I've been very slow with my writing recently, I know I'm a terrible person. But I'm trying very hard to ger back into it and each of my stories should be getting an update within the next week.
Please review, you might spark me into action ;)
August had quickly began to be Harry's favourite time of the year because it was the time he got to spend with the Weasley's and not locked in his bedroom at the Dursleys. The anticipation that came from the return to Hogwarts was enough to fuel Harry through most of his time with the Dursley's, but this year had been different. It had only been a few shorts months since Cedric Diggory's death and yet Harry had been left without a single word from his friends, from Dumbledore, even from Sirius, the godfather he'd known about for only two years now.
It had been a few days since his court case at the ministry about his encounter with the dementors and Harry could feel the weight being lifted already. Yet something still seemed out of place. He was usually thrilled to be with the Weasley's and he was, but he couldn't help the feeling of everyone's eyes boring into him when he wasn't looking, of whispers following him as he vacated a room, maybe he was just being paranoid but he was sure he'd heard Hermione and Ron talking in murmured voices as he climbed the stairs to his room, only for them to fall silent at the sound of his footsteps.
These were the thoughts that accompanied him as he sat in the corner of one of the many abandoned bedrooms at Grimmauld place, his back against the wall beneath the window. The heavy, velvet green curtains had been pulled open to allow sunlight to touch the room for the first time in what Harry thought to be decades. The windows were obscured by dust that had accumulated over the years, the curtains having released a cloud of it into the air so that he, Ginny, Ron and Hermione had coughed and spluttered for a good few minutes.
Now they were all focused on clearing out the room and throwing away anything they found that wasn't of any use. This was how Hermione had found herself sat cross-legged on the floor sorting through stacks of books piled almost as high as her head, Ginny lay on the bed rifling through the bedside cabinets for anything, finding mostly letters and old, discoloured jewellery while Ron rifled through the walk in closet.
"You know, Harry," Ginny said, rolling so that she was lying on her stomach, propped on her elbows, her ginger hair forming a curtain either side of her face. "you could always help out when you're done with that mangy old photograph." She said and Hermione gave her a warning look, her crazed hair pulled back into a lazy bun a few loose strands hanging over her face that she kept blowing out of the way.
"Leave him to it, Gin," Ron said, wrestling with a box as he tried to free it from a high shelf.
"No, its okay," Harry said, folding the photograph Moody had given him the previous night and putting in the pocket of his jumper. "I'll help out." He said, moving to help Ron with the box. Hermione shook her head slightly at Ginny who shrugged a response and returned to nosing through the old letters, trying to make sense of the smudged, cursive handwriting long faded from age.
"Got it!" Ron exclaimed, turning around proudly with the dusty cardboard box in his arms as Harry backed away, leaning against the wall and looking out onto the street through the hazy window. He didn't see as Ron tried to manoeuvre his way out of the closet and try to step over Hermione, only to knock over the tallest stack of alphabetized books in the process.
"Ronald!" Hermione scorned as Ron hopped comically on one foot, spinning on his toes to try and face Hermione only for the bottom of the box to give way, showering Hermione and her book piles in hundreds of scraps of paper, the floor turning white, the corners of pages overlapping like the scales of a dragon as Hermione squealed in shock.
"Bloody hell!" Ron exclaimed. The box had been heavy enough that he had to arch his back slightly to stay upright but the fast loss of the weight in his arms caused him to over balance and fall backwards, landing with a loud thump on the mangy carpet sending puffs of dust into the air, making him sputter, his clothing turning grey.
It was the sound that make Harry turn around initially, that and the tinkling sound of Ginny's laughter. The sound however died quickly once Ginny saw what had really fallen atop Hermione as the brown hair girl turned one of the pages over in her hands. Ginny leapt from the bed, landing softly next to the pile, her trainers silent on the floor.
"Is that?" Ginny asked, reaching towards what Hermione was turnings over in her hands.
"It's a photograph." Hermione said, passing it to Ginny who looked at it curiously. Ron had scrambled to his feet and was reaching towards the pile to see for himself while Hermione rummaged through the paper.
"Who's it of?" Harry asked, walking closer to the group and Ginny held the picture up to him over her shoulder. Harry looked at the image, it was a man – a boy really – that had faded a lot from time, but he could clearly make out the shaggy black hair and grey eyes of the man he'd seen in a picture before. "It's Sirius," he said seeing how teenaged Sirius smirked back at him, his eyes bright an alive as he looked at whoever was taking the photo. He smiled the same way he did in James and Lily's wedding photo, only this one had an air of mischief to it.
"There's something written on the back of it," Ginny said, craning her neck to the side to read the writing from her spot on the floor. "Sirius by the black lake, Summer 1976." She read and everyone looked at each other, each one thinking the same thing. He wasn't much older than they all were in the moment. It felt like looking through a window in time.
"Harry!" Hermione exclaimed, holding another photograph out towards him, reading the back out as she did so. "Lily and James, Christmas 1977," Harry looked at the picture, it was less faded than the others and in colour too. It showed his mother and father, both in their final year at Hogwarts in the Gryffindor common room he'd come to know so well. Lily sat on the end of the sofa, her bright red hair pulled into a messy bun as she read a card with a Christmas tree painted beautifully on the front while James, his hair a mess and his glasses slightly askew, lay with his head in her lap, smiling up at her thinking she didn't notice.
"They look so happy," Ginny said, looking over Harry's shoulder at the image.
"It's when they were first together," he said with a soft smile, a lump forming in his throat at the sight of his teenage parents. He'd seen picture of them before, at their wedding and of them holding him as an infant and even then they'd been young, only 21, but this was different. It wasn't just that their faces were young, but their eyes too. There was no tiredness, no weight from the fear of the looming war, nothing but happiness and love. It made his heart ache just looking at it.
"This one has your mum in it too, Harry," Hermione said again. She had a small pile of unsorted photo's in her lap already, but she held this one in front of her own face, cocking her head slightly in curiosity. "But who are the other girls?" she asked. When she turned it over to read the back, Harry could clearly see a group of four girls stood in a line, a large tree behind them and each in their school robes. Clearly the picture had been taken at Hogwarts. He saw his mother standing in the middle first, her fiery red hair unmistakeable. She was smiling, her robes spotless and her tie done up properly, a prefects badge winking on her chest. To her left stood a small girl who's robes were just as perfect except she wore a jumper under her robe as well, her dark brown hair pulled into two low pigtails and tied with a red ribbon, her smile slightly shy. To the far right stood a girl who Harry thought looked a lot like Angelina, not because of her skin tone which was a warm brown, but because of the competitive look in her dark eyes as she smirked almost boyishly at the camera, her tightly curled brown hair bleached slightly at the ends by the sun sat atop her shoulders, her tie hanging loose around her shirt, the top button undone. But it was the final girl that really caught Harry's eye, and apparently Ron and Ginny's too.
"Bloody hell!" Ron said, moving closer to see the girl in the image.
"She's beautiful!" Ginny said and Harry could see exactly what she meant. The final girl was stood between Lily and the Angelina look-alike, her arms slung playfully over the shoulders of both girls, Lily looked playfully exasperated by the action. She had pale skin with a soft dusting of freckles across her nose and cheekbones, her long blonde hair falling way past her shoulders and curling loosely. She was winking in the picture, her blue-grey eyes bright and alive, even in the frozen image. This girl wore no tie or robes at all, only a white shirt that was unbuttoned more than necessary but still didn't reveal anymore than the girls throat and collar bones which were clearly distinguished.
"Who is she?" Harry asked, curious now about the blonde in the image.
"Marlene McKinnon." Hermione said and the others all looked at her questioningly. "What?" she asked to their strange looks. "it says so on the back," she said flipping the image. "Look, Mary MacDonald – she's the little one with the pigtails – Lily Evans, Marlene McKinnon and Dorcas Meadowes. Lily's first day as prefect. " Hermione said pointing to each of the names on the back "This was taken when they were our age."Hermione said yet Harry couldn't shake the feeling that he'd already heard the names before, not too long ago. But before he could read too far into it he was having more photographs pushed under his nose.
"I've found another one of her," Ginny said, looking down at the photograph in her hands. "and your mum too." She said passing it to Harry. In the picture the two girls stood with their arms around one another in what Harry was sure to be the forbidden forest, their faces lit by the firelight. Lily wore a comfortable looking coat and flared jeans; a home knitted scarf wrapped around her neck indicating it was nearing the end of the year. Marlene however was wearing shorts, her long, pale legs exposed to the firelight, with a white top and a black leather jacket that looked far too big for her (One Harry was sure he'd seen before,) a cigarette hanging from her plum painted lips. "McKitten and Lilypad." Ginny read aloud and everyone looked at each other. "They gave each other nicknames?"
"Apparently so," Hermione said, holding up a few more pictures, one was labelled with Doe and showed who Harry now knew to be Dorcas Meadowes smiling brightly at the camera with what Harry soon noticed to be a cat on her head. "So Doe is Dorcas," Hermione said, clearly trying to riddle out who was who. "Padfoot is obviously Sirius," she said, placing the first photo they'd found next t the one of Dorcas. She began ticking each of them off, one by one and laying the pictures down. Prongs. Wormtail. Moony. Lils. Mar. until she was left with a picture of Marlene in her hands. The girl was sat on a swing in what looked like a muggle park. She was leaning back so the tips of her hair touched the ground, but only just, her eyes shut and Hermione saw Sirius in the background watching her. "Apparently Marlene only had that nickname, and I think we all know who it came from." Hermione said with a smile.
"Sirius." They all chorused. Before breaking into laughing. The longer they searched the more the pictures changed. They saw them all through their years at Hogwarts. They soon learnt that it had been Mary, a muggleborn girl that had brought the Polaroid camera to school having gotten it for a birthday in fourth year and each of them using it to capture memories from then on. There were birthdays and Christmas's, Halloweens and summers that showed the group of teenagers, each of them smiling and each of them happy and alive. They saw them as they graduated Hogwarts and even some after. They'd began sorting the pictures into piles depending on what year they were in. Hermione had wanted them organised by exact date but the others had rebuffed that idea.
"'Mione," Ginny said, leaning over the pile slightly, "Pass me that one." She said indicating to a photo next to Hermione's foot that lay face up, the image clearly shown. Hermione barely looked at it as she passed it over, far too transfixed in the images she had in her lap. "1976 - At last." Ginny read aloud as Harry and Ron who sat either side of her, a handful of photographs in both their hands, leant over her shoulder to see. The picture depicted a couple caught kissing by the black lake, the sun setting behind them. It was only just light enough in the image to see who it was.
"That's Sirius," Harry said, amazed by the image.
"And Marlene," Ron scoffed, clearly not believing it was possible for Sirius to have wound up with such a beautiful girl. "Bloody lucky git."
"Ron," Hermione scolded. "You don't even know her and she must be old enough to be your mother now, you can't honestly be jealous." She said and Ron just scowled slightly.
After that moment the group seemed to come across more and more picture of the couple. There were ones of Sirius and Marlene sitting together in the common room, ones of them on Sirius's motorbike, even ones of him carrying her over his shoulder as she laughed or of them lighting cigarettes off of one another. they even came across a peculiar one of Sirius drinking a shot of firewhiskey that he been balanced on Marlene's stomach, the others whooping and cheering around them.
"I can't believe it." Ginny said looking at one of the picture at James and Lily's wedding. Marlene was dressed in a modestly short green dress, her blonde hair swept up neatly in braids and curls, flowers woven through the braids making her look like a princess from a fairytale. It was clear that she was Lily's maid of honour and she even held the bouquet of lilies wrapped in green ribbon that Lily had held as she walked down the aisle. Her and Sirius were dancing alone on the dance floor, balloons and confetti at their feet, every one else seeming to have left. The back read "The one who caught the bouquet."
"You never mentioned that Sirius had a fiancé," Hermione said, passing Harry another photograph of Marlene from Lily and James' wedding. This one was of her holding out her hand, a beautiful, antique looking ring shimmering on her finger as she smiled, Sirius kissing her forehead with his arm around her waist.
"That's because I didn't know," Harry said, looking at the picture in astonishment, reading the back of what he now recognised as his mothers writing. 'Look who finally popped the question'.
"Harry," Hermione said, her lap covered in photographs of Marlene and Sirius, each of them one she thought Harry should see. "Are you sure Sirius never mentioned her?" she said, passing him one of the photo's in particular. But Harry just shook his head as he accepted the image.
"Bloody hell!" Ron announced "How could you not mention her!" he said and Ginny laughed at the jealous tinge to his voice.
"Ronald!" Hermione chastened once again.
"Sirius never has." Harry said bleakly, looking at the photograph in his hands. It showed Sirius wrapping his arms tightly around Marlene in what Harry recognised as his parents home at Godric's hollow. A very tired looking Lily was in the picture, crying silently with a baby Harry in her arms. The back of the photograph read 'Harry's going to be getting a playmate!'. "But I know somebody who has." He said looking at the others questioning looks sadly.
Silently, Harry reached into his jumper pocket, pulling out the folded photograph of the first Order of the Phoenix. He unfolded it and lay it on the clearest piece of carpet so that everyone could get a good look.
"Moody gave me this last night," he said as everyone took in the image. "There's Marlene there." He said and the others all looked at the girl who stood between Sirius and Lily. Unlike all the other photographs they'd seen that day, this one moved. Marlene and Lily kept looking at one another and smiling brightly. James was hugging his wife and looking happily at Marlene's stomach, clearly happy about what was happening while Sirius wrapped his arm around Marlene's shoulders, kissing the top of her hair while she smiled, leaning into his touch with her eyes closed. The perfect little family.
"This is incredible," Hermione said, looking at everyone in the picture. Remus stood next to Dorcas, each of them casting glances at one another when they knew the other wasn't looking, blushing when they got caught. Mary was clearly giggling slightly at the pair as she smiled, so much more confident than the shy girl with the red ribboned pigtails while peter stood looking awfully shifty.
"Marlene McKinnon," Harry said, "Moody pointed her out first." And the others all shared a surprised look. "'That's Marlene McKinnon, beautiful girl' he said , ' she was killed two weeks after this was taken, they got her whole family." That's where I've heard her name." Harry finished and everybody looked at him, stunned into silence.
"She's dead?" Ron exclaimed, his eyes wide with shock.
"That would explain why Sirius doesn't talk about her," Hermione said sympathisingly, her eyes looking at the pictures sat in her lap of the happy blonde girl who seemed to smoke and drink like she wasn't going to see tomorrow.
"If anything he should want to honour her!" Ginny said, a bitter tone to her voice that nobody was expecting. "If I died I wouldn't want anybody to forget me."
"I doubt he's forgotten her, Gin," Hermione reasoned. "They were going to have a baby after-" but Hermione cut herself off with a horrified gasp. She looked at the Order of the Phoenix photograph, at the slight bump visible beneath Marlene's jumper, so subtle she'd overlooked it the first time. "Merlin that's horrible," she said, her hand over her mouth in horror.
"What is it?" Ginny asked, snatching the photograph and looking at it with furious eyes.
"Look at Marlene," Hermione said, leaning over and pointing to the blonde's belly. "This photograph was taken two weeks before she died, and this one is dated for a few months before." She said pointing at the photograph Harry still held. But the others still looked at her blankly. "Marlene was pregnant when she died." Hermione said and then Ginny gasped too, her grip on the photograph tightening as her face reddened.
"He's not happy until he's destroyed everything, is he?" she demanded angrily and the others looked at her slightly nervously.
"Who?" Hermione asked wary of the angry little red head, notorious for her temper.
"Voldemort!" she spat and Ron made a strange noise of disapproval, something caught between a growl and hiss.
"Don't say that, Gin!" he announced.
"It's true though," Harry said, finally pulling himself from his stupor. "I can count the amount of people alive in this photograph on one hand, and they're nearly all downstairs." He said bitterly.
"That can't be true?" Hermione said more as a question than a statement, but Harry just shook his head.
"He killed Dorcas personally." He said, pointing to the blushing witch with the tight brown curls and fierce look in her eyes.
"She must have been very talented." Hermione said idly and the others nodded their agreement. The group fell into silence then. Harry clutched the picture of Marlene and Sirius in his hands. Hermione had cleared her lap of all pictures and was looking instead at the Order of the Phoenix photo while Ginny and Ron shared sad glances as they looked at the faces they recognised as family.
"Dinners ready!" the sound of Mrs. Weasley's voice shattered their silence and reminded them that they were still in Grimmauld place. Looking at the photographs had dragged them all into the past, let them walk the paths of their friends and even their parents. They saw as relationships formed and as they fell apart. The idea of walking downstairs and eating with Remus and Sirius in a few moments sounded unbearable.
"Are you coming, Harry?" Hermione asked from the doorway. He hadn't even realised as the other had stood up, each making their way to the door to go have their dinner, like nothing had even happened.
"I'll catch up with you," he said bleakly, giving his friends a weak reassuring smile. With an understanding nod the others left, leaving the door slightly ajar behind them.
Harry had no idea how long he'd been sat pouring over the photographs once again but it must have been a while since he heard a few sets of footsteps as they made their way towards him, growing louder each second until two grown men stood in the doorway to the abandoned bedroom.
"You okay, Harry?" said a voice that Harry recognised as Sirius'. It was surreal to look at their faces now. Sirius had looked so much more alive in the photographs, just a young man ready to take on the world. Now he looked slightly ragged, the manic look from Azkaban still weighing heavily in his eyes. Remus looked a lot older now too, his hair grey instead of the dutsy brown he's seen, the hope that Harry had witnessed when he looked at Dorcas, or at his friend was gone, now his eye's seemed empty, having lost too much over all this time.
"Where did you find these?" Remus asked, picking up a photograph, his face void of anything when he turned it face up to reveal the fierce smile of Dorcas Meadowes, her tight curls filled with white flowers that Lily had found in a field.
"Harry-" Sirius began when he saw what Remus was looking at, the way his friends face had paled slightly at the sight of the naturally beautiful young witch, but Harry cut him off.
"How could you never tell me?" he asked and Sirius and Remus looked at one another, neither one knowing what to say. "you're always talking about my parents, how perfect they were and how in love they were, but you never once mentioned who you loved. Why?" Harry asked and he saw as Sirius took a deep breath, readying himself to answer, only for Remus to take over.
"Harry, you need to understand, these are people we lost a long time ago. Some long before your parents," He said and Sirius shot him a glare, knowing full well he was talking about the first of their little group to die. Marlene. "And you need to know just how painful that was for us. We can't talk about the past all the time, we'd never have a future." Remus said reasonably as Harry moved to sit on the edge of the bed, three pictures still held in his grip. The one of his parents in the common room, the one of Marlene and Sirius in Godric's hollow and finally one of Remus and Dorcas in the library that he had found which showed Remus laughing as Dorcas drew on him with her quill to distract him from his book.
"But you loved them. You and Dorcas," Harry said looking at Remus, but the older man just sighed.
"Dorcas was a very talented witch, and she was also a brilliant person. She was brave and bold, everything I wanted to be at that age. Doe accepted me as I was, didn't question anything, only helped where she could." He said with a soft, nostalgic smile. "And I loved her for that. But she knew what she wanted and I couldn't be that for her. There was too much at stake. We were over before we ever truly began." Remus said sadly, looking at her photograph fondly. "Just because I don't speak of her, doesn't mean I don't remember her or miss her." He said before placing the photograph back onto the floor and turning to leave the room. Nothing but silence filled the void he left.
"Sirius, you and Marlene-" Harry began but Sirius raised a hand to silence him.
"I know, Harry, I should have told you; there just didn't seem any point. You wouldn't have known who she was even if I did tell you." he said and Harry still couldn't help the feeling of betrayal that settled in his stomach. He always confided in Sirius, he told him everything, yet Sirius still kept so much bottled up. "Like Remus said, we can't expect to go forward if we stay in the past."
"Tell me about her," Harry said calmly, passing Sirius the pile of photographs that Harry had made. Instead of organizing by date, Harry had made piles of people, this one in particular being Marlene.
"Where to start," Sirius said with a laugh, taking the wad of Polaroid's with his scarred hands, his eyes instantly meeting hers in the first photograph. "Marlene was all fire," he began with a soft smile as Harry listened intently. "She burned the brightest when it got dark. She would take things too seriously or not seriously at all. She was too sensitive or too heartless. But never once did she care what anyone thought of her." He said with a laugh, remembering the way she'd walked around the common room in next to nothing from fifth year onwards. "She could hate with every fibre of her being or love with every piece of her heart. There was no in-between, Marlene didn't even know what the word grey meant. For her it was all or nothing. And she wanted everything-" He said but broke of slightly. He'd been flicking through the photographs as he spoke, some he recognised as ones he'd taken, others were beautiful reminders of drunken endeavours, each one a little piece of her that he felt he was getting back. "- but she settled for nothing. She decided to stay with me even after everything I put her through,"
"What do you mean?" Harry asked curiously, looking up at his godfather like he'd never seen him before. Sirius looked more broken in this moment than Harry had ever seen him.
"Your father wasn't the only one who was a prat when he was younger. I played with girls hearts just like how James tortured Snivellus. Marlene was the one girl who could fight back, and that meant me taking things too far and it nearly cost me her forever. I still don't know why she came back to me." He said, hanging his head slightly in shame.
"She loved you." Harry said and Sirius could hear the wisdom in his voice. It reminded him of James, of the way he'd lecture Sirius about Marlene. Giving him the talk was always something Sirius looked forward to every time he and Marlene rekindled the old flame, a flame that soon became a wildfire, scorching all in its path.
"And I her." He said with a smile. "Things would be very different if she was here now."
"You'd have a child of your own." Harry said sadly, not just for Sirius, but for himself. if Sirius had his own child, it seemed less likely he'd be this enthusiastic to be with Harry, to protect him.
"And you'd be like siblings; you wouldn't have grown up alone." Sirius said, his voice heavy with regret and Harry could see that he was going to need to take control of this, drag Sirius away from the past, the same way he would for Harry.
"Is all the food gone?" Harry asked and Sirius looked at him with soft eyes.
"It will be by the time Ron's finished." Sirius replied with a laugh. "Let's go grab a bit while we can." He said, standing up and slinging is arm around the shoulders of his godson, both of them walking towards the door. "Best keep this closed for a while," he said, pulling the door to the old bedroom shut "Leave the past where it is for now," he finished with a wink as the door clicked shut and the two made their way down towards the kitchen like it was just an ordinary day.
It seemed that they had indeed left the past where it was as Sirius never did mention the girl in the photographs again, but he kept her close in pockets and drawers, places no one would think to look, and he felt as thought she was watching over him. It's because of this that Sirius was content as he fell through the veil, even with the anguished sounds of his godson's screams. Because he knew she would be there to catch him on the other side.