Title: Empty Inside 1/1
Warning for mild language
Characters: Davis and Cruz
Summary: Cruz deals with some inner turmoil while encountering Davis at a bar.
Disclaimer: They are not mine
AN1: I had no clue how to end this so don't mind if it suddenly just STOPS outta like nowhere
AN2: Cruz perspective fic I guess.
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She had never been much of a drinker.
Alcohol was not something she would turn to when she was feeling like shit.
She would not turn to anything really, but herself.
That was the one thing that she could always count on.
She did not trust anyone but herself.
She kept everything in, her emotions, good or bad, they were all buried.
Sometimes she thought she had climbed so far into herself, she would never make her way back out.
She hid behind an image. A mask that concealed her inner torment.
A soul so broken, so beaten, every time she looked into the mirror, she saw the nothingness her life had become.
It was unusual to find her at a bar. But tonight was an exception. She was curious as to why so many haunted souls traveled to this place, three, four, maybe even every day of the week. Did they get better? Did their problems just cease to exist? As she walked into the shady place, she hoped that maybe for a little while she could forget.
Forget the emptiness. The loneliness. The fact that she had absolutely no one in her life that she could lean on. For so long she had pushed people away. Keeping everyone at arm's length. Never gave anyone a real chance. Never even gave herself a chance. She knew she was tainted. Jaded. What good could she do anyone that got close?
She was beyond help. Beyond worth giving a damn about. Not that there was anyone left who would be willing. Maybe Santiago. But his attraction to her she figured was purely physical. His words said he cared for her, the person she was, but his eyes told a different story. She would let him in, but she feared she had nothing left to give of herself.
This sickness was eating away at her body. Even if she chose to let someone in now. It was too late. She would only cause more pain than she had already inflicted on those around her. At work, a place where she could find some sort of stalemate, surrounded by so many of her co-workers, even there she felt alone. Shunned from the rest. Maybe a few other than Santiago accepted her, Sully, Davis, probably even Yokas too. But the heavy burden of her previous misdeeds still laid above them all, a weight that seemed like it would never lift.
Her eyes found his sullen demeanor sitting at the end of the bar. She knew he had not been doing well over the past couple of weeks and for some reason a part of her wanted to walk up to him and wrap him in her arms. She saw in him a reflection of loneliness she thought only she lay burden with. As she watched him it looked as if he were trying to drown himself in his beer. He was probably here for the same reason she was. Because he just could not handle the confining walls of his apartment. There is nothing more reminding of being alone that sitting in a dark empty apartment.
She took a seat opposite him, finally noticing the surrounding pairs of eyes giving her a once over. She did not mean to dress so revealing. Hell, maybe she did. She threw on a white halter top with fitted blue jeans. Casual yet sexy. And apparently, many drunken dogs took notice. She thought at first that's what she had wanted. She wanted to be pined after. She did not want to be alone anymore. She wanted to be irresistible, but now, knowing they were looking at her with only one thought in mind. It made her sick. It made her want to pull out her gun and shoot the bastards for thinking of nothing but sex.
Sex. She could not imagine the possibility anymore. She never let a man touch her since the undercover op. And when they did, even in a friendly gesture, she shied away. It made her uncomfortable. It made her remember all over what that son of a bitch did to her. She hated being so insecure. She hated feeling so vulnerable, but it was futile to change the fact that she was numb. He had killed that last part of her that still gave a damn. She has been dying. Little by little from that day. Walking as if like a shadow behind the shell of the woman she once was.
But now, it was not her vulnerability eating away at her. It was actually something alien. Something her body was not equipt to handle. To fight. And she knew there was no fight left in her anyway. She had pushed her limits her entire life. She was just tired of it. Tired of trying to be someone she could never be. Someone who was not alone.
She knew the moment the bile in the back of her throat could no longer hold, that coming here was a mistake. She felt their eyes on her when she walked to the bathroom. She knew she should have walked the opposite direction and out of the bar, but her body took her to the back corner where the bathrooms were.
She nearly made it to the door but a hooded figure blocked her way. She looked up into the eyes of the man in front of her. Disgusted by the heat reflected in his eyes. The desire, the longing. She felt her insides turn as he grabbed her roughly by the shoulders and pushed her into the bathroom. He dragged her to the far wall, throwing her against it harshly as she fought back with everything she had.
Truth was she had nothing left. He overpowered her easily and she shut her eyes as she felt his hands make it's way down the sides of her body. She could feel his breath hot against her face as a single tear slipped from her eye. Not again. How can life be so cruel? She smiled through her tears though this time. This time this bastard would get what she had. This time he would be eaten away at by the same thing that was killing her. Before the son of a bitch could move his hands under her shirt, he was suddenly pulled back.
His body no longer crushed hers. It took a few seconds for her to finally open her eyes and what she saw left her breathless. Ty Davis stood over the hooded man, bleeding and beaten on the ground. A rage in his eyes she had never seen before. But when he turned to her, their eyes meeting for what seemed like the first time since they met. His features instantly softened, and he spoke in the most gentle voice she had ever heard before.
"You okay?"
She nodded, unable to say anything as he reached out to her. She stared at his hand for a long moment, unsure what to do. This was uncharted waters. No one had come to her defense quite the way he just had. Not even Bosco. After letting out a much needed breath, she slowly slipped her fingers through his. He held onto her firmly as they walked through the place. She was stupid to want to be there in the first place and she was more than relieved she was now leaving.
When they got outside, he instantly let her go. Her hand falling at her side once again. She tried to look at his face, but she noticed he was closing down again. And for some reason she did not want him to.
"Ty," she spoke softly, "thank you."
His nod was somewhat nonchalant as he glanced briefly at her, "yeah, don't mention it." With that he started to walk away into the cold dark night but her hand on his forearm stopped his hasty retreat.
When he looked at her again, it was then that she finally saw his bloodshot eyes and the slight bags under them. Something happened, she realized. Something bad, that brought him to this bar in the first place. He wanted to forget like she did. And in that, they were connected. Never before had she felt sympathy quite the way she did then and there because at that moment, she felt the same exact way he did.
Alone.
Lost.
Empty Inside.
"You wanna talk about it?" She asked. Her question bringing a stunned expression to his face for a brief second.
He shrugged, "talk bout what?"
She looked down, not knowing what to say as she slipped her hands into the pockets of her jeans. She should have remembered to grab a jacket before she left her apartment. Goose bumps spread across the surface of her skin. The night air was colder than she expected. He saw a shiver run through her body and his natural instincts to comfort kicked in. He pulled off his jacket and in one quick motion wrapped it around her.
"Uh...thanks..."
"No problem." He gazed down at her, "you sure you alright?"
"Yeah—I'm good."
He let a smirk briefly touch his lips before his eyes grew distant again. He walked aimlessly to the edge of the sidewalk, slowly lowering himself to the ground, sitting hunched over with his head in his hands. She wrapped his jacket tightly around her, taking in the scent of alcohol mixed with the cologne he uses. As she looked down at the broken man now at her feet, she felt a strong sense of sadness touch her heart.
After a moment, she noticed the trembling of his body. She once again hesitated but then found herself sitting right next to him on the curb. She touched his shoulder gently. She remained silent, not knowing the right words to say.
"The baby's gone—," he spoke in a hushed tone.
"Wha—," she was confused at his words.
"Sasha—she was—we were pregnant..." he sniffed softly, "she killed our baby—how is that fair? Tell me, Cruz—why'd she do it?" He wiped quickly at his tears as she offered no answer, just comfort the best she knew how.
They were both going through something. A change was happening in both of them.
She could tell he never meant to shed those tears.
She knew how sometimes the burden was just too much.
There was no other option to do but cry.
Let the pain out. Find a release.
As she moved her hand to gently soothe his back, his eyes found hers once again.
Maybe for so long her life had been shit.
For so long she had to carry a heavy burden all by herself.
But as she looked into his eyes, she knew he needed a shred of hope too.
And in each other's eyes, they finally found it.