Shepard was no stranger to fear.
No matter how the vids portrayed her, she was by no means fearless. Running along the maintenance shafts of the Citadel as Sovereign loomed overhead…shooting down a Human Reaper…watching the skies of Earth darken as the Reapers arrived…these were horrors that still haunted her to this day.
But this was a new kind of fear. Trillions of lives had been riding on her actions six years ago as she scrambled around the galaxy gathering support for Earth's fleets. Yet this life seemed more important than any other life that had ever existed. She knew this was a narrow-minded view, but it still didn't change how she felt.
Stretched out on the bed, Shepard let her hand roam down to her belly. The tiny flutters of movement that pressed back against her palm brought a genuine smile to her face.
Several hours earlier, she and Kaidan had found out that this all-important life now kicking around at her inside at all hours of the night was a daughter. Kaidan had claimed this from the beginning, insisting he simply knew the child was a girl. Shepard assumed this was more wishful thinking than anything else, but she allowed him to continue in this hilarious, self-righteous assumption.
The revelation that the baby joining them in four months was a daughter made her impending arrival all the more real, and though this brought immense joy, it also brought crippling fear. Shepard had commanded many officers in her time in the Alliance military. She had even lost beloved friends. But she had never been tasked with completely shaping the life of another human being.
More alarming still, Shepard knew that she and Kaidan had to do this correctly. She was nearly thirty-eight, and though medical advances had prolonged the childbearing years of women, she had no desire to be chasing a bundle of small children around in her forties. This baby would be the one and only Shepard-Alenko child that the media had been awaiting for six years.
She and Kaidan had never planned to be parents at all. After Cerberus brought her back from the dead and she had received a thorough check-over, Dr. Chakwas informed her that the chances of conceiving a child seemed slim to none. As a result, there seemed no need for birth control, and she and Kaidan had not used any in over two years.
Yet suddenly, there was going to be a daughter. She was highly unexpected but certainly not unwelcome. Still, Shepard felt there had been no time to prepare herself for the demands of pregnancy and motherhood. She was flexible, yes, but she had always been a planner. And this was something she definitely would like to have planned.
The door slid open and Kaidan came in, kicking off his shoes in the doorframe.
"Hey you," Shepard said, smiling over at him.
He crossed the room, clambered onto the bed and lay down beside her. Following her lead, he reached out and pressed a hand to her stomach.
"Hey, you both," he replied. "So, I was thinking…"
"Oh, that's dangerous," Shepard teased.
"Yeah." Kaidan laughed, and she delighted in the sound just as much as she had when they'd first met almost nine years ago. "But, seriously, now that we know…well, I mean, I always knew…but not that it's been confirmed we're having a daughter, I figured it was time to discuss giving her a name."
"No, I figured we'd just call her 'you, child'."
"Oh, ha-ha," Kaidan said sarcastically. "I had an idea, and I want to know what you think."
"Okay, run it by me."
"Are you going to cry about it like you did over the fox that wandered into our yard?"
"I'm hormonal!" Shepard insisted, laughing in spite of herself. "It wasn't my fault that it was really adorable!"
"The great Commander Shepard, destroyer of the Reapers, brought to tears by the presence of a small woodland animal."
"You had something to run by me?"
"Yeah. I thought it would be a fitting tribute to a dedicated soldier and friend if we named the baby Ashley."
She stared at him, half in horror and half in amazement. Of all the things she had seen and done in the war against the Reapers…of all the atrocities she had witnessed…the one thing that haunted her most was having to make that awful decision on Virmire. She was still learning to overcome the guilt she felt over leaving Ashley Williams behind.
But he was right. It was a small gesture, but a fitting one nonetheless. And it would push both of them to raise an amazing child, worthy of the name.
"Ashley it is."