Title: Red Cheeks
AU, Post-Quest, humor/parody Rating: PG
Published: August 9th, 2004

A/N This story is the result of a chat session I had with Nivina recently. We discussed hobbit fanfic above a certain rating cough, cough and what on Middle Earth they were doing with strawberry jam in those fics. :) I want to thank Ghyste for inspiring me (her fanfic quiz started it all...), and Nivina for beta reading!

Summary: What is Sam doing on the internet? And what does he try to hide for Frodo?

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Red Cheeks

It was another lovely day in the Shire. Frodo had decided to visit Samwise Gamgee, his old friend, who currently was all by himself in his quarters at Bag End. His wife Rosie had left for a visit to her parents, and she had taken their daughter Elanor with her.

That morning, there was a surprise in the mail for him. Since the parcel also had Sam's name on it, Frodo decided to take the parcel with him so they could open it together. Not that he needed a reason to visit his friend Sam of course. They had been through so many adventures together.

Frodo walked towards Sam's quarters. He knocked on the door, but got no response. Frodo knocked again, calling "Sam? Are you in?"
Still no reply, but Frodo felt someone was there, so he pushed against the door.
The room looked like they always did; with traces of meals and toys from Elanor everywhere. Frodo walked on, towards a sound he heard. It was a clicking sound. And it came from the study.

"Sam? Is that you?" Frodo opened the door.
Sam turned around quickly from the computer. His cheeks were flushed.
"Oh it's you Mr. Frodo! I didn't hear you. Do come in sir!"

Frodo walked towards him and tried to have a look on the computer monitor. Nothing really interesting, at first sight. Sam was looking at a page with lots of text. But Sam quickly closed the page. Very quickly. Frodo thought it was a bit strange.

"Since Rosie and the kids are away I thought I'd drop by and see how you're mending," he said to his old friend. "You visit me so often, I thought now it's my turn to see how you are doing."

Sam smiled. "Thank you Mr. Frodo, but you really shouldn't worry about me. You see, Rosie made me dinner and she and Elanor will be back tomorrow anyway. Now I have some time to catch up with a few things." He gestured towards the computer.

"I never knew you liked computers," Frodo said. "When Rosie bought it last year you said you'd probably never use it."

"That's true, Mr. Frodo. Rosie likes to keep in touch with her friends and share recipes. I was just looking what's going on at the internet. My Rosie likes to browse the internet and I thought to have a look myself."

"Oh," Frodo said. "And how is the internet? I've heard so much about it. Can you show me something? What were you doing?"

Sam's cheeks got even redder than they already were. He started to mutter. "Erm, well Mr. Frodo, I didn't mean to look at that, I came there by accident, started reading, and then you came in..."

"Sam! I'm your friend! Don't hold anything back for me, I'm interested in what you've found."

"Mr. Frodo, erm, what do you know about the internet?"

"Well, I've heard you can find anything you want on the internet," Frodo said. He frowned. "Let me see... You can find the news, information about traveling, recipes, the weather forecast, and you can send messages to your friends. It's like some kind of gigantic magazine, right?"

"Yes Mr. Frodo, magazines..." Sam said slowly. "All kinds of magazines actually..."

"Even the ones behind the counter?"

"Even those ones..."

Frodo smiled. Sam wouldn't have visited some kind of naughty website?

"Sam," he said. "Don't worry about that! You're a grown up and since Rosie is away..."

Sam interrupted him. "Oh no Mr. Frodo! It's not what you think! It's... something else."

Now Frodo got interested. If Sam had found something which he found even more embarrassing than naughty magazines, what was it? Sam sighed. "You know about famous persons sir? Like television series and movie stars. All those great stories people like?"

"Yes," Frodo said slowly, wondering why this could embarrass Sam so much.

"Well you see Mr. Frodo, people like to be creative, you know? And they are not happy when a movie or a TV show is over. And then they start writing their own stories about it."

"But that sounds very interesting my dear Sam! Oh, I do like to read more about that TV show I liked to watch, "Good Times, Bad Times". Such a pity they ended it after two seasons..."

Sam interrupted him. "Mr. Frodo, they even started writing about the Quest with your cousins, your uncle Bilbo and that Ring..."

Frodo smiled, despite the sometimes bitter memories from their adventure. Not everything had been made public to the folks. And he was sure some people made up their own versions of their adventures. But what harm could there be?

"My dear Sam! Let the people believe what they want to believe! You and I know what has happened!"

"But Mr. Frodo, it's not about that. This is much more... personal, if you follow me."

"What do you mean, Sam?"

Sam's cheeks were beet red. The poor hobbit was sweating and he hesitated before he answered.

"Well, you see Mr. Frodo, they even are making up stories about... you and me... And Merry and Pippin," he added quickly.

"Stories about us? Well, since we have been on the Quest together, I'm sure that's not very strange."

"Mr. Frodo! They are making up stories about us! About us... you know, erm, oh I can't say it. You know, improper stories!"

Frodo blinked. He frowned. What? Improper stories? "My dear Sam! You shouldn't read such nonsense! Everybody knows you are married!"
Sam was trembling. Frodo wanted to hug him, but the 'improper stories' were the reason he didn't. But his poor friend seemed shocked, and he wanted to distract him.

"Shall I make you some tea and something to eat?" he asked.

Sam jumped up. "Oh no Mr. Frodo! Don't trouble yourself! I don't want tea and I don't want a sandwich!"

"Sam! Easy, my dear hobbit! You are acting like you have been stung by a bee!"

Sam sighed. "I'm sorry Mr. Frodo. It's because of those stories I've been reading. Those writers seem to think we use the kitchen for other activities besides preparing tea, if you follow me..."

Frodo smiled. "You are making me very curious Sam. I think it's time I have a look at those stories myself. Come on, where are they?"

Sam had no other option than to start the internet browser again and there it was, the story he had been reading when Frodo came in. Slowly he stepped aside so Frodo could inspect the text on the monitor.
It was a story written by someone with a weird name, about the two of them. All kinds of strange looking codes accompanied the story, warnings he didn't understand. Frodo's eyes flashed over the screen. The writer had been making up a story about him and Sam playing games, getting hungry and getting distracted while making strawberry jam sandwiches. And what they were doing with the strawberry jam! Frodo's cheeks also colored crimson red. Unbelievable someone dared writing that!

"You see Mr. Frodo, that's why I didn't want to show you. I didn't want to upset you, you see," Sam said while he seemed to have controlled himself again. But he seemed a bit too active for his normal self, pacing the room and moving all kinds of things.

Frodo finished reading the story and looked up at Sam. He smiled shyly. "Oh Sam," he muttered. "I had no idea about this. All those weird fantasies! And you mean there's more?"

"This is just the tip of the iceberg Mr. Frodo," Sam said shy. "Believe me sir, you won't want to see what else I've found... Now, I think we both could use a nice cup of tea in the parlor. If you excuse me, I'll put the kettle on."

Frodo smiled, while thinking about the story he had read. "Yes," he said slowly. "I assume we'd better shut this thing off." He stood up and walked to the parlor. Then he stopped and picked up the little box he had taken with him.

"Oh, before I forget, you and I have received a present! I got this little parcel in the mail today." He presented a box with their names on it.

"What is it?" Sam asked.

Frodo inspected the parcel and opened it. "Hmmm... Let me see... Oh, here it is!" He lifted a jar from the box and gave it to Sam.

"Home made strawberry jam..." Sam read. "I don't believe it..."

Frodo smiled. "Well, that's very nice to send us strawberry jam. Let's make use of it!"

He grinned to his old friend, and walked to the kitchen.

To prepare strawberry sandwiches of course. :)