Ben shifted in his chair and cracked his stiff knuckles, then took his mug of cider and drained the last of it. He wondered if he should get another one.
It was Saturday evening at the King's Head Tavern in Williamsburg, Virginia, in the year 1781. Ben sat beside his good friend Walter, and Walter's cousin, Will. "About time you finished that, Will and I are on our third one already. I didn't take you for a nursemaid, the way you've been nursing that cider." Walter spoke, grinning.
Ben shrugged. "I'll get another. Calm yourselves." He raised his hand to signal to the barmaid, and in doing so, felt a twinge in his side. He had been discharged from the army a year prior after being thrown from a horse. Besides suffering a broken arm, medics told him that he likely had cracked several ribs. The orders came down two weeks later to have him officially discharged, and sent back to his parents' house in Yorktown. To Ben, this was a relief; while he was proud to have served the revolution he so believed in, he had been a soldier for three long years. He spent the next six months recuperating at his parents' house, not doing much of anything at first, then eventually helping around the house, then helping out at one of his father's stores. He was not sure what made him decide to write to the Merrimans to resume his apprenticeship, perhaps it was the way that his parents were looking at him.
The barmaid put another mug of cider in front of him, interrupting his thoughts. He took a sip and re-focused on Will and Walter's conversation.
"…my father will give me some money, I reckon, and I can open up my own workshop. But do you think they have need of a woodworker in Norfolk?"
"Don't know. I suppose if you are skilled enough, you will do fine." Walter replied. "I'm just wondering how much money will be left for me after my sister's wedding. It's going to be huge."
Ben allowed his mind to wander again. His apprenticeship would be over in a year and a half, and like Walter and Will, he should have been thinking about his future. The thought was slightly unsettling. Once, long ago, he would have been thrilled to be done with his apprenticeship, to have his freedom back, to be able to make more money, and to choose where he wanted to live. But truth be told, he was pretty happy to be back in Williamsburg with the Merrimans, working in Edward Merriman's store. Mr. Merriman himself was off helping the Continental Army, so most days he worked beside Felicity. He was grateful that Marcus was with them, as he still had trouble carrying heavy things and would be left with aching sides after a long day of attempts to do so.
"Oi, Pretty Lad! You're not keeping up!"
Ben turned to see Walter and Will both staring at him, and grinned. He raised his mug to them and drank half of it. The previous year had been good for apples, and the cider reflected it. The "pretty" comment lingered in his mind for a moment, and he studied his reflection in a mirror mounted on the wall. As he was growing up, he knew two things. First, his mother was a great beauty, and second, he looked like his mother. His jaw seemed a little too delicate, his cheekbones were too high, and his eyes were large with long lashes. As a final insult, his sister would endlessly tease him about his "girlish" lips. He didn't think much about it until his enlistment, in which the other recruits would tease him, referring to him as the "pretty lass." At least I'm tall. And, he thought, women always seem to give me a second look.
His mind turned to Felicity, as it often did. With Felicity, Ben felt like he had never gone away. They went back to riding together, practicing their whistling (Felicity was fantastic at it), and talking about anything from serious to downright silly issues. He taught her how to swim, while she taught him how to play guitar. Many times they would just sit together while she read and he sketched, just enjoying each other's company. She was his best friend in Williamsburg.
But at the same time, there was no denying things were a little different. Felicity was seventeen now, and often took a leading role in running the household. So, not only was she a skilled shopkeeper, she cooked and served meals, sewed, took care of her younger siblings, and prepared Nan for the same role. Keeping Felicity busy was the wish of Martha Merriman, who saw the attention that her eldest daughter got, both good and bad, and was preoccupied with the fear that Felicity would get an (undeserved) bad reputation. Felicity was not able to leave the house without her mother inspecting her dress, whether it be to work in the store, or simply to go to the garden. Knowing her daughter was fond of nighttime adventures, Felicity's door was rigged to make noise when it swung open. Ben knew it was not Mrs. Merriman's intention to be cruel, or to make her daughter unhappy, but the Merrimans were a proud family and reputation was everything. Felicity understood this, and only asked for one thing: to be able to go riding with Ben, and that was good enough. The thought cheered Ben.
Mrs. Merriman's worries had basis in reality, as Felicity, who after a few awkward years (her words, not his), had become a very lovely young woman. She was tall and slender, with an alabaster complexion, bright green eyes, and long, fiery red hair. A customer once told Felicity that she looked like a faerie from the old Scottish tales, which to Ben, seemed very fitting.
All of these thoughts forced Ben to one final, unpleasant thought.
Joseph.
Joseph was Felicity's suitor. He was not just an apothecary, he was a trained physician. The fact that Felicity was in a courtship did not make any sense, it wasn't part of the script. He was easy enough to forget, as Felicity did not see him all that often and rarely spoke of him when she and Ben were together. But, the thought of him left an uneasy feeling in his stomach. He originally had thought that Edward Merriman was joking when he informed Ben that Felicity was courting, but both he and Felicity's mother, Martha, were quite pleased of this arrangement. Ben was acquainted with Joseph and had no quarrel with him, but there was something off about the man. And in the past, his gut instinct was usually correct. He couldn't for the life of him imagine spritely Lissie, his partner in crime, marrying and settling down. "Why Joseph?" He remembered asking Felicity a few times. The response he always received was "He is taller than me, and Mother and Father like him."
It was an unfortunate coincidence that Joseph was, in fact, sitting across the tavern with five of his friends, engaged in a card game. Ben purposefully avoided looking over, and turned back to Walter and Will. They were silent for the moment, then Walter asked him, "What about you, Ben? Any plans for when your apprenticeship is finished? You've been quiet tonight."
Ben heaved a sigh, suddenly feeling melancholy. "I don't know. I feel like the war took away all of my ambitions. I suppose I'll go back to Yorktown to see what my options are. It is possible that I may take over one of my families' stores, then decide from there. Who knows? Perhaps I do not want to be a shopkeeper anymore."
Will ignored Ben's last admission. "You recently returned from Yorktown, did you not? Why did you not just remain there?"
"I still had two years of my apprenticeship to keep, and I promised Mr. Merriman that I would return to serve out my time." Ben raised his mug of ale to the both of them, a wry half-smile on his face, and drank it down. He continued, "Mr. Merriman probably would have released me if I had asked; when we made the agreement I don't believe that he thought there would be a war, much less one that would last for years. I feel it was the right thing to do since he was always so patient with me. That, and I felt like it was time to leave Yorktown. My parents were getting that impatient look upon their faces, you are both probably familiar with it, you know the one that silently suggests that I should stop lying about the house and complaining about my ribs, and find a job, a house, a riding carriage, a girl…." He trailed off, missing the look exchanged between Walter and Will.
Walter spoke up. "Are…" he paused, searching for the word, "Are you going to be sad tonight? Perhaps we should talk about something different."
Ben ignored him, as he heard Felicity's name in conversation across the room. Joseph and his friends were still playing cards, but much of their attention was on the conversation.
"….she borrows my books without asking. I think that's actually stealing, but what do I know? She is always telling me that I know nothing."
Ben smiled, remembering the time when he walked into the Merriman house and saw Elizabeth sitting on Felicity's lap, giggling over what he later learned was a copy of the groundbreaking Grey's Anatomy. Upon seeing him, Elizabeth's face had rapidly drained of all color, and she leapt up with a squeal, "Felicity! You said no one would be home until evening!"
Felicity calmly replied "Calm yourself Elizabeth, 'tis just Ben. He won't tell anyone. He probably does not care either." She looked straight at Ben, a half-smile quirking on her lips.
Ben looked over at the book, and realized it was open to what looked to be a very detailed diagram of a longitudinal section of male genitalia. His instinct was to positively flee the room, but Felicity's satisfied expression and comments were too much. It was almost like she was challenging him. Hell, she was! He stared back, and smirked when he noticed that she was blushing a little. "Getting an education ladies? What will your mothers' say about this?"
"Noooo, you wouldn't!" Wailed Elizabeth, wringing her hands.
Felicity coolly replied, "My mother knows that I'll be learning about this sooner or later. Particularly sooner if she has her wish."
Ben's smile faded when he remembered the seemingly resigned, bitter look in Felicity's eyes when she said this, and the implications behind the statement. Across the room, the conversation was taking a different turn. Ben noticed that Walter and Will had stopped to listen in.
"She does not have the patience for cleaning or sewing, and gets into arguments about, well," Joseph paused, searching for the words, "anything and everything! I often find myself wondering if she enjoys raising my temper."
I'm sure she does Ben thought, amused.
Joseph continued, "The other day I asked her to sing and play guitar while I studied, and she began with Nightingale, but then changed into a bawdy sailor's tune! It's just one thing after another!" He shook his head.
"Your mother and father like her." One of the other lads commented. Ben did not know this man's name, but noted that he always wore the same garish green vest.
Joseph snorted, "Of course they do. She turns on the perfect gentlewoman act in their presence and fools them all. But once they are gone, she is barefoot, ranting about women's rights and abolitionist views, or she is out riding, most likely astride. I don't know what kind of wife she will be, how will she teach our daughters to behave? The other day I was going through her handbag, I found a copy of Les Liaisons Dangerouses! I keep telling her to mind her behavior, but she doesn't seem to understand. It's always to hell with everyone when it comes to Felicity. In fact, she begged to come with me tonight, here to the tavern!"
Ben had never heard Joseph talk about Felicity, and did not like it. He knew now that his instinct about the man was correct. He was aware that there was some kind of unspoken rule, or code that men could complain in the tavern about women in confidence, but Ben at this moment felt no allegiance towards Joseph, only a growing sense of anger. Walter, who did not know any of this about Felicity, looked a little surprised. Yet, he made eye contact with Ben, and nodded.
"It sounds like you want to be shot of her." commented Green Vest, one eyebrow raised.
Joseph caught himself, and shook his head. "No, no, that's not true at all. She is my girl, and she is so beautiful. I just have to be more insistent. After all, I did convince her to court me." He grinned, all of his previous complaints seemingly forgotten.
"Arrogant prat." Ben muttered. Walter rolled his eyes.
The weasely-looking man in the group spoke for the first time. "Naw, this is what I think. It doesn't matter who their parents are and how they are brought up to be, some women just want to be tumbled."
Joseph shrugged noncommittally. The Weasel continued, "Come on, you know it. Just let me kiss her."
Ben stood up. His mind spun, and he didn't know if it was from that second mug of cider that was suddenly gone, or rage. He pointed at the Weasel, "Watch yourself, that's my Master's daughter, and my good friend that you are speaking so rudely about." Walter stood up next to him, and Ben smirked, continuing "Besides, she towers over you, you are such are short, squat little man."
Joseph at least had the decency to look abashed at his behavior. "Davidson." He acknowledged, "I was wondering when you would join us. Come sit down." There had been several attempts by Joseph to be friendly with Ben since he was close to Felicity, but Ben had never warmed up to him.
Ben did not move. Nor did he break eye contact with Joseph, who started to look uneasy. "Look, Davidson, I..."
The Weasel cut him off, and stood up. "Don't worry about Davidson. He comes back after years of being away, and finds the girl that used to be like his little sister, looking like a forest Venus de Milo nymph! I'm sure that his mind, not to mention other parts of him are just really, very confused."
By this point, the barmaids were listening in. Ben narrowed his eyes, and clenched his fists, feeling his fingernails digging into his palm. Walter touched his arm. The tavern owner spoke up, using her most commanding voice. "Lads, if you're going to have it out, please leave, or you will be thrown out and banned."
The Weasel stood up too, but walked around Ben, and up to the counter. "Don't worry about me Madam, I just would like another rum. And perhaps one for this pretty lass here." He swiftly pulled out a pocket knife and cut through Ben's hair tie. "I just love the way your hair frames your pretty, pretty face."
Surprised, Ben shoved the Weasel away, and received a not-so-powerful punch from an unknown person. He put a hand to his face and turned in the direction of the source, just in time to see Walter gather the man into a headlock and pull him away. Meanwhile, Will had wrestled Joseph, down, who was yelling at everyone to stop. Ben snapped his attention back to the Weasel, who charged at him and grabbed his collar, making a ridiculous attempt to throw Ben, but only succeeded in ripping his shirt. Ben barked a laugh at the absurdity of this, and wound up to take a swing. The Weasel ducked low, and moving with surprising speed, tackled Ben, who felt a sharp pain in his still-fragile ribcage upon hitting the floor.
"Out! Out! All of ye! Never come back! Or I call the guard!"
Will pulled Ben up, who shook him off and stalked out. He half-expected the Weasel to jump him again, but didn't care. Something was gnawing at his insides, and perhaps being beaten bloody might help. His ribs ached with every breath, taking him back to those days lying in the infirmary as he waited to be transported back to Yorktown. Walter caught up to him, looking frazzled and strangely excited, but unhurt. "That was pretty pathetic. I overheard the barmaids calling us a bunch of ninnies, and that it was the worst fight they had ever seen." He laughed and put on a thick Scottish accent. "I guess we are No True Scotsmen!"
Ben forced a smile. "Thanks for having my back in there."
"Anytime." Walter replied. The two men went their separate ways into the balmy night.
Felicity sat perched on the roof, feeling the occasional breeze breaking through the humid air. She pulled up her nightdress to her knees so that she could feel the night air on her legs. It was a clear night; the full moon above her illuminating the city. Felicity felt like she could see for miles up here, and was grateful for Ben for fixing her door so that it would not make so much noise. Now, she could sneak up here for some nighttime air when she could not sleep.
These days, insomnia was common. Felicity was stressed out. She was dealing with housework, assisting Ben and Marcus in her father's store, helping her mother and Nan care for William and Polly, taking care of Penny and Patriot, keeping companionship with Elizabeth, keeping companionship with Ben, and seeing her suitor, Joseph, whenever she could.
The last two obligations went together like oil and water, as any mention or knowledge of Joseph put Ben in a foul mood. When Felicity asked him about it, Ben simply said that he never liked the man. With this limited information, Felicity just tried to keep her courtship under wraps, avoiding any mention of Joseph around Ben, and keeping her answers simple and/or changing the subject on the rare occasion that Ben asked about him. She had become good at this, and it was likely Ben's perception that she rarely spent time with Joseph. Still, she didn't know how long she could keep this up.
Perhaps I should lose both of them, and devote all my time to Elizabeth! Felicity thought. She took a bite of a rose oil cake, feeling a bit of pride in how delicious they were. Joseph had asked her to make them. The recipe had yielded so many that she had divided them between her family and the Coles, and had left Ben a few in his room above the stables. The remainder was supposed to go to Joseph, although now Felicity sat on the roof, eating what was supposed to be his share. She made a mental note to leave him at least five. Or, she thought, maybe I won't after all. Truth was, she was a little salty towards him. She had gone out on a limb to ask him to take her to the tavern. In turn, he had laughed at first, thinking that she was joking, then had given her a lecture about recognizing what is proper behavior for a lady. It was all very silly, women were not disallowed from the tavern, and in fact, the tavern was actually owned by a woman!
"What is wrong with you? And what am I going to do with you?" He had asked in exasperation.
These two questions were commonly asked by Joseph, and they grated Felicity to the core. She knew that despite years of trying, she was not up to society's standards of what a gentlewoman should be, and everyone let her know that this was a personal shortcoming. Her mother was always going on and on about how lucky she was to have Joseph, a physician, as a suitor. There would likely not be any more chances for societal redemption if she were to lose the courtship.
"What am I going to do with you?" This question had once been fun, as if Felicity were an adorable mischievous kitten, but as the months wore on it took on a more serious, patronizing undertone.
"What is wrong with you?"
"What am I going to do with you?"
These questions echoed in Felicity's mind. She closed her eyes and leaned against the chimney. I can be better, do better. I'll make Mother and Father happy. I'll make Joseph happy. They all love me dearly and it's the least I can do. Joseph is a good, kind, intelligent man, one that I don't tower over. He has such a warm smile, and is very kind to his patients.
I'm very lucky.
Felicity's thoughts were interrupted by the sound of the gate opening, and closing. It was Ben! She gave a short whistle, and he looked up, nodded in acknowledgement, and continued to the loft.
Not even a hello? Confused, she scrambled down the ladder that she had conveniently placed some time ago, then hiked up her nightdress so she could properly run after him.
"Ben!" she hissed, "Wait!"
He turned around, and Felicity noticed how disheveled he looked. His shirt was torn, exposing his left breast, his hair was unbound and hung around his face, and even in the moonlight, Felicity could see a bit of redness on his right cheekbone.
He spoke. "Felicity, if you want to go to the tavern, I'll take you to the tavern."
That was an odd greeting. "Good evening to you too." Felicity studied Ben's face to try and understand the meaning of what he just said. "If that is where you just came from, looking all a mess, maybe I'm thinking twice about it."
He didn't look angry, or even unhappy. Maybe a little exasperated?
Felicity decided to ask the obvious question. "What happened to you?"
"Small scuffle at the tavern." Ben studied his feet as one would do from embarrassment, although Felicity got no sense that Ben was ashamed of something.
"Obviously…" she replied slowly, and waited for Ben to elaborate, but he did not. Felicity knew that something was up, and he wasn't going to bother to tell her.
Fine then. "I made a batch of rose oil cakes, and left a few in your loft. I know you like them. Goodnight." She turned as if to go back to the house, and mentally counted to three.
One….two… "Lissie, wait."
She smiled to herself, and turned around. "Yes, what?"
"Is that what you did tonight?" Ben looked slightly embarrassed at his dismissive attitude.
"Yes, I did. And it was amazing! Thank you so much for taking interest in my boring life!" Felicity replied sarcastically.
Ben smiled slightly. "Thank you. And I apologize for my rudeness. 'Twas not my intention."
Felicity decided to prod him a bit, and knew exactly how to do it. "No trouble at all. Joseph asked if I would make them, and the recipe usually yields so many so I have plenty to give away."
As expected, Ben tensed up. "Did you enjoy that? Making rose oil cakes for Joseph? While he was at the tavern?"
Felicity shrugged and agreed, pretending to not have noticed any sentiment behind that statement. She studied Ben, and felt her eyes drift down to his open shirt. He was lanky, but had defined pectoral muscles. She imagined that he had strong shoulders, and a broad, muscular back…
"Felicity! Would you please stop staring at my chest?" Ben looked angry now, and Felicity realized that he had been talking to her. He continued, "What's wrong with you?"
Those words bored into Felicity's mind, as if they lit a fuse. "What did you say to me? What's wrong with me? There is nothing wrong with me!" She snapped. "Hypocrite! You look at my chest plenty! I've seen you!"
Ben jerked his head away, then looked at her again. "Felicity, what are you doing?"
Felicity had tried to stay neutral, but felt her temper rising. "What do you mean? You storm in here, apparently after fighting at the tavern, and dismiss me? What is wrong with you?" It felt good to ask that question. "Why are you being so peevish?"
Ben sighed, seemingly calmed down. "I overheard Joseph complaining about you at the tavern. You steal his books, start arguments. He worries that if you two were to marry, you would not be a proper wife. Lissie, did you ask to go to the tavern?"
None of this was surprising to Felicity. "Aye. He was angry that I asked, and we had a row. Then he apologized, petted me on the head, and told me I could do better to work on my behavior."
Ben stared at her. "Is this what you want? To do better?"
"Aye." Felicity replied quietly. "We are adults now Ben. I can't go rushing around to everything like I used to, and your time of playing soldier is done."
Ben watched her for a moment more, before speaking. "You're right. Prior to leaving Yorktown to return here, my parents were asking me about finding a girl. Maybe I ought to do that, and think about my life beyond Williamsburg."
Felicity felt her stomach drop at this statement. "Do…do you have anyone in mind?"
"No, not really." Ben admitted. The tight feeling in Felicity's throat released, and she felt guilty of its presence.
"Did Joseph seem to want to be shot of me?" She dreaded the answer. If she lost Joseph's favor, Mother and Father would be so disappointed, she could just see the look on Mother's face….
"No." Ben said, with some disgust. "He said that you were his girl, and that he would continue to work on you."
"Good." Felicity was relieved. Not all was lost.
Ben continued, "Lissie, may I ask you something?" He did not wait for an answer. "Will Joseph ask you for your hand soon?"
"I'm not sure. Nan says she overheard him discussing it with Father, but you know how she is. They were probably just talking about the weather."
Ben looked at his feet. "If he does, will you agree?"
"Aye, I imagine so." Felicity said quietly. Ben looked up sharply, and Felicity caught the unmistakable look of betrayal on his face. "Ben! We have to grow up! I'm a girl, and girls get married! I have to!" She felt a lump in her throat, surprised at its presence.
"Lissie," Ben looked incredibly sad at her outburst, "You don't love him. Please do not go rushing off to marry him, like you rush off to so many things."
Felicity felt her temper rise again. "All my life, people have been telling me not to rush into things. Perhaps I'm not rushing into things, so much as rushing away from things! Look at my life! I'm trapped here! Mother keeps me locked in here, as I go from the house to the store to the house again! I'm piled with cooking and cleaning and sewing…I have to ask permission to do everything…" She was shaking, "When I get married, perhaps I'll have some semblance of control over my own life!
Ben stated, equally angry "And do you think that Joseph…"
Felicity cut him off "I can handle Joseph! Besides, what do I have left? I'm a poor excuse for a gentlewoman, and everyone in town either already knows it or will soon find out! Who will love me then?" Tears spilled down her face. She didn't mean to have this conversation, to make these confessions. She should have known that Ben could coax her into saying these things.
Ben once again looked incredibly sad at her admission. He spoke up. "I will love you."
Felicity snapped her head up, startled. "What did you say to me?"
Ben did not break eye contact, "Is there a word that you did not understand?"
Felicity stared at him. "Are you daft? I'm your little sister, your best little friend in the world." She stated, bitterness seeping through. "You don't love me. You left to go off and play soldier and you never wrote to me! Not once! You said you would and you never did! You wrote to Mother and Father so I knew you were alive, but never once to me!" She pointed an accusatory finger at him. "If you truly loved me, you would have written to me! But you did not!" She repeated "You don't love me, and-"
Ben cut in with a roar, "You are the only thing that I love!" He stepped toward her, and Felicity noticed that his eyes were shining. She glanced uneasily at the house, hoping that his outburst did not wake anyone.
He continued, "My service to your father will be ending soon, and I'll be leaving. I'll welcome it; the sooner, the better. I have to get out of here. Felicity, 'Lissie, I love spending time with you. I can forget everything…everything that's happened. The war, my sister, Joseph, everything!"
"Joseph isn't a bad guy." Felicity crossed her arms.
"He is!" Ben replied emphatically, "Look what he is doing to you! You will never be happy with him! Do you love him?"
Felicity chose her words carefully. "He is a good match."
"Do you love him? Answer my question, Lissie!"
Felicity snapped back, "Don't tell me what to do! No." She shook her head. In a way it felt good to admit this out loud. "No I do not love him. Maybe at one point I was infatuated with him, so maybe I could be again? But none of this matters. Who has love marriages anyways?"
"My parents did." Proclaimed Ben. "They make each other so happy, I'm afraid that I have developed an unrealistic ideal of what a good marriage is. My mother has told me in so many terms that I should also marry for love, and no other reason. But at these circumstances, I fear that it will never happen for me. I don't…I can't…" He trailed off, then started again. "Lissie, if you marry Joseph, he will try to change who you are. Are you okay with that?" He did not wait for an answer. "I know you! I've known you for years. I know what you like and don't like, I know your secrets… I have to leave! If I stay, I'll have to watch you be dragged off, like a prisoner to a life you will hate. And you will die slowly, unhappily, as the gentlewoman housewife you don't want to be…and…and..." Ben choked up, inhaled sharply, then gasped and clutched his side, forcing the words out "and I'll….I'll be hanged! If I have to sit here and watch!"
Felicity stared at him. He looked half-crazed, illuminated by the moonlight. He was doubled over and clutching his side, but still keeping eye contact with her. His hair hung over his face, but did not hide his red-rimmed eyes. A small bruise was definitely forming on one cheek, and his torn shirt hung off one shoulder. She had never seen him in such a sorry state, and felt several emotions, disbelief, anger, sadness, and a bit of surprise, but decided to push them all away. He had confused her and made her emotional before, years ago, so she figured that turnabout was fair play. She forced herself to show calm, and once again crossed her arms in front of her chest.
"Are you quite done yet?" She knew this was cold, but couldn't help herself. Ben looked away, saying nothing. She continued. "So what would you have me do? Let's pretend you are sweet Lissie, and I am Ben. What is your next decision?"
Ben stood up taller, composing himself, but still held a hand over his side. "If I were you, Lissie, and you were I, Ben? That's easy. I would call off my courtship with that prat Joseph, and enter a courtship with you, Ben." He spoke with the bravado of a man who had nothing to lose.
Felicity decided she had nothing to lose at this point, either. "If you indeed love me, you should kiss me." In her mind this was not a shocking request. She had kissed him once before, at a brief reunion during Publick Times. Ben's company was passing through Williamsburg for the day, and Felicity was play-acting at the fair. She had kissed him for the purpose of making Annabelle jealous, and Ben probably had not taken kindly to being used. They had not spoken about it since that night.
Felicity caught a hint of a smile on Ben as he started to walk toward her. Then suddenly, unexpectedly, he paused, and a suspicious look passed over his face. "If I did kiss you, what then? Will you again tell me that it means nothing to you? Just anything to make your nemesis angry?"
Felicity had an idea that he would make this point. Ben was a proud man, after all. She forced herself to still remain calm, and stated "No, I won't. It will prove to me that you love me. I will break it off with Joseph. I'll likely be labeled a scoundrel, but I suppose that was inevitable. As for you, you will definitely be labeled a scoundrel, for stealing me away." She smiled wryly.
Seemingly satisfied, Ben closed the gap between them, paused, and touched her cheek. He lifted her chin up, then pressed his lips to hers. The kiss only lasted a moment before Ben pulled away shyly, then stared at Felicity. She studied his eyes. He was looking at her in a way that she had never seen before. In a way, he almost looked vulnerable, like he was pleading with her. She reached out and brushed several strands of his hair back, then ran her fingers down in cheek. In response, he closed his eyes and leaned into her hand. She noted how his disheveled state made him look even more handsome, and traced her fingers down his neck, and over his bare shoulder before pulling away, surprised at her own boldness.
Ben opened his eyes and broke the silence, clearing this throat. "Lissie, how do you feel about me? Do you lo.., er, do you have feelings for me?" Even in the darkness Felicity could sense that he was fiercely blushing. She opened her mouth to speak, but Ben cut her off, "Never mind that now, it's too much to ask of you tonight. Please think about everything I said here. In case there is any question about it, I meant every word. Tomorrow we will talk again." He smiled at her. "Just in case there is any question about this too, I think that you are beautiful, and I have for a long while."
Felicity smiled, feeling giddy warmth spread through her body. There was one more issue that she had, a very important one. It had been on her mind for years, and she wasn't going to let Ben walk away without a mention. "Ben, there is something that I feel you are obligated to do for me before I will agree to court you."
Ben looked a little surprised. "Oh? And what would that be? I'll do anything, short of murder." He thought for a moment, then grinned. "Actually, I'm not ruling murder out, but I do have a No Women, No Children rule. Did you want me to dispose of a soon to be ex-suitor that might go around making accusations about us? Perhaps a few of his rotten friends?"
Felicity laughed, then caught herself and forced a stern look. "I'm serious about this Ben. You promised to write letters to me. I reckon you never did and I consider that to be a great affront. I will in time get over this, but I figure that you owe me letters. So," She pointed at him for emphasis, "I will only accept you as a suitor if you write letters to me first."
Ben shuffled his feet, thinking, "Lissie," He said slowly, "I did write letters to you, many letters. I often traded food for ink and paper so I could keep writing. Do you realize what it is like to be hungry, yet still give away food so that I could write to you?"
Felicity stared at him. "I did not receive any letters. Were they lost perhaps?"
Ben looked at his feet. "I did not send them. I promised to write to you. I did not promise to send them."
Felicity watched him in disbelief. "Benjamin Davidson! I'm rethinking everything I have said to you in the last five minutes! Are you being truthful? Why did you not send them? Those are my letters! Do you still have them? Give them to me right now!" She demanded shrilly.
Ben looked at the sky, "I still have them. I couldn't bring myself to send them. I don't know why. Perhaps I was never sure how you felt about me. I was confused. Anyways, I figured you would get them if I were to be lost. Now I suppose it's only right to give them to you. Some of them, I admit, are not very nice. But I'll give those to you too, and write even more, if you would be mine.
Felicity smiled, satisfied. "I look forward to reading them. All of them."
Ben spoke, "Do you really think we will be labeled as scoundrels?"
Felicity sighed. "I think it was inevitable. What am I going to do with you? What am I going to do with myself?"
Ben smiled, saying nothing.
Authors Notes:
1) I sometimes borrow little snippets of dialogue I have heard. You might recognize a line or two from Game of Thrones, and Little Women (the 1994 film)
2) Dates may not be accurate. Les Liasons Dangerouses would not be published for a few more years, and Grey's Anatomy for several decades.