After Michael finds Connie collapsed in her office after taking an overdose of Morphine and various other hospital drugs, he sits beside her bed and thinks of everything he has done, and how he has broken the only woman he has ever really loved.
Make it a sweet, sweet goodbye -
It could be for the last time and it's not right.
"Don't let yourself get in over your head," he said.
Alone and far from home we'll find you...
Dead - Like a candle you burned out;
Spill the wax over the spaces left in place of angry words.
Scream - To be heard, like you needed any more attention;
Throw the bottle, break the door, and disappear.
Sing me to sleep; I'll see you in my dreams,
Waiting to say, "I miss you. I'm so sorry."
Forever's never seemed so long as when you're not around
It's like a piece of me is missing.
I could have learned so much from you but what's left now?
Don't you realize you shot this family a world of pain?
Can't you see there should have been a happy ending we let go?
Sing me to sleep; I'll see you in my dreams,
Waiting to say, "I miss you. I'm so sorry."
Sing me to sleep.
Sing me to sleep.
Sing me to sleep.
Sing me to s...
Sing me to sleep (You've taken so much with you...)
I'll see you in my dreams, (But left the worst with me...),
Waiting to say, "I miss you. I'm so sorry."
I'm sorry, I'm sorry.
It's not every day you walk into your wife's office to apologise, bring her a bunch of flowers, to take her home and prove with all your worth how much you love her, and find the love of your life passed out on the floor with pill bottles surrounding her pretty little body. It's not every day you scream for help and sob as the nurse you shagged on a whim picks up the limp body of your wife and places her onto a trolley, shouting orders to fellow medical staff, before looking back at you with pity in her eyes, wondering how you got yourself mixed up with such a messed up woman. My Connie isn't messed up though. She's just broken. I have broken her so much that she can't take the pain anymore. I have practically killed her, committed manslaughter without even realising. I feel sick as I stand and watch them hook my baby up to monitors and insert tubes into places tubes shouldn't even need to go near. I stand there helplessly at the foot of the bed as her friends and colleagues fight to save her life, fight to keep her fighting. I can feel my own heart breaking seeing her hurt so much. In my hands I hold her diary, the diary that had been left open on her desk when I found her. Opened on two pages, her scrawl smudged by tears on the pages. I stand at the end of the bed and slowly begin to read through her words, her words of pain. Her cry for help, she pleads with me. Her words hitting me like bricks, making me feel sick. What have I done to her?
As I read, tears fall onto the already smudged page, mixing in with her own salty tears. I feel a hand on my shoulder. I remember when Connie used to wrap her arms around me when I had a hard day at work, and whisper me sweet nothings till I felt better. I closed my eyes for a second and savoured the memory. When I opened my eyes though, I felt the bile rise in my throat. Chrissie was stood beside me, her eyes full of pity, and her head resting on my shoulder.
"Always likes to be the centre of attention doesn't she?" She smirked. I could feel my anger. How dare this whore talk about my wife in such a way? My wife, the woman I had seen pull through some of the hardest times anyone could go through. I pushed this heartless woman away from me, her face falling slightly.
"Don't you dare ever talk about my wife like that? You know what Chrissie, we have done this to her. We have broken her so much, and you know what, when she wakes up, I want you gone from this hospital" I hissed as I pushed past her to my wife's side. I watched as Chrissie stood in the middle of the ward unsure, but slowly turned away making her way towards the locker room. I turned to my beautiful wife and wrapped my hand around her small delicate one. Gripping on so tightly as though it would make her wake up. My other hand moved the stray curls from her face whilst my lips placed a gentle kiss on her forehead. I couldn't lose her. She is my everything.
"Michael?" A voice called nervously. I looked up to find that god awful man from obs and gynie stood at the foot of the bed. He held a piece of paper in his hand as he shuffled nervously from foot to foot.
"She's pregnant" My heart dropped. My baby girl, my baby girl had thought I would go mad, that I would hate her. I could never hate her; I could never hate her or my child. I nodded curtly at the man in front of me and shuffled onto the bed beside my beautiful woman. I pulled her body close to mine and cradled her as the machines worked their magic and kept her alive.
Doctors and nurses strolled past, knowing it was against the rules to sit on a patient's bed, but they didn't dare disturb me as I sat allowing my tears to fall. My heart had officially broken, and the worst thing is, it's my entire fault. My hand reached down to her slightly swollen abdomen, stroking the skin gently.
"I am so sorry Baby" I whispered hoarsely, my throat closing up with tears. If she dies, I would never be able to live with myself. The fact that I did this to her. Missed her cries for help because I was too busy getting my leg over the local bike. Why Michael? Why? Throw away a diamond for a rock?
"Michael?" A small voice called. I looked up from where my head had been buried in her curls. Connie had opened her eyes and was looking up at me worriedly.
"Oh Baby Girl, why did you do this? I love you and Baby so much, I couldn't possibly hate you ever" I sobbed as she sat up and allowed me to cradle her some more.
"I'm sorry" She whispered sadly fingering with my tie as she looked down unable to meet me in the eye.
"You have nothing to be sorry for. It's me that should be sorry, for everything. It's all going to change, you and me. Chrissie's gone; you are my world now, you and baby. And you Con, are going to be the best Mum in the world" I kissed her lips gently not wanting to hurt her. She kissed me back, and when I opened my eyes to look at her she had a content look on her face.
"To a new start then" She smiled brightly as a nurse came to take her observations.
"To our new life, the Beauchamp's" I laughed placing an arm around her shoulder.
Xxxxxxx
Hours later Connie was curled up in my arms. I asked the nurse passing to pass me her diary and a pen. Once they were in my grasp I placed the book in the hand that was free and used my other hand, wrapped around Connie to write with. I knew I had so many promises to make, but with words she could never believe them. They had to be written down as a contract type thing.
To My Beautiful Wife Connie,
I know the last few months have been hard for you, and that you have stayed so strong through it all, and I know that something had to give eventually, and you're cry for help has been the wakeup call I needed. Watching you fight for your life had to have been one of the worst moments in my entire life, and moments I will never be able to shake off.
In those few hours where I wondered if I would ever see your beautiful smile, or hear your cheeky laugh, I knew I needed you. I knew I could not live without you my dear. I have acted like an arse recently, and I should have seen what my behaviour was doing to you. You are my Baby Girl, and you always will be. No one has ever meant as much to me as you do. If I could turn back the clock I would, but its impossible, but earlier we made a promise. A new start, a new us. To that I shall stick to. I will be the best husband and best Father you can ever ask for Baby. I will never see you go without again. I will never see you cry and ignore you.
I'm going to cut down my hours at the hospital, and we are going to spend more time together. When you get home from work I shall have made you tea, whatever you want. I will pick you up from work; leave flowers on your desk. Scatter notes around the hospital for you to find, go to Tesco's at three o'clock in the morning because you have a craving.
Right now Con, you are my world, and I know I will do anything for you if it makes you happy. I want us to go back to how we were when we first met, not caring about the hospital politics, taking stupidly long lunch breaks so that I could whisk you off to a Michelin star restaurant and watch the delight on your face as I passed you a dazzling bracelet, necklace or earrings. I remember that one time when we celebrated you getting your first consultants post. Remember Con? I took you to your favourite restaurant and brought you the most expensive bottle of champagne, and we chugged it back, not caring that we were both due back at work. You had such a bright smile that day, and I knew that it was always going to be you and me against the world. We didn't go back to work did we? Instead we went back to our old house, with the creaky stairs and the dodgy toilet and made sweet love like we were best at.
My favourite memory though is the day I met you, when you were a young SHO, you haven't changed Con. You breezed onto my ward at the old Peckham general, complaining about the parking, and how one of the nurses had spilt a saline drip onto your Vera Wang shoes. You were wearing a black pencil skirt and a pale blue blouse, your hair falling in soft curls down to your shoulders. Your first words to me 'You the head honcho then, or am I really that irresistible'. You had caught me staring at you, and from that moment the chemistry was visible. That first day of meeting you and I had managed to get you to go out for dinner with me, and the rest as they say is history.
Don't you ever forget how much I love you, and how much I will fight for you from now on. You have nothing to worry about, let me do the worrying for us. We will get through this my darling, that is my promise.
I love you with all my heart my darling,
Michael X