person is perfect, but her combination was the perfect combination for me. I've been stunned before-the actress' in movies, but never in person.
I've never seen a woman so awesome that she left me rock hard at first sight. After twenty years of examining female beauty, this was a first.
As she drove up in the U-Haul van, I immediately wanted to know who she was fucking. Because every beautiful woman n the world is fucking someone. Else. Whenever I see a supermodel, knowing that some lucky bastard is doing her is both humbling and excruciating. Men get saturated with images of sex and beauty all day every day-it's why we buy half the shit we don't need. I'm not complaining.
It's just that I've never been in a position to do much about it. If I was diabetic, I wouldn't work at a candy shop. If I had high blood pressure, I wouldn't work in high-stress sales. I know I'm a horn dog, so I stay away from temptation. That's how a guy like me stays faithful. I know my weaknesses and have adopted strategies to protect myself. I stay out of the candy store.
But it never crossed my mind that the candy store would move next to me. Literally, right next door. I am fucked. Totally fucked. It would be like my wife inheriting a donut shop. It's just bad news. Oh, please let her be a total bitch. Please let me hate her fucking guts.
"Hi, neighbor!" she said instead, radiation awesomeness. "I like your flowers."
Only then did I remember I was watering my wife's flower garden. She often works late, while when I get home from traveling I stay home. I cook, I clean, I garden. It's why I work out so much-so I don't feel like a total fag. Yes, yes, I know gays work out a lot-I'm referring to fags, not gays.
"Nice ta' meet ya," I said, drawn to her like a moth to a flame. "Ah'm Stephen. Welcome to the neighborhood."
She got out and realized all my fears. The beautiful face came with killer body. She only wore blue jeans and a tight t-shirt, but they explained everything that I needed to know.
"I'm Maria," she said, totally cool and the opposite of the bitch I hoped for. Her jet black hair, olive skin, and dark eyes pulled me in like a black hole. My knee-jerk reaction was to water her shirt with my garden hose to see it cling to her artificially enlarged breasts, but instead I had the good sense to just shake her fucking hand. "I hear good things about the neighborhood."
"Not from me," I quipped, smiling. "Nah, it's a great place to live. Everyone within easy walking distance must have money to afford this area, so it's pre-quiet. Even the criminals wear suits." Her carefree laugh melted me. "Ah love ya accent. Where ya from, fella?"
"I was born in Colombia. Lived there for 10 years and I'm mad I still have an accent after so many years here."
"Accents ar' sexy," I said, too quickly. She gave me that look - you know the one that women give - and I backtracked like Michael Jackson doing the moon walk. "Not yours, unfortunately, but mine is so sexy." I immediately thanked my lucky stars that I didn't ask if she was from Mexico. Central Americans, in particular, hate being called Mexicans. I don't know why I thought she was Mexican. She was beautiful, and not even beautiful Mexicans look Mexican. "And 'ow long is that?"
"Since Sheldon married me almost ten years ago."
Stupid me, I whistled. "Sorry, but ya don't look like you've endured ten years of marriage. Unless they were dog years. You smile too much, for one thing." Indeed, I put her at 23 at most. Time to change the subject. "No kids?" I asked, hoping she had a dozen rotten brats.
"Nope. I had an injury long ago that made it dangerous for me to have kids, so the doctor tied my tubes. How about you?"
"Na, me wife and I aren't expecting any."
"Ah, you'll be a grandpa in no time." She just met me and already she was fucking with me. Fun, funny, hot, friendly, cheerful - she even seemed super nice. God was tempting tempting me like Job. No wonder God named work after the bastard.
"Ah'll tell me kids I'll disinherit them if they make me a grandfather before they be 20. Watdaya do for a livin'?"
"Make my husband happy." There. She said it. I like that she made no bones about her role in his life. Now, maybe I could put my temptations to bed. So to speak. "He's a heart surgeon at UCLA Medical. He also teaches at the university there. Me? I make hand-crafted dolls that I sell on EBay, but it's more like a hobby that funds my shopping sprees. I don't need expensive clothes or jewelry, but I'm a sucker for shoes. This whole van is just for my shoes. And you?"
I look astonished, then her smile gave her away, and I laughed at myself for being so easily fooled. She opened the back of the van, which had piles of boxes, and not one fucking shoe.
"Me body and muscles can tell it all." Hoping she could figure it out.
"Are you some kind of body-builder?"
"Na," Disappointment in my voice start to risen. "Ah'ma professional wrestler."
"That was my second guess anyway." She says, as she smiles.
"Can I feel your muscles?"
A field of happiness rush through my body. "A' course, go ahead, fella."
As she places her small palm onto my bicep, I can't help but notice where else her small-whee hand could else-where be.
When she removes her palm from my muscles back down between her thighs, I can't help but slightly miss those small hands on me again.
Quickly I change the subject, "Ah saw some moving guys here yesterday," I said.
"Yeah, they brought the heavy stuff like furniture and my emotional baggage."
Despite myself, I couldn't help but like her. Maria was unbearably attractive. "Yeah, Ah saw the forklifts."
Even her laugh was wonderful. The greatest aphrodisiac ever invented was a woman who laughs at a man's jokes. Oh, this is not happening. I'm a married man. Not a happy one, but one, nevertheless. Just because my wife so caring didn't give me the right to hurt her. Not that I loved her now like I did twenty years ago, but she was a good person who worked hard, took care of me and meant well. Even if fucking her was like tackling a sea lion.
I grabbed something heavy and thanked my lucky stars that I still worked out. "Where's ya husband?"
"Oh, probably fooling around." I swear I almost dropped her dishes on the sidewalk. "Nah! He's gassing up the Lexus. He wouldn't fool around on me. I don't leave him enough juice to fool around on me." She saw the look on my face as we carried stuff inside. "He saved my life ten years ago. Anything but a world-class surgeon and I would have died. So I take care of him in every way possible."
"Ah can imagine." Crap. Did I say that out loud?
Maria just laughed, completely comfortable. "I bet you already have."
"Ah can see ya no gambler."
She unlocked the front door and I placed the box on the kitchen counter. When I turned around, I found her studying me. "You're not gonna be a problem, are you?"
"Ah don't want ta be a problem." And, truly, I didn't. "And just how would Ah become a problem?"
"By staring at my tits too long, or trying to come between us."
"Oh, Ah'm not into three-ways." She didn't chuckle, so I cleared up my intentions. "It looks like you got a great thing going, you seem like a good person, and Ah don't want to fuck up your shit. And if Ah stare at your fantastic tits too long, just smack me across me head. That almost always works."
"I'm gonna have to wear sweats around you, aren't I?"
"Ah promise not to break out the binoculars, as long as you realize that Ah'm only human and you're totally hot."
"So you're one of the honest, blunt guys. I hate the passive-aggressive lying asshole types. I hope we can still be good neighbors, even though you are attracted to me and I am in no way, shape, or form attracted to you."
"Don't beat around the bush. Give it to me straight. Ya wouldn't have sex with me even for a million dollars."
I made her laugh again. "I don't know. That's a lot of money for two minutes work."
"How about a thousand?"
"Sorry, Stephen. My marriage is worth more than that."
"How about a month of unlimited sex on demand for $10,000?"
Now she took a step back to gauge my seriousness. "A few things come to mind. One, I'm not a prostitute. Two, you're an idiot to pay $10,000 for a month of sex. And, three, my marriage is worth a hell of a lot more than $10,000. Do you realize how much my husband makes as a world-class heart surgeon? Sorry, Stephen. You're just gonna have to beat off while holding binoculars. Unless I take up skinny dipping again."
"Sorry for pushing this, but 'ow about $100,000 for a year?"
I totally held my breath as she studied me. "Hypothetically, just out of curiosity, what exactly would you be paying me for?"
"Ya work from home, ah mainly stay at home, and both of our spouses work long hours. We both don't have kids, and it's easy to climb over our fence. So for $100,000, Ah get to have as much sex with you as Ah want, whenever Ah want, as long as your husband isn't here. I'd get tested to prove Ah'm clean so we wouldn't need condoms. Plus Ah'm not home often, ya get extra cash on yer end of the bargain rather than mine."
"My husband gives me all that I need. I have no complaints in that department."
"Oh, Ah can tell that you're happy and satisfied. This isn't about you or him. It's about me. You'll understand why I have so little sex when you meet me wife-and I don't say that cruelly. Please don't answer now. Sleep on it. You may not need the money, but maybe it'll help him retire sooner, or vacation with you longer, or help your family back home. Plus Ah travel basically every week."
"Maybe you'll come to your senses after you beat off. A guy can't think straight with his balls full. That's why I blow my husband every morning he has surgery. Still, I can't believe you propositioned me."
"Not counting my hand, Ah haven't had sex in a couple a' months, or great sex in years. Ah tried a prostitute ten years ago and it was worse than masturbating with me left hand. Ah know Ah'm not George Clooney, but Ah'm in reasonable shape, Ah'm not a pervert, and me offer is sincere. Although Ah'm beginning to feel like a total putz for even bringing it up to such a class act. Also, Ah may tend to say,'Fella' a lot."
"Please promise me you won't fall in love with me, or any crap like that, because I can't tolerate that shit. It's why I only work from home. My last three jobs I got hit on all day, twice by supervisors. Sure, I got fake boobs, but I don't flaunt them. I'm not looking for a fling. I don't flirt or tease, yet men won't leave me alone."
"Yeah, it must totally suck to be so hot," I said with a straight face.
Maria smiled. "Smart ass. You just wait until my husband gets home. You're gonna feel like shit that you propositioned his wife."
"Ah feel like shit already, and ya haven't even shot me down yet."
"Smart ass, fella."
Thanks for reading, xx. I tried to write it in Sheamus' PoV, but his speech, like: Ah('m, 'll, etc.) is kind of different to type out over & over, that's why I didn't really want to type out Ah'm+ in his thoughts, just when he talks. l'll start to post a second chapter when more people start to read.
This story was kind of frustrating, I couldn't find a right name for his wife/the neighbor, but oh wells, Maria's still great.