i did it! i created a pairing! so i've had a bunch of oneshot ideas for Lemongrab and Susan Strong, but then; i decided to just take them all and make an official story out of their adventures!
Alone
He wasn't aware of when the feeling began, only that one day while walking the ramparts of Castle Lemongrab his heart began to hurt, and that it was unacceptable. It wasn't painful in any physical way; no, it was a feeling of loneliness that began to fill him up from the inside.
At first he tried to ignore the feeling, screaming usually took his mind off of it in the beginning until it got to the point his throat was raw from screaming almost 24/7. his mind told him to fill the feeling with something, so he tried food, chocolate ice cream worked the best, or did until the banana guards caught him raiding the Princess's private fridge and tossed him out.
After failing to find anything to eat that would fill the void inside his lemonself, Lemongrab moved on to swordsmanship. It wasn't an uncommon sight for his subjects to see their Earl training in the yard with his sound sword hacking away at straw men. Eventually, Lemongrab decided that there was only one option.
"I'm not giving you any of my ice cream," Princess Bubblegum said sternly. From on her throne she looked down at her heir and crossed her arms. "Now beat it, I've got more important things to attend to."
when she was almost to the door beside her throne, she froze when Lemongrab spoke.
"I want to fill the loneliness in me," he said. When she turned back he was looking down at his boots. "Despite all my attempts to kill this feeling, and despite the….. attitude of my subjects nothing helps. What do I do, mother princess?"
Princess Bubblegum looked at the simpering lemon and felt her heart ache slightly for her creation. This creature she'd given life and threw away, and despite all her attempts to help him, every plan backfired on her. But; he was her son, creepy as that was.
"You need someone to love you," she said.
Lemongrab looked up suddenly in shock.
"What? What do you mean?" he asked.
"I mean, you need a spouse, Lemongrab," she said. Coming down to him, she tenderly took his hand in both of hers. "You need to find the person you were meant to be with. The person who will love and care for you just as much as you do- HEY!"
Lemongrab was sent to the floor by a hard punch from the princess as he puckered up and leaned in for a kiss.
"OW! My lemon cheek!" he wailed, holding his already swelling face.
"I didn't mean me, you dumbass!" she said, as a pair of banana guard each grabbed one of the earl's arms and dragged him out of the room.
While riding back to Castle Lemongrab the earl thought about what the princess had told him. How was he to find this so-called spouse, where was its lair located, and how was he to get it back to his castle. Fortunately, or unfortunately depending on how you feel about it. His questions were soon to be answered as he topped the hill to see a familiar blue robed figure running across the grasslands, a tied up and gagged Wildberry Princess tucked under his arm.
"What are you doing Ice King?" he called. The wizard stopped and looked in his direction, and smiled broadly before running over.
"Hey Lemon bro, what's shakin' in your neck of the woods?" he asked.
"I am in need of a….. spouse," he said. "Do you know where I can find one?"
Ice King puffed out his chest and grinned again.
"You came to the right wizard, its easy to find one," he said, holding up the captive princess. "All you need to do is kidnap one, chicks dig guys that take the initiative. All you need it rope and a princess and BOOM! You got yourself a girlfriend."
Lemongrab looked down at the wizard and thought on his words, of course! That was the answer to his problems.
"Thank you, Ice King," he said, before immediately kicking the crazy wizard in the head. Wildberry Princess was sent flying up into the air as the Ice King was sent falling down to the ground. Luckily for her, a strong hand snatched her out of mid air and she found herself sitting on Lemongrab's lemoncamel. "To Castle Lemongrab! ACCEPTABLE"
'What?' thought Wildberry Princess as they rode off at a gallop. Behind them the dazed, Ice King was quickly out of sight.
"Come on Jake, we gotta catch up to Ice King," Finn said, as he and his magical dog friend quickly trotted across the vast grasslands of Ooo. "Who knows what kind of horrible stuff he's putting her through right now!"
Behind him, the last human could Jake sounding like he was ready to have a stroke from all the running. they'd been running since Wildberry Kingdom, and the miles were beginning to catch up with the two. Eventually their trot turned into tired walking, eventually they stopped to rest.
"Hey Finn, isn't that the Ice King over there?" Jake asked.
The two looked over to see the ice wizard slowly getting to his feet, and immediately tackled him and began to shake him.
"Where's Wildberry Princess?!" Finn exclaimed, punching Ice King in the nose. "Where is she?!"
"Yeah!" Jake added, kicking him in the kidneys.
"Ow ow ow- she's gone! she's gone!" he said, trying to cover up his face.
"Gone where?" Finn asked, standing up and cracking his knuckles. "Tell me or else."
"That poobrain Lemongrab took her," Ice King said. "He asked me how to get a girlfriend and I laid my wisdom on him, and how does he repay me? By kicking my cheek meat and stealing the princess I stole for myself!"
The two heroes looked at each other and nodded.
"Come on, Jake," Finn said. "We're headed for Castle Lemongrab!"
Wildberry Princess was extremely confused, first Ice King kidnapped her, and now she was being carried around Castle Lemongrab, still bound and gagged, by the Earl of Lemongrab. He carried her along the ramparts of the castle and showed her the orchard where his subjects gathered the lemons and made them into candy before planting them in the fresh tilled earth.
"As you can see our subjects work hard for their Earl, and for you, their….. you," he stammered at the end, not really sure what to call her. He turned and held her up facing out into the grasslands. "Soon all of this will be made to grow our kingdom, the Kingdom of Lemon Berry. Our offspring shall run and frolic under the watchful eye of our guards, with shock collars to keep them from growing into unacceptable brats."
after showing her the outside of Castle Lemongrab, Lemongrab brought her inside and opened a door to show her a small hole in the floor.
"Here is where you do your business," he said, as he pointed to a small pile of lemons in the corner. "There is your toilet paper."
Lemongrab was feeling very acceptable, in less than an hour of his meeting with mother princess he now had a special someone who would share in his life, and or, possibly eat if the winter got too hard.
"Yes, all very acceptable things," he said. Entering the throne room he placed her down on a wooden stool that had been placed next to his throne. "Your throne, my princess lover."
Lemongrab sat down and clapped his hands. Almost immediately, 4 lemon people ran out and began a strange show. 2 of them were spinning in place and the other 2 jumped back and forth and side to side. Beside here the Earl of Lemongrab watched in stony silence, his face was an emotionless mask.
"Lemongrab!" the door burst open suddenly with a loud bang, causing the 4 lemon people to inadvertently bump into each other and end up in a pile on the floor.
Lemongrab leaned forward as Finn and Jake stormed into the throne room.
"This is very UNACCEPTABLE-"
Lemongrab was cut off from his scream by a stretchy punch from Jake, knocking him out.
"So Lemongrab kidnapped Wildberry Princess?" Bubblegum asked, looking up from her microscope in surprise. Finn tried to ignore the tiny caterpillar she'd been poking and prodding with a toothpick.
"Yeah, kidnapped her from Ice King and took her back to Castle Lemongrab," Finn said.
Bubblegum frowned at the news. "That poobrain," she said, as she took her glasses and lab coat off. "I give him very specific instructions and what does he do? He immediately listens to Ice King."
"What DID you tell Lemongrab, Princess?" Jake asked, as he was trying stealthily to free the caterpillar without looking at it.
She sighed again. "I told him he need-" she stopped suddenly. "-oh Globdammit, I forgot to tell him what it actually takes to find a girlfriend."
"What do you mean, PB?" Finn asked.
"I told him he needed to find someone to be with him," she replied, as Peppermint Butler came in carrying a tray of tea and tarts. "I didn't specify how you do that. Apparently he's dumber than Ice King and-"
She was interrupted by Peppermint Butler coming back in. "Pardon the intrusion, Peebles, but; Hotdog Princess has been kidnapped," he said.
"Lemongrab?"
"Yup," he replied.
Hotdog Princess wasn't sure how to feel. One moment she'd been snoozing in her dog house and the next she awoke to find herself being carried through a castle by Princess Bubblegum's lemon creation. When they entered the dining hall she saw a vast array of dishes laid out.
"I went ahead and had my chefs prepare a feast for our wedding," he said, stopping every few steps to show her what each one was. "Lemons cooked in their skins, lemon shanks with juice reduction, parboiled lemon under glass, lemons Ala metronome."
All the dishes were just lemons prepared differently, the last was lemons jammed into metronomes and swinging back and forth.
Lemongrab felt something akin to joy swelling up in him, surely this banquet will win him the heart of this princess. This time he would prevail and finally be happy. No one would take that away from-
"Lemongrab! Release Hotdog Princess!" the door burst open and Lemongrab felt rage beginning to boil inside his body.
"How dare you barge into my castle for the second time today! This behavior is UNACCEPTABLE!" he shrieked. But; just as he reached for his sound sword a stretchy arm shot out from under the table, catching Lemongrab in the jaw.
Jake caught Hotdog Princess as she fell towards the ground and tossed her to Finn, before grabbing several dishes.
"Ooh! Lemons ALA metronome, fancy!" he said, swallowing them whole.
"Let's bounce, Jake!" Finn said.
Lemongrab was out of ideas, he'd did as Ice King said and captured almost every princess in Ooo, save for mother princess, and Ghost Princess. Well, he tried to kidnap her but; she just floated through the ropes and bag.
"What do I do now, Lemoncamel?" he asked his trusty mount, as they slowly meandered their way back towards Castle Lemongrab. "All of my brides have left me, they all abandoned me to my sorrow and my rage."
"Hey, why the lump haven't I been kidnapped?" Lemongrab looked over to see an ugly purple creature floating along beside him. "I'm a Globbing princess too and i-"
The purple abomination was sent soaring away by a kick from Lemongrab.
"Because you're UNACCEPTABLE!" he screeched after it.
Further on, Lemongrab topped a hill to see a large lake with crystal clear water. The sight of the sparkly fluid twinkling in the sunlight reminded him of how thirsty he was. Riding down to the edge, he dismounted and began to slurp water from his cupped hands while his Lemoncamel wandered off to eat grass.
Out of the corner of his eye he spied something lying further along the shore. Making his way over he saw that it was a large pile of furs, and some kind of cat helmet-thing. They would make a good blanket for his Lemoncamel. Looking around and seeing no one, he gathered the discarded things and began walking back to where his mount was now snoozing.
Behind him, a loud splashing filled the air.
"Where Susan's dress and kitty hat?" the object obviously belong to some kind of lake monster. Lemongrab decided the thing to do would be to kill the thing, take his new blanket, and or eat the dead monster.
He slowly drew his sound sword, and turned. "Face me mo-" his words died in his throat as his sound sword fell from his shaking hand. What he took for a lake monster was instead a very large, muscular, and curvy woman.
And she was nuuuuuuuude!
Water droplets slowly ran down the curves of her body, the water glistened in the sunlight on her perfect creamy skin. Her breast were extremely plump, with dark brown, almost black, nipples that were as long and thick as his thumbs.
Long blonde hair the color of beaten gold stretched all the way down to the back of her knees. Lemongrab felt a fire suddenly burst to life inside his belly as his pants started to become tight and uncomfortable.
It was that she looked over and noticed him. The large goddess made her way over, to Lemongrab it looked like she was taking years, when only it was a few seconds. His brain was screaming for him to drop the things he carried and quickly subdue this perfect creature and take her back to Castle Lemongrab.
"Give back Susan's things," wordlessly, Lemongrab held out the things in his hand. He was vaguely aware of the objects being taken from him, but; his mind was still reeling at the sight of this stunning female before him.
He snapped out of it when he realized his golden haired goddess was walking away. With his heart thudding in his chest, Lemongrab hurried after her and grabbed one of her hands. He was then effortlessly lifted up off the ground and found himself eye to eye with his prize.
"I have captured you, and now you will come back with me to my castle to be my bride," he said, as bullets of sweat ran down his head.
The beautiful creature raised an eyebrow in confusion.
"You no make sense," she said, before effortlessly shaking him off and continuing on her way. "bye bye."
Picking himself off the ground, Lemongrab ran after her again. Grabbing two handfuls of her dress, the Earl of Lemongrab found himself being dragged behind.
"You must come with me! I have scoured all of Ooo to find someone was perfect and beautiful to be by my side and rule in Castle Lemongrab!" he exclaimed. The only answer he received was a loud rumbling from her stomach. "If you come rule with me there will be all the food you can eat, broiled lemons, sauteed lemons in lemon sauce, barbecued lemons, lemon ribs, lemon cakes-"
The large woman stopped.
"Cake….. cake is yummy," she said. When she turned around, Lemongrab was surprised to find her enormous bust blocked the sun, and immediately felt his pants grow tight and his legs grow weak. "Ok, Susan come."
"Really?-" he asked, and instantly felt a large, yet surprisingly dainty hand, grab and lift him up onto her shoulder where he sat perched like a bizarre yellow parrot.
"Where cake?" she asked, looking up at his expectantly.
"That way," he said, pointing. His new bride took off at a fast trot. Behind, Lemongrab saw his Lemoncamel following behind at a slower pace. He smiled, he found his special someone. "ACCEPTABLE!"
END CHAPTER 1