Split Screen Sadness, a school of rock fanfic

Split Screen Sadness by CHINSKY

Disclaimer: I don't own School of Rock, though that would be heaven, and I don't own John Mayer or the song Split Screen Sadness.

A/N: One-shot song-fic, for the song Split Screen Sadness by John Mayer. Yeah it's not rock, but I was listening to it and I came up with this idea. I think it's kind of different...yet...kind of the same...from my other fics. Whatever, just read it. And please review. Thanks.

#&(#$&#

Pain. To hurt and to be hurt, to love and then to lose. Summer Hathaway, seventeen and the epitome of a parents dream, was not all she was cut out to be. Straight A's since the third grade, yes. A scholarship to Columbia University under her belt, yes. A nice, responsible, mature girl, sure. A girl who would never think to disobey her mother or her father...maybe not. And a girl who stayed true to her friends and always did what was in her heart? Not anymore.

There were plenty of things she knew she shouldn't be doing. Driving at high speeds, late at night, past curfew was one. Breaking the unwritten rules of friendship and love was another. Still crying silently over a boy that was long since lost...well, that was a different thing entirely.

To lose someone so close, and yet now so far, was a hard thing to deal with. Her tears blinded her as she drove, making her angry and making her push the gas pedal down further. Her thoughts were wild and crazy, and so to calm them down the flipped on the radio. A station she didn't know, didn't like, and didn't care about. Anything to drown out the accusations flying around in her mind.

And I don't know where you went when you left me, but

It says here in the water, you must be gone by now.

I can tell somehow.

Summer cried out in frustration at the world. Not a song that reminded her of him. Any song but one that reminded her of him. She didn't need this. Not now.

One hand on the trigger of a telephone

Wondering when the call comes

Where you say it's all right,

You got your heart right.

She slowed down the car and gaped at the car radio. The pain in the voice of the person singing was almost evident. It hurt her, because she had been through the same thing. Suddenly, she shook her head violently and flipped to the next station, hoping for something loud and violent to distract her. But, to her overwhelming surprise, the same song was playing on that station too.

Maybe I'll sleep inside my coat

And wait on your porch till you come back home.

Oh right...

I can't find a flight.

Summer slowed down the car some more, now she was barely going 30 mph. She felt fresh tears coming from inside her, begging to come out, along with a load of other emotions. Rage. Anger. Frustration. And worst of all, love.

We share the sadness

Split screen sadness...

2 wrongs make it all alright tonight

Summer had the car at a complete stop in the middle of the road. Her hands gripped the steering wheel, tighter, tighter. Her knuckles were turning white. She didn't register that pain. The only place she felt pain was where the words were hitting her, in her heart.

All you need is love—is a lie

'Cause we had love, but we still said goodbye

Now we're tired. Battered fighters.

That's what did it. She broke down. She removed her hands from the steering wheel, and sobbed heavily in the stalling car. Her tears fell fast, her face felt sticky and gross but her heart felt worse. The pain that had once dulled and numbed was back and sharper than she ever remembered it to be, and only because of what she had heard that night.

And it stings, when it's nobody's fault,

'Cause there's nothing to blame, at the drop of your name

It's only the air you took, and the breath you left.

She collapsed in her car, and lay down across the seats. How often had she thought the same exact thing? It wasn't her fault. She tried blaming herself but her conscience got the best of her. She tried blaming him, but she couldn't make that work. She still loved him too much to blame him.

So maybe I'll sleep inside my coat

And wait on your porch till you come back home...

"I can't," Summer whispered to herself. "He's gone. Really gone. Not just for me, but for the rest of us too. It's too late. I'm too late. I'm always late. I'm always wrong, I'm always stupid and I can never make things right again."

Oh right...

I can't find a flight.

She was near yelling now, rage soaring through her. Her brain was working and her mouth was moving but she wasn't talking to anyone. She was ranting and she was expressing what had been locked inside of her for the longest time. It happened whenever she cried for him. "How stupid can I be? I...I can't believe I'd let him go. I let him slip through my goddamn fingers, yes, I did. It hurts now. It's my fault—No. It's not. I had reason...oh screw the reason." She started sobbing again. "This just hurts, and now I have nothing. My friends hate me. He hates me. The band hates me..." Her tears burned, her stomach was tight and her throat was sore from crying and yelling.

So I'll check the weather, wherever you are

'Cause I want to know if you can see the stars tonight.

It may be my only right.

Summer ached. She gasped for breath and she slowly sat back up. Suddenly, someone honked behind her. She jumped, but looked back and motioned for them to go in front of her. As they pulled up alongside her, she tried to block her face and sat with her legs up in front of her chest. Abruptly, the car stopped and rolled down the window. Summer felt her stomach fall halfway to the ground.

Katie.

Katie called out to her. "Summer? Jeez, what the hell are you doing, parked in the middle...of...the road..." Katie's sentence left unfinished as she realized Summer had been crying. The song was still playing in the background.

We share the sadness

(2 wrongs make it all alright tonight)

Split screen sadness

(2 wrongs make it all alright tonight)

Katie slowly pulled over to the side of the road and got out of her car. She climbed in to the passenger side of Summer's convertible.

"Summer...Are you crying?"

Summer didn't answer; she was focused intently on the ground. Katie couldn't see her like this. How did this floor mat ever get so dirty? She distracted herself.

"Summer, Is it about..." Katie trailed off again. "You found out...that he's...leaving...?"

Summer seemed to be staring right through the floor of the car and down to the ground. She sniffed a bit. Suddenly yet awkwardly, an idea that Katie would've thought crazy came to her. Katie Brown, Summer Hathaway's ex-best friend, pulled Summer into a very tight hug.

We share the sadness

(2 wrongs make it all alright tonight)

Split screen sadness

Summer was taken aback, but she felt something moving inside her. Like the foundation she had spend months accepting and keeping up was cracking and falling from beneath her. Katie hated Summer. Summer hated Katie. It had been that way all this year. Why was it changing? Yet, at the same time, the fear and resentment she had for Katie melted away. They were friends once, and underneath everything, the fights, the stolen crushes and the tears shed, the ties were still not quite severed. Summer hugged Katie back and cried into her shoulder.

"Summer..." she soothed, and pulled away. "Just call him. Talk to him. You need that."

Summer stared at her, her face red and blotchy from crying so much in one night. Her brain suddenly ceased to function for that moment. Call...him? No...That's too easy. There was something keeping her from doing that. Something...

"I can't Katie." She managed to say, and blinked strangely 3 or 4 times.

Katie looked at her and pulled out her cell phone. "Summer...you still love him. His new number is on my phone. Just...call him. Tell him that."

Summer shook her head furiously. "No Katie. He doesn't want to hear from me. I haven't spoken to him in 3 months and 5 days."

Katie raised an eyebrow. "You're keeping track."

Summer sighed and looked up at the stars. The stars...were they the same stars he was seeing, wherever he was now?

Katie pushed her phone into Summer's hand. She came close to Summer and whispered in her ear, "He still loves you too Summer. He's just too stubborn to admit it on his own."

And with that, Katie Brown, once friend, once enemy of Summer Hathaway smiled at Summer, and left the car.

I called because I just need to feel you on the line.

Don't hang up this time.

Summer listened intently to the song. It was telling her the same thing Katie just had. Her heart was racing, her face was flushed and she knew it was crazy.

But she could try, couldn't she?

He was gone now anyway. What harm could it really do?

She looked at the cell phone in her hand. She looked at the contacts list. "Home phone or cell phone?" she asked herself, and then decided on cell phone, for he might even be on the road right now. She sighed at the thought. "He's really leaving," she told herself.

Hesitantly, she dialed the number. Her fingers moved over the first six buttons like lightening...but her finger stopped and hovered over the seventh. Eyes wide and wild, blood pounding in her ears, she closed her eyes tight and pushed the button.

She raised it slowly but surely to her ear. "3 months, down the drain," she whispered to herself and waited.

On the third ring, a voice. "Hello?"

Summer's eyes widened, and she felt time stand still. Stuck like a deer in headlights, she couldn't make her mouth move and her voice speak.

Again, he spoke. "Hello, is anyone there?"

Summer cleared her throat, and slowly talked into the phone, his name, confirming it was he, knowing that the one who she loved and missed was on the other line, waiting for her to speak.

"Freddy?"

And, I know it was me who called it over

But,

I still wish you'd fought me till your dying day.

Freddy's tone of voice changed immensely. "Summer?! What...why...how did you get my new number?"

Summer didn't answer the question, her voice still meek and timid. "Freddy...where are you?"

"I'm on the road Summer. Why the hell did you call me anyways?"

"I just...had to...say..."

"Whatever Summer. I have to go."

Don't let me get away.

"No!" She cried out, and once the word was spoken, Freddy's voice softened.

"Summer. What is it?"

Summer stopped and looked up at the sky before she spoke. The same sky Freddy might be looking at, wherever he might be. She remembered what she called to tell him, but her mouth didn't speak the words. The only thing she could think was that Freddy couldn't go. He just couldn't. She had to tell him that.

"Freddy...Don't leave," she slowly whispered into the phone, barely audible.

Freddy sighed. "Summer, I'm going. Away. And you want to know something?" He paused for a moment before continuing. "You're really the reason why."

'Cause I can't wait to figure out what's wrong with me

So I can say, 'This is the way that I used to be.'

"I'm different Freddy," she whispered again. Her voice couldn't strengthen and she was dizzy. "I'm not who I was. When I...when we..." She never finished.

The silence almost became unbearable.

There's no substitute for time...

Finally, Freddy spoke, and in his voice, Summer caught the notes of immense pain that she constantly heard in her own when speaking of Freddy.

"Summer...why did you leave me?"

Summer nearly started crying again right then and there. Should she tell him? Could she tell him? As she drew breath in, she knew it was only fair.

"I had...reason. Stupid...really stupid reason...that...makes no sense now. I can't begin to explain Freddy. I don't know. But the one thing I do know is that..." her voice got quieter, though it seemed to be as barely perceptible as it could possibly be already, and she spoke the words that twisted and turned and rot in her heart. "I love you."

As she spoke what she knew--in relief--was the truth, a single, solitary tear rolled down her cheek. It landed on her leg, and she wiped it away hastily, and then wiped her cheek, destroying its path and forever erasing it from being there.

Or for the sadness.

Split screen sadness.

(2 wrongs make it all alright tonight)

Freddy didn't speak. Summer didn't speak. Her breath became shallow and labored as she waited for an answer. She was submerged in her own fear, her own grief and her own safety when Freddy finally spoke, softly, and quietly, remotely like Summer just had.

"I love you too Summer. But..."

Summer's heart leapt, and then fell. But. She knew what was coming, and didn't want to hear him speak the words, so she said it for him.

Split screen sadness

(2 wrongs make it all alright tonight)

"But...but I broke up with you. But...I didn't trust you. But...it's just wrong, it can't work and I'm stupid for calling you in the first place. I'm stupid to think I could ever have back what we had Freddy. I know now, that you can't remake what's special to a person. Once it's gone, it's gone, and I have to be able to—"her voice cracked in the middle of this sentence. She took a breath and then finished, "I have to be able to accept that. I'm sorry for bothering you. Good-bye."

We share the sadness

(2 wrongs make it all alright tonight)

She was about to hang up when Freddy said haltingly, "Wait!"

Summer drew in breath, and she told herself not to get her hopes up.

"Summer...I was going to say...But I'm on the road. I'm on the road because I wanted to leave you, and the band, and the godforsaken place I'd grown up in and learned to hate. I'm on the road because just looking at you, hearing of you, knowing of you, pains me. Yes. It brings me pain just to think of you Summer. You broke up with me, you took what we had and ended it with no explanation. I loved you, and I still love you, Summer. I can...I can try to...to...forget that...and...be with you...but I have to know Summer...why did you want to hurt me like that?"

Split screen sadness

(2 wrongs make it all alright tonight)

Summer gasped and bit her lip to stop from crying, but as she tried to tell him why, she broke down anyway. She spoke, and tears fell from her eyes, for her, for him, and for everything she destroyed. "I'm sorry Freddy! I'm so sorry!" She sobbed to him, confessing what was in her the whole time. "I loved you, you know I did and you know I still do, but, there was just so many things...I'm such an idiot, I'm sorry! The things weren't important, how I felt was what was important, and you, how you felt, that was important. But I threw it aside to be perfect little Summer, and I regret it so much Freddy! I regret ever hurting you and making you feel the pain I feel now, when I remember that I can't touch you, or kiss you, or hold you. I'm sorry Freddy. I let things get in the way before...stupid things. My parents. The band. Zack. Katie." She slowed down for a second. Was that really all her reason? Her parents didn't like Freddy. They were proud she broke up with him. They thought she'd been too serious. Too in-love. What an absurd thought. Dewey always said inter-band relationships could never work and would ruin the band during and after. Dewey was right. Band practice became hell. Zack was devastated about their relationship. Even Summer knew Zack had a crush on her. And then there was Katie, who had a crush on Freddy too, and grew to loathe and envy Summer for having what she wanted. Summer just found all the bad reasons and decided it wouldn't--couldn't work. But she ignored one thing, one thing that led to her destruction and downfall. Her love for him. "But now...I know that I love you Freddy, and when I found out you were leaving tonight, from Zack...I broke down. I still need you. I...I want to ask you to stay. To come back."

Oh and the sadness,

It's so right, it's so right.

She waited.

Oh and the sadness,

It's so right, it's so right.

Still silence. She heard his breathing and she was frightened he would get mad at her. She hurt him; she caused it, why should she ask for it back? With regret and immense hurt, she closed her eyes and let her wanting sink in around her. She wanted him back, but she didn't want him to hurt either.

Oh and the sadness,

It's so right, it's so right.

"Okay." Freddy slowly whispered. "Where are you?"

Oh and the sadness,

It's so right, it's so right.

Summer inhaled quickly, almost choking on air. "You mean...you'll come back?" She whispered, daring to utter the words.

Oh and the sadness,

It's so right

"Yeah Summer. I'll come back. For you."

...It's so right.

A/N: So. Yes. Different, in the 'ships and stuff and I think a bit in the writing style, but the same as with the lovey-dovey mush I just can't get enough of. He he. Um, yes, so, please review...tell me what you think...all that good stuff. Later.

–The Chinskinator