Fading to Black

I screamed aloud.

He had killed Sirius. It was his fault. My son; it was all his fault. How could Harry do it? Now I looked at Remus, the last Marauder standing. With a twinge of anger I knew he wouldn't do a damned thing. He didn't even know I was alive, nobody did. And nobody ever would.

Well, then again, I'm not exactly sure you could call my condition alive. But I'm still here.

Now, Harry, I'm going to tell you a little story. You remember your father, James? You remember how happy Sirius and Remus said we were together? You remember your album of pictures of us? Do you remember the Marauders' undying friendship, our undying friendship?

Well, guess what? It's all bullshit.

I'll tell you one thing right now: I never loved your father. And no, Harry, I'm not drunk. I married James just to spite him. Ha. Sounds strange, doesn't it? Well it's true. Our marriage was horrible. It was a rocky, bumpy road to paradise, but I made it. Do you want to know my paradise, Harry?

Your godfather was my paradise. He would fuck me from sunup to sundown everyday your father was gone plotting some way to steal the Sorcerer's Stone from Flamel. Finally he found a way and it was in our vault when that idiot Hagrid had to go and take it out. I could have lived forever, but I chose not to. Do you know why, Harry?

I'll tell you why. I told Peter to hand us over to the Dark Lord. Why, you ask? I don't know. Mostly to see how much James could stand. And I wanted Sirius, the man I loved to take care of you, Harry, but no. My bitch of a sister and her fat-ass husband had to take you in under that idiot Dumbledore's orders. I always thought he was insane.

I loved you, Harry. I loved you with all my heart. Everyday I watched you sleep, your green eyes – the same color as mine – fluttering softy in the moonlight. I hoped that you would never be the man your father was.

I've fooled a lot of people, Harry, into thinking I'm someone that I'm not. But I never dreamed my son could fool me. I thought you were worthy of my love, but you were not. Sirius was the only one who ever was, and you killed him.

I hate you, Harry. I'd kill you if I could.