A/N: 2X3 club dues for August!
Warnings: Sex, angst, language
Pairings: 2x3… and another pairing… mention of 3x4 and 1x2
Again and Again
"We broke up."
Trowa wasn't sure who Duo was reminding - himself or Trowa.
"I know," he said in case Duo wasn't talking to himself.
"We agreed this doesn't work. We don't work. We never have. We never will."
"That's what you said."
"No. Don't fucking play this game with me. That's what we said."
"No," Trowa had to argue. "You said we don't work and we never will. I said we don't need to work to fuck each other."
Duo rolled his eyes and shook his head.
"No one's arguing about fucking - it's the one thing we did well."
"I remember. I was there."
Duo's lips twitched, amused despite himself, but his glare was steady.
"You left me. To be with Quatre."
Trowa winced. It hadn't been his best decision ever.
"You left me. To be with Heero."
Duo sighed. It hadn't been his best decision ever, he had admitted when, two months later, Trowa opened his apartment door and found Duo with a scowl and a duffel bag.
"Not last time. Last time we agreed. We're done."
"I'm not arguing that point."
Duo made a sweeping gesture with his right arm.
"Yet here you are, on my doorstep at two a.m."
They glared at each other, silent, assessing.
How often had they done this? Over the last six years, Trowa had lost count of the number of times they had gotten together and then broken up. It was what they did - Wufei liked to say that it was a condition of their relationship, that Duo and Trowa had no concept of stability and commitment and that the only thing they could agree to commit to was being miserable.
"I heard you were going to Mars."
Duo swallowed, his Adam's apple bobbing. He crossed his arms over his chest.
"Yeah. Shuttle leaves dirtside tomorrow night."
"I know."
Duo arched an eyebrow.
"You came to talk me out of it?"
"No."
That seemed to stun Duo, seemed to momentarily knock the breath out of him.
"Don't tell me you want to go with me?"
"No." Trowa could think of no nightmare like nine months on a cargo shuttle and years on that barren red rock.
Duo's eyes widened in understanding.
"You came to say goodbye."
Trowa nodded.
"Never know when I'll see you again. Maybe never."
"There's a lot of time between now and never," Duo said, and there was a strange catch in his voice.
"Not as much time as we'd like," Trowa pointed out and Duo nodded in agreement.
He stepped aside and allowed Trowa into the apartment.
Duo hadn't changed much in the three months since Trowa had last been in residence. He'd finally gotten rid of the damn coffee table that Trowa always ran into in the middle of the night.
Figured. Now that he was here for the last time that safety hazard was finally gone.
Trowa wondered if he should say something else. He'd never really needed words with Duo - in reality words with Duo had only ever seemed to complicate things, and when things got complicated between them they tended to end. Badly.
Duo closed the door and regarded Trowa with a hesitant expression.
"I heard you've been shacking up with Wufei."
Trowa nodded. Definitely not the right time for words.
"He know that you're here right now?"
"Yes. He knows."
Duo scowled.
"He doesn't mind?"
Trowa shrugged.
He was sure Wufei minded - was sure that this night would be used against him in their arguments for months if not years to come. But Wufei understood why he needed to do this.
From the look in Duo's eyes it was clear that he understood just how much Wufei meant to him.
"Well fuck me. You've finally fallen in love."
Trowa wanted to make a quip about him being here to fuck Duo, but he stopped himself.
Duo sighed.
"Hell. It was bound to happen sooner or later. You… he… I'm sure he calls you on your shit."
Trowa nodded. Of course Wufei called him on his shit. He always had.
"Good. Because your head spends way too much time up your own ass."
"Duo."
He held up a hand to stop Trowa's words.
"Nah. Don't. You didn't come here to talk anyway."
That was true.
Duo sighed.
"Just… ah… I need to ask you a favor first."
Most people who heard that from a man they had known and loved for almost a decade would likely say anything. Trowa said nothing.
"I gotta get rid of my hair. Ship regs - hell, colony regs too as it turns out. The site manager is crazy addicted to regs and water preservation."
"I'm not going to cut your hair."
Duo glared at him.
"Do not make me beg you," he growled.
Trowa took a moment to think, to realize that Duo couldn't do it. It was on the tip of his tongue to suggest that Duo go to a barber, but he knew Duo trusted someone with a sharp blade at the back of his neck as much as Trowa did.
He flexed his fingers.
"After."
"No. Before."
Trowa didn't want to fuck Duo without his hair. He didn't want to hold his body and not have to blow loose strands out of his face. He didn't want to run his fingers through short hair.
He held out his hand and Duo walked into the kitchen and brought back a pair of scissors.
Trowa ran the pad of his thumb over the blades. They were dull. It would be a hack job. Probably that's what Duo wanted anyway.
"I'll shave it myself, after it's shorter," Duo muttered and turned around, presenting his ass and his braid.
Trowa picked up the long braid of hair and marveled at the weight of it. All the things in his life that Duo had been through. All of the times he should have cut this damn thing off and tonight was the night he wanted to do it.
"You knew I'd come," he realized.
"I hoped you would," Duo admitted, his voice raw and Trowa imagined he had his eyes clenched tight.
Trowa turned him around, wrapped his arms around Duo and pulled him close and kissed him.
Duo kissed him back, his mouth open and his tongue forceful and his teeth sharp on Trowa's bottom lip and then it was done.
Duo jerked back and felt the nape of this neck, the spot where his braid had been.
Trowa dropped it to the coffee table, the dead weight of it reminding him of the time he had found a severed arm on the battlefield, had picked it up when he thought he was pulling a comrade from the rubble.
Duo took away the scissors, tossed them onto the hair, and started to strip Trowa.
Sometimes they were playful. Sometimes they did it slowly, teasing each other and fighting for control. Sometimes they were so rushed, so fueled with anger and lust that they left bruises.
Tonight it was methodical, practiced and perfunctory. This wasn't hook up sex or break up sex. It wasn't angry sex or celebratory sex.
It was goodbye sex. The last time Trowa would ever fuck Duo, whether or not he died in space or came back.
Trowa had never said goodbye to someone before. Had never known the future would pull them apart so completely, yet leave them intact, separate and alone and forever connected.
Duo let him stay the night, let him spoon against his back in the bed even though he had never liked it, had never wanted to wake up feeling the weight of Trowa's arms or legs because his nightmares reminded him of too many times when people reached for him and he couldn't fight them off.
But neither of them slept that night.
They didn't speak again in the bed, but when sunlight filtered in through the window they fucked again, but it wasn't goodbye this time. That had been before.
This was that stolen moment - the way things should have always been with them.
Duo looked him in the eyes when Trowa entered him, his lips parted and his breath harsh and his strong fingers gripped his hips tightly.
"I loved you first," Trowa admitted then.
"I know," Duo said and then he closed his eyes as he came and the moment was over, lost forever.
As Trowa dressed Duo watched him from the bed.
"Tell Wufei… hi. I guess."
Trowa snorted a laugh.
"I don't think you'll be a safe topic of conversation between us ever," he muttered.
"I'm not a safe topic of conversation with anyone," Duo reminded him.
Not with Quatre, who still winced whenever Duo's name was mentioned because he thought he had stolen Trowa away from him.
Not with Heero, who still glared at Trowa whenever Duo's name was mentioned because he thought Trowa had stolen Duo back.
Not with Relena, who still sighed whenever Duo's name was mentioned because she thought Heero had never gotten over him.
Not with Hilde, who still teared up whenever Duo's name was mentioned because she thought she would have made him happier than Trowa ever could.
Not with Une, who still muttered curses whenever Duo's name was mentioned because she thought he had purposely sabotaged his career with the Preventers because he was an anarchist at heart.
Not with Zechs, who still blushed whenever Duo's name was mentioned because he thought the one night the three of them had spent together was the best sex of his life and he knew Duo and Trowa had only done it the one time for fun.
Not with Trowa, who still felt his breath catch whenever Duo's name was mentioned because he thought he would never feel for anyone else what he felt for Duo.
"Are you piloting the shuttle?"
Duo shook his head in the negative.
"Nah. Some company rep. I'm just a passenger."
"If he doesn't know what he's doing -"
"I'll stage a mutiny and pilot the damn thing myself. Don't worry your pretty head. Duo Maxwell isn't going to die like that."
Trowa ran his fingers through Duo's short hair and Duo caught his hand, turning it and pulling it to his mouth and pressing a kiss to his open palm.
"Next time we do this maybe you'll let me cut your hair," Duo muttered.
Trowa snorted a laugh.
"As if I would ever trust you with something sharp near my face."
They stared at each other for a long moment and then Duo released his hand.
"Call me if someone resurrects the Gundams or Operation Meteor again. I'll be late to the party, but only fashionably late."
Trowa nodded.
How the fuck did people say goodbye?
"Just walk out of the door Trowa. Just like you always do. It's the same thing. Again and again."
It was the first time Duo had ever lied to him.
They both knew it wasn't the same thing.
"Again and again," he repeated and then he left.