Statistic
Paragon's Sorrow
"Where are you going commander?" Miranda asked as Jane Daria Shepard prepared the shuttle for launch.
"I need to talk about what happened," Shepard explained.
"Kelly Chambers is well trained to offer.."
"I know Miranda I've made time to be... I've made several appointments," she reassured her current second in command. "I just have to go see, her, in person."
"The asari information broker?"
"No just Liara," Jane Daria said wistfully.
"So you expect us to wait for you?" Miranda asked.
"No go to Illium give the crew some leave," Shepard ordered. "I'll be back in few days."
Jane Daria looked out at the galaxy, trying to find the words. But were there appropriate words for what she had done. Over and over the number flashed in her head, honestly though it wasn't the actual figure, every time she picture it it increased it was now closer to 500 000 instead of the actual estimated 300 000. If only her warning wasn't interrupted, if only she hadn't been attacked, if only she could relive those two days. The tears wouldn't come though, she was too empty, too drained. Finally space gave way to the atmosphere of Hagalaz and she was able to focus on docking with the hidden ship that was currently home to Liara T'soni, Jane Daria Shepard's true love.
Somehow Shepard managed to drag herself to the command centre.
"Welcome back," Liara said brightly before she noticed the pain and invisible burden Shepard seemed to be carrying. "I'll send Feron to inventory the cargo areas so we can talk in private."
Shepard managed a polite greeting to the drell as they passed each other but promptly fell into the chair he had vacated as soon as the door had closed behind him.
"Something terrible happened," Liara stated. "And you couldn't stop it."
"No something terrible happened," Jane Daria replied. "And I caused it, I pushed the button, I...I... all those people."
"Tell me?" Liara said wrapping an arm around her human soul mate as she sat down beside her.
"It started out simple," Shepard said. "Extract a prisoner from a batarian prison in the Bahak system, then confirm intel concerning the reapers in this case the existence of a reaper artefact"
"I take it the mission was, what did you call it? Fubar was the acronym right?"
"Oh beyond anything that it has ever been applied to," Jane Daria wailed. "The artefact was counting down."
"To what?" Liara asked truly scared of the answer.
"The reapers arrival," Jane Daria explained. "I talked to one as I committed my crime."
"What happened?" Liara asked.
"The entire station was indoctrinated," Shepard said. " They had the artefact sitting there for months. I should have been more cautious but Doctor Kenson, the woman I freed from the prison, got the drop on me. I managed to fight off the soldiers they sent even took down their big mech, but then the artefact discharged some kind of energy pulse."
"You got knocked out?" Liara asked.
"Yes," Shepard replied. "But thanks to the various upgrades I've received I didn't stay that way."
"I'm glad some good came out of handing you over the Cerberus," Liara said. Jane Daria squeezed Liara's hand reassuringly with her own to let her know Liara had made the right decisions there.
-
"In any case two days became mere hours," the spectre explained. "The plan was warn the colony then activate the project to destroy the mass relay."
"Destroy a mass relay! Is that possibly?" Liara exclaimed.
"With a big enough projectile travelling fast enough yes," Jane Daria explained. "Before the research team was indoctrinated they finished weaponizing the asteroid they found the artefact on. The plan was to give the colonists some time to evacuate then turn the thing on."
"With only hours to evacuate the entire planet?" Liara said. "But of course you're you you tried to warn them anyway."
"Yes, maybe some could have got out of the system in time," she said. "I'm not up to date with batarian politics or ethics but I'm guessing political fall out would be lessened even if it most of the slave population was left behind in the rush. A chance, every one on the planet deserved that, had a right to that, but I couldn't give it to them."
"Why?"
"Doctor Kenson," Shepard said. "She cut all the comms and then tried to blow up the asteroid with its reactor. I managed to stop that but she blew herself up right in front of me. I couldn't, I couldn't think of a way to stop her. All I could do after that was fix the communications, call Joker for pick up and then watch the entire Bahak system die by my hands."
"So the missing relay every one is talking about that was you?" Liara asked.
"I slammed an asteroid into it," Shepard said. " That star system isn't there any more and neither are the people... I killed them all and I don't know if there is anything inside me capable of feeling anything about it. I haven't cried, I should cry about this thing I've done, but no tears have fell. Does that mean I actually I'm deluding myself and I don't actual feel anything about it?"
"Jane Daria," Liara said. "I can see how much you're hurting but I know for now you'll put it aside while the galaxy needs you. Remember no matter what happens I love you and believe in you."
"Thanks Liara that means a lot to me," Jane Daria replied with a sad smile upon her face.. "I'm going to have to face an inquiry once Admiral Hackett can't stall any longer. You'll be there?"
"I wish I could say yes," Liara said. "But the reapers seem to be interfering with our lives more often lately. Just remember when it all comes down to it they are truly the ones at fault."
"That doesn't bring those people back," Jane Daria replied. "Still can I stay here awhile?"
"Of course."
As Jane Daria Shepard laid her head in the asari's lap, she shed the first of the innumerable tears for the souls of the Bahak system.