Disclaimer: I don't own Wicked, and the characters and lyrics depicted in this story are not mine. I am simply borrowing them from Gregory Maguire & Stephen Schwartz for a little bit of wicked fun.

Chapter 1 - No One Mourns The Wicked

The good news spread quickly throughout Oz, and across the land the joyful celebrations were still in full-swing. The citizens of Oz were dancing jigs and popping corked bottles of fizzy elixirs throughout the yellow-bricked streets and shining emerald-coloured town squares from the East to the West. The Ozian Officials had announced that today would be an impromptu Oz-wide holiday to mark the occasion.

Generally when a person died the surrounding events would be mournful or somber, but in the event of this particular individual's death there was cause for celebration. The deceased person in question was none other than the Wicked Witch of the West, public enemy number one, the evil being who held the Land of Oz in the grip of terror and fear. Let it be said that enthusiastic was an inadequate description.

As excited Ozians danced and twirled to the four-piece band that had spontaneously set up in the square beneath the towers of the Wizard's Palace, a glistening sphere appeared in the sky above the Emerald City. The Oz-folk that had gathered were gossiping excitedly to one another.

'Good news! She's dead!'

'The Witch of the West is dead!'

'The Wickedest Witch there ever was-'

'-the enemy of all of us here in Oz is dead!'

'Good news!'

As the sphere descended into the square it was easily recognisable as a large shiny bubble. Contained within this bubble was none other than Glinda the Good, the well-loved and popular spokeswoman to the Ozian populace, and associate good-witch to the Wonderful Wizard of Oz.

Within a few moments of the arrival of Glinda's bubble, an adoring crowd had gathered as Glinda personally delivered the good news to the citizens of Oz.

'It's good to see me isn't it. No need to respond, that was rhetorical.' Glinda's melodious voice echoed across the square.

'Fellow Ozians, let us be glad! Let us be grateful! Let us rejoicify that goodness could subdue the wicked working of you-know-who!' she proclaimed. 'Isn't it nice to know that Good will conquer Evil? The truth we all believe will by and by outlive a lie. For you and-'

'Glinda! Exactly how dead is she?' one young Munchkin boy called out.

Glinda gathered herself up to her full height and replied in a more officious tone than her regular soprano.

'Because there has been so much rumour and speculation, innuendo and outuendo, let me set the record straight. According to the Time Dragon Clock the 'Melting' occurred at the thirteenth hour, the direct result of a bucket of water thrown by a female child. Yes, the Wicked Witch of the West is dead.'

Cheers and exultations followed her announcement as Glinda stepped out of her bubble. Snatches of conversations were discernable above the noise of the crowd.

'No one mourns the wicked!'

'No one cries if they don't return-'

'-bet no one lays a lily on their grave.'

'-the good man scorns the wicked!'

'-through their lives, our children learn what we miss when we misbehave!'

As the exclamations and judgments of the Ozians grew louder, Glinda drew the crowd's attention.

'Goodness knows the Wicked's lives are lonely.' she proclaimed solemnly. 'Goodness knows the Wicked die alone!'

'Nothing grows for the Wicked, they reap only what they've sown.' The last of the conversations died down as another citizen quizzed Glinda as she contemplated the life of 'the Wicked'.

'Glinda! Why does Wickedness happen?'

The blonde Good-witch was quick with her reply.

'That's a good question! One that many people find confusifying. Are people born Wicked? Or do they have Wickedness thrust upon them? After all, she had a childhood. She had a father, who just happened to be the Governor of Munchkinland.'

Glinda began to relay the story of the Wicked Witch's origins. How Frex, the Witch's father, was regularly absent due to the demands of his Governorship. And how her mother was lonely for companionship and would entertain travelling strangers while her husband was at the Governor's Assembly.

Melena, the Wicked Witch's mother, encountered one particular gentlemen who seduced her with a potent alcoholic drink known only as 'Green Elixir'. Coincidentally it was exactly nine months after this liaison, following a particularly ordinary pregnancy that Melena gave birth to a healthy, perfect, lovely, little baby girl. Actually, it would be incorrect to describe the infant as perfect. Although she did indeed have ten fingers and ten toes, she was the right size and weight for a newborn child, and she would have been adorable if not for the unusually verdant shade of her skin. The midwife claimed the baby was atrocious, and Frex described her as obscene. They said the newborn was like a froggy, ferny cabbage, and indeed the baby was unnaturally green.

At the conclusion of her story, Glinda expressed her sympathies for a child growing up with such an abnormal colouring.

Glinda concluded her announcement with a few final sentiments as she prepared return to the Emerald Palace by bubble.

'Well, this has been fun. But as you can imagine, I have much to attend to, what with the Wizard's unexpected departure. And so if there are no further questions-'

'Glinda! Is it true, you were her friend?' asked a nosey Ozian man.

The crowd gasped in disbelief. Glinda, stunned by the question, stuttered her reply.

'Um, well...I...Ah...Yes.'

The crowd gasped in shock.

'Well, it depends on what you mean by "friend". I did know her. That is, our paths did cross. At school...but you must understand it was a long time ago...and we were both very young...'

In her mind's eye Glinda recalled her first day as a student attending Shiz University, and as the memories came alive it felt like it really was only yesterday that she met the Wicked Witch of the West for the first time.

* Author's Note: Please review! Would love to know what you think!