Don't Speak
Okay, so this is just me getting out the annoyance I have at Santana lately. She belongs with Britt, I just wish she'd see that. Okay, so, yeah, she has seen that. But she needs to come out into the open. Closets are no fun. (Could a claustrophobic person stay in the proverbial closet without having a freak-out? ...)
So since this is Glee, big shocker - I'm going to do a song-fic. However, no songs came to mind right away to fit what I wanted to do. So I decided I would use one of my own songs. So if you think it sucks, that's why. And it probably does. Oh well. I wrote it on a plane to Texas to see my mom. Not that that really has anything to do with the song; I just thought I'd throw the information out there.
Please tell me what you think. Of the song? And the fic?
Santana POV
"I don't know how we got to where we are.
From where we were, it seems so far.
I never wanted to go anywhere.
And I'm sorry, because to you this is so unfair"
Santana couldn't believe she was actually doing this. Singing to Britt, in front of the entire Glee club. Singing a song about homosexuality, that expressed her real feelings. She had to, though. She hated the way things were between them now. They hardly talked, and if they did it was brief and akward. They were distant, and they weren't talking about anything real. They were talking about Glee, or school, or Cheerios, or Britt's cat. This wasn't how they were supposed to act. They had been best friends since they were four. Santana wanted to talk to Britt about important things, like the fact that her dad hadn't come home from work for a week and her mom's been too drunk to notice. Or comfort B after Shue made that comment about her being on the Brainiacs.
This situation was so unfair to Brittany. She had never done anything wrong. Santana was the one who pushed her away with lines like, "Sex isn't dating," or, "I'm not making out with you because I love you," or her latest, "Just because I sang a song with Britt, doesn't mean you get to put a label on me!" Britt loved Santana, but Santana had taken too long in realizing her own feelings and now Brittany was with Artie. It wasn't fair for Santana to push her away for that.
"But don't speak. Don't say a word.
Everything you've heard is true:"
Here Santana paused. She took a deep breath to calm herself, looked straight into B's eyes, and faced the music. Quite literally in this case.
"I love you.
And there's nothing that we can do."
There! She had said it! Santana Maria Lopez had just told Brittany Susan Pierce that she loved her, in front of the entire Glee club. She felt so proud. Sure, she was scared as hell of the reactions, or of the school knowing, but she realized that she could face all of that if Brittany just said those three words back. This time without any buts following them.
The look on Brittany's face was priceless. She had her mouth hanging open, just staring at Santana in shock. After a second though, she realized just what was happening and her face broke out into the biggest grin. Santana couldn't help but smile along with her, knowing that smile was caused by her, finally.
"I never thought it would come to this
It started out with just one simple kiss"
She never meant to fall in love with her best friend. She didn't think it could ever happen. She was straight, wasn't she? She had sex with countless boys, and she really thought she loved Puck once upon a time. But she was wrong. She had loved him, she just hadn't been in love with him. Santana had been attracted to plenty of boys, but she had only ever fallen in love with one person, and that person was Britt-Britt.
Santana still remembered the first time that she and Brittany kissed. It was about March of their 7th grade year. Brittany was feeling down because she'd been called stupid again today, by the boy she had a crush on. Santana had decided to sing her a song to cheer her up. It was a love song and Santana was just joking, of course, back then. Britt got up and started dancing to the music. Santana always loved to watch Britt dance. She almost forgot to keep singing, her dancing was so mesmerizing. At the end of the song, they danced in to a hug. Finally pulling back, Santana found herself staring right into Brittany's eyes. She wasn't quite sure how it happened, but a moment later, she found herself kissing her blonde best friend. It was simple and pure and sweet; it was Santana's favorite memory.
"But now it's turned in to so much more
And I'm watching you walk out my door"
It was more than just kissing now though. It had become so much more than that. It had turned into sex, and making out, and their private, precious, sweet lady kisses. And it wasn't just the physical things. There were feelings behind it now. Santana had always thought it was better without feelings, but she had been oh so wrong. Britt had been right, of course. It was so much better with feelings, but it meant it could hurt more too. But that was all over now, she was finally going to smooth things out.
Santana remembered every time Britt had yelled at her, every fight they'd ever had. She caused most of them. Her and her stupidity, her fear. The clearest memory was last week, when Santana refused to wear Britt's "Lebanese" t-shirt. "You obviously don't love you as much as I love you, or else you'd put on that shirt and dance with me," B had said, angry. Then she just stormed away, leaving Santana holding the shirt in shock.
"But don't speak. Don't say a word.
Everything you've heard is true:
I love you.
And there's nothing that we can do."
Santana loved the giant grin on Britt's face. She still hadn't noticed any of the rest of the Glee club. All that mattered during this performance was B. Santana beckoned for the girl to come out and join her. Brittany obliged and started dancing with Santana. Santana had to pull away to sing the next lines. They really revealed how scared she was of rejection, of torment.
"Should I have just kept my feelings secret?
Will I now be you biggest regret?"
Santana looked questioningly at Brittany, pleading with her eyes, begging for the blonde to accept her. Brittany shook her head, whispering "no" in the Latina's ear. Santana breathed a sigh of relief, letting a small smile escape her lips. Britt was so happy that Santana had finally taken the first step in leaving the closet. She put her arm around the shorter girl's waist and pulled her close, singing the last verse with her.
"So please just don't speak, don't say a word
Because everything you've heard is true
And I love you
But there's nothing that we can do.
No, there's nothing we can do
But I really do love you!"
As the music faded out, the New Directions broke out in applause, minus Artie, but Britt and San couldn't hear any of it. With their pinkies locked, they leaned in for a passionate kiss. For once, Santana didn't give a fuck who saw!