TITLE:  The Conversation

AUTHOR:  chessqueen

DISCLAIMER:  Smallville and its characters are owned by The WB, DC Comics, and Millar/Gough Productions.

RATING:  PG

SPOILERS:  Season 2

SUMMARY:  Chloe finally deals with her feelings about Lana, Clark, and herself.

----------------------------------------

     Crash.

     Chloe sighed.  Without looking up from her newspaper, she called, "Lana, are you alright?"

     "Yeah," Lana answered from the bathroom.  "But I broke your bottle of perfume.  Sorry.  I'll buy you another bottle tomorrow."

     "Don't worry about it," Chloe said more cheerfully than she felt.  "I hardly ever use it."

     Lana was driving her crazy and it took all the strength she had sometimes to keep from strangling her.  Ever since Clark had left, Lana had sequestered herself in the Sullivan home.  The only time she ventured out was to work at the Talon.  Unfortunately, because it was summer, Chloe was stuck at home with her.  The Torch wasn't published during the break and she'd turned down Lionel Luthor's offer to get her an internship at The Daily Planet.  It just didn't seem right to accept it after Clark had so suddenly and mysteriously disappeared.

     But Chloe Sullivan tried not to think about that.  She had enough to deal with with Lana hanging around the house all the time.

     "Sorry again about the perfume," Lana said from the bathroom doorway.  "Honestly, I'll buy you another bottle tomorrow."

     "Like I said, that's okay," Chloe said, finally looking up.  She could tell that Lana had been crying.  She'd been doing that a lot lately.  Chloe tried not let it get to her so she pretended not to notice it.

     "Do you mind if I turn on the stereo?" Lana asked.

     "Go ahead."

     Lana walked over to Chloe's stereo and turned on the CD player, a few seconds later Creed filled the room.  Oh, God, Chloe thought, not Creed again.  She'd only disliked their music before, but with Lana's constant playing of it, she'd come to abhor it.  Ever since Clark had left two months ago, Lana had been on this spiritual kick, but Chloe didn't want to think about that so she continued reading the paper.  Meanwhile, Lana padded over to her bed and plopped down on it.  She picked up a copy of Vogue from her nightstand and began flipping through the magazine.

     Although Lana had been staying with the Sullivans for only six months, Chloe had a hard time remembering their lives BLL – Before Lana Lang.  It was commonplace for her to find strands of long brown hair in the bathroom sink.  Also, her favorite ice cream seemed to disappear at a faster rate than it used to.  For the most part, they got along quite well considering they were both only children now forced to share a room together.  There was only one sore spot between them; he was 6'5'', muscular, handsome, with beautiful brown hair, and the most amazing green eyes.  But Chloe tried not to think about him.  He'd made his choice and it hadn't been her.

     "Pete called earlier while you were downstairs in the kitchen," Lana said.

     "Really?  How is he enjoying California?"

     "He's not.  He can't help worrying about Clark."

     "Hmm," Chloe said then reached for her cup of coffee and took a sip.  She could feel Lana's eyes boring into her like lasers but what else could she say, she didn't know where Clark was.

     "He really misses him," Lana continued.  "I just wish Clark would come home, you know."

     "Philosophically speaking, Clark will come home when he's ready."

     "But what if he never comes back?  What if we can't convince him that he belongs here, that we all love him?  He really took his mom's accident hard; he actually blames himself for it.  Before he left, he kept going on about how it was all his fault and …."

     "Look.  There is nothing any of us can do about Clark.  He's a big boy and can take care of himself," Chloe said harshly but not as harshly as she felt.  She didn't want to talk about Clark Kent.  She didn't want to think about him and how seemingly easy it was for him to abandon everyone who loved him.  Chloe also didn't want to be reminded of the fact that Lana was the last person to see him before he left, the only one who'd had a chance to say goodbye.

     Lana sighed then fell silent for a few minutes.

     "What do you think of this dress?" she asked as she turned the magazine over to face Chloe.

     Chloe tried not to scowl as she looked up.  Why the hell was Lana asking her?  "It's nice," she said then went back to reading the editorial page of The Daily Planet.

     "I think I saw a knock-off of this dress in The Spiegel's catalogue.  Do you think it's me?" Lana asked referring to a black sequined spaghetti-strapped sheath dress.

     "Sure," Chloe said without looking up from her paper.

     Lana fell silent as she continued looking through the magazine.  After twenty minutes of silence, Lana finally said, "I think I'll head over to the Talon to take some inventory."

     "Great," Chloe said casually.  At last, some time alone.  Lana slowly got up, headed over to her dresser, and grabbed her purse.  "I'll be back in an hour."

     "Okay, have fun."

     Chloe continued reading the newspaper until she heard the front door slam, then she got up from her bed and shut off Creed.  She skimmed her CD collection then pulled out Bitter by MeShell Ndegeocello.  Now this is more like it, she thought as she went to lie down on her bed.  But before reaching her bed, a book on Lana's nightstand caught her eye – Sappho's Leap by Erica Jong.  She picked it up and took it over to her bed but just as she was about to lie down, an envelope fell out of the book.  Turning it over, Chloe saw Lana's name and the Sullivans' address written in Clark's handwriting on the front of the envelope.  She then looked at the post mark.  It was post marked three weeks prior from a postal station in Metropolis.  There was no return address.

     Her head began to swirl and her heart stopped.  Clark was in Metropolis and … Lana hadn't told her.  Chloe sat down on the edge of the bed stunned.  Mechanically, Chloe began putting the envelope back into Lana's book, then stopped.  Suddenly her shock was replaced by a blinding white hot anger.  Why would Lana keep something like this from everyone, from her?  Weren't they supposed to be friends?  Hadn't she asked her father to let Lana stay with them after Nell had gotten married and moved away?  And this was how Lana had repayed her!

     Chloe snatched the letter out of the envelope.  It was only a few lines but in those few lines, Chloe's whole world crashed in on her and she began to cry.  Clark had written that his offer was still open if Lana wanted to join him in Metropolis and "play house."  Chloe flung the letter on the floor then dropped the envelope and book beside it.

     Offer still open, the words flooded Chloe's mind and kept repeating themselves like a scratched vinyl record.  Offer still open if you want to join me.  It was too much.  After a few minutes, Chloe's despair turned to anger.  She, Chloe, had loved Clark longest, fiercest, and most, yet he'd asked Lana to run away with him.  Chloe slowly lowered herself to the floor.  After drawing her knees to her chest and putting her head against them, Chloe let out a gut-wrenching, screeching sob.

***

     She'd always loved Clark.  Before meeting him, she hadn't believed in love, and certainly not love at first sight.  After her mom had left, she couldn't imagine anyone loving her and the thought of falling in love with another human being terrified her because people could be fickle, arbitrary, and cruel, they could take off without a moment's notice and without even bothering to say goodbye.  But on her first day of school at Smallville Junior High, she'd fell madly, foolishly in love with a fourteen-year-old lanky farm boy.  Clark Kent had given her a tour of the school and afterwards had invited her over to his house for pie.  As they stood in the Kents' hayloft, she'd kissed him.  Bam!  Just like that!  Of course, she'd played it off.  She'd declared with a confidence she hadn't felt that she knew he'd wanted to kiss her all day and that she'd decided to put him out of his misery.  She'd hoped that just like in the movies, he'd put his arm around her waist, draw her close, and give her a long, smoldering, toe-curling kiss.  But alas, he'd only been a fourteen-year-old farm boy and had been more shocked than anything else.  Not too long after that she'd found out from Pete that Clark was torturously, unrequitedly in love with Lana Lang.

***

     Chloe was so caught up in her feelings that she didn't hear the front door opening and closing.  She didn't hear Lana running up the stairs and thus was startled when Lana said "Chloe, are you okay?"  Chloe looked up to see Lana's concerned face.  But after taking in the scene, Lana's face darkened.

     "What are you doing with this?" she asked coldly as she bent down to pick up her book, Clark's letter, and the envelope.

     "It was an accident, I was looking at the book when the letter fell out," Chloe said then stopped.  How dare Lana Lang get upset with her?  "Why the hell didn't you tell anyone Clark wrote to you?"

     "He asked me to keep it a secret," Lana said putting the letter and envelope inside the book and tossing the book on her bed.

     "You know how much we've all been so worried about Clark – me, Pete, the Kents.  How could you be so selfish?" Chloe said standing up to face Lana.

     "I've been trying to convince Clark to come home but he won't."

     "You've been trying to convince Clark to come home," Chloe said mockingly, her voice rising.  "Have you seen him?" she asked taking a step toward Lana.

     Lana stepped back visibly frightened.  "No.  I've only spoken to him over the phone."

     "Why didn't you tell me?"

     "Because …."

     Chloe blacked out only for a second.  For in the next instance, in a blinding rage, she slapped Lana squarely across the face.  Lana stood stunned for a moment then after regaining her senses she pushed Chloe onto the bed, turned, then began walking away.  Chloe recovered quickly, got up, then charged at Lana knocking them both to the ground.  After they wrestled on the floor for a few minutes, Chloe finally got the upper hand and was able to sit on top of Lana.  From this position, she began hitting the brown haired girl in the face and the head, all the time crying.

     "How could you keep this information to yourself?"  Hit.  "You're not the only one who misses him."  Hit.  "You could never love him as much as I do."  Hit.  "Until a few months ago, you didn't even know he was alive."

     "Get off of me," Lana screamed, and with all her strength, she knocked Chloe off her.

     Lana stood up quickly.  Chloe, however, just sat on the floor, tears streaming down her face.  "You're not the only one he left behind."

     "I know," Lana said quietly.

     "Do you?  For the past two months, you've been walking around this house as if Clark's disappearance was your own personal tragedy.  You, you, you.  That's the only person you've been concerned about."

     "I've had enough.  I am tired of always having to censor my feelings for Clark in order to spare yours.  That's why I didn't tell you about Clark's letters and phone calls."

     "Bitch," Chloe said then lunged for Lana's knees.  Expecting to be attacked again, Lana quickly moved out of the way of the assault.

     "Clark likes me and I like him.  You'll just have to deal with it because I'm not going to apologize for it anymore."

     "I am so sick of everything being about you.  If Clark wants to play the simpering hero to your damsel in distress, then that's his sick bag."

     "What!"

     "O Clark, save me.  Save me from the tornado.  Save me from this crazy psycho and that crazy psycho.  Save me from myself," Chloe said mockingly.

     "You don't know a damn thing about me and you're not interested in trying to find anything out.  You don't know how hard it is for me," Lana said then sank onto her bed as if her bones had magically disappeared.

     "I am sick of hearing about your dead parents and Whitney.  Save the guilt trip for someone else.  I'm not buying it anymore."

     "I get scared sometimes, a lot of the time actually," Lana said as if in a daze.  "You're going to make it out of Smallville.  Clark will probably make it out of Smallville too.  But me?  I'm not so sure.  Plus, I'm tired of being the pretty girl, the cheerleader, the quarterback's girlfriend, and the girl whose parents died in that horrible, freak meteor shower.  I want to be me, yet I don't know who that is."

     "You know what?  I don't care.  Clark loves you.  As much as I love him, as long as I have loved him, in the end, he chose you."

     "Then why did you ask me to move in with you and your dad?  Nell could have forced me to move to Metropolis with her but you offered to put me up.  If you hadn't, I would have been out of your hair; you would have had Clark to yourself."

     Chloe got up from the floor and sat down on the bed next to Lana.  She just sat there silently for what seemed like an eternity.  "Chloe, answer me.  Why did you ask me to stay here?"

     "I don't know," Chloe said raising her arms then dropping them at her side.  She suddenly felt tired and a lot less angry with Lana.

     "You don't know.  You don't know.  You arrange for your enemy to move into your house and you don't know why."

     "Just drop it."

     Lana was about to say something else but decided against it.  The two of them continued sitting on Lana's bed not uttering a sound, allowing their feelings to wash over them.

     "Maybe I should call Nell to see if she's willing to take me back."

     Chloe didn't answer her.  This is what she wanted, wasn't it?  This was the answer to her prayers, right?  "No," Chloe said then looked at Lana.

     "No?  You'd have Clark all to yourself."

     "No.  No, I wouldn't.  He'd still be pining over you."  Then it hit her, the obvious finally dawned on her.  "I can't control how Clark feels.  I can't even control how I feel.  After all that has happened between me and Clark, you and Clark, you and me, none of us can control how we feel about anything."

     "I've been watching you these past few months Chloe Sullivan," Lana said as she put her arm around Chloe's shoulders.  "You're the smartest, gutsiest, most passionate woman I know.  Clark is really lucky to have you love him."

     "No, he's not," Chloe said looking down at her hands.  "You wanted to know why I asked you to stay here with me and my dad.  I knew it would make Clark happy, and I thought he couldn't help falling in love with me after seeing how much I was willing to sacrifice for him.  So you see, my love for Clark isn't all pure.  I tried to manipulate his feelings."

     "Well, none of us have acted 100% honorably throughout this ordeal.  I knew my relationship with Clark bothered you but I was too afraid of confrontation to be honest about my feelings, with you and myself."

     "I'm sorry I hit you … and screamed at you … and read your letter," Chloe said bumping her shoulder against Lana's.

     "That's okay.  It did give us a chance to really talk.  Hey, I stopped off at the supermarket on my way home from the Talon.  Would you like some Chunky Monkey, roomie?" Lana said standing up.

     "Sure roomie," Chloe said then followed Lana downstairs.