Lights, thats all we are, when the world goes round and the darkness finds the side of the Earth you call your home, we're nothing but little lights alone. In the blackness that we call familiar, we are alone, no one is out there, and if they were, they would see half of our destroyed world in the light of our only star, making us look lonely as the only blue planet, the only one that isn't frozen to the core. It looks like it was given a few drops of color, and a splatter here and there of white. And on the other side it drifts into shadow and darkness that would hold little specks of light in the shape of our continents, the world portion getting brighter the more populated it is. Sometimes I stop to ask myself if any of the lights feel alone, but they couldn't be lonely, they all get so excited when the other lights flick on.
Or maybe they just go with the flow, knowing that they only have a select time to shine. Lights, are kind of like people, they only have a short time be be their brightest, the rest of the time they fizzle in and out of darkness, until they go out for a long time. Maybe they're like people. Some are blue, some are are green, maybe even red. Or maybe, they even change colors. But me, as a person, as a light, I used to be bright and white, but a long time ago, I was switched off. And I went out.
My name, is Beatrice Prior. Every night, I leave my house and walk up the hill, I lay in the grass that tickles my ears and licks at my bare legs. My dress is flat and silky against me, my palms turned up, my feet bare. I let my eyes open halfway as they sting from dryness. My cheeks and nose rough and rosy from crying. The tear stricken sickness that plagues the eyes and heart of every man and woman alive at least once in their life, has now made it's way to me. As the late night wind dances across the globe, it swirls and plays with my black dress. My moist cheeks, eyes, and nose are now cold. I can't help but pray for the burning in my eyes to stop, for water to come and douse away the pain. If Caleb was here, he'd tell me the remedy is a steaming hot shower or chamomile and honey tea. He and mom loved drinking tea, dad always joked that they were turning amity and getting high off of flowers. I don't know if dad will make that joke anymore.
I feel my eyes widen as the haloed moon finds it's way to illuminating the darkest night of my life. As the sky turns white and blue with all of the lonely stars in the sky, I can't help but wonder if the ball of fire in the center of our solar system ever feels alone, like it won't ever meet one of the other stars more than one hundred light years away. I remember coming here with Caleb for the first time, with him pointing out the constellations, he was always smart. Explaining and wondering with me about the world and how many stars there are. We used to make up stories about the constellations and how they were named. They are nothing but memories now.
I sit up, bending my knees slightly and letting some of the loose strands of my dirty blonde hair, fall into my view from my messy bun. I can't help but feel curious and sad looking at all the town lights, from all of the houses and their restless residents. "Beatrice!" My head whips to the left, I see my mother and father standing in the pale light of a street lamp a few meters away. My fathers face is glum and cast slightly down, my eyes follow the black suit he's wearing, it's still as crisp as it was this morning. His dark ashy hair gelled but slightly tousled. His lips are in a thin line and his five o'clock shadow clear under the lamp light. I notice that they are holding hands with laced fingers, their silver rings catching some light. He rubs the top of her slightly wrinkled hand with his thumb, a comforting gesture, it's good to know they still love eachother very much.
My mothers face holding a small sad smile, her eyes are still soft and blue but they are filled with remorse, her light brown hair pulled back into a tight bun, and her black dress still worn. She has switched back to her flats and her black leggings off. She is standing close to my father, her shoulder next to his heart. "Beatrice, it's time to go home," My mother cooes softly. I rise to my feet, wiggling my toes in the damp overgrown perfect grass.
It'll be a long time before I have the guts to come back here, Caleb and I spent so long here, laughing and playing. Sometimes he would take Susan here when we were kids, have little picnics and I taught her how to climb a tree in a skirt, Caleb would not stop blushing that day. His ears slightly red and his nose scrunched up. They were a secret thing, him and Susan, she and I were friends, I don't know if she'll ever talk to me again though. Not after today, I know he loved her though, sometimes he would rant at me in my room, asking for advice in the middle of the night. I know Susan tried to get me and her brother, Robert, together so it would be more convenient for Caleb and her to meet. He and I both agreed to just be friends, we couldn't really work, he was nice and gentle while I was a little too daring for anyones taste.
My eyes find the city one more time, scoping and scanning the moon drifting through the buildings, finding what little natural light I can in hopes that it will restore my own. And for the last time, I feel the chilled wind drift through my hair and gush around my thin arms and legs, playing at the laced hem of my black dress. It freezes my face and gives me goosebumps up my arms and legs, making the thin loose hairs from my head tickle my neck, sending cold shivers down my spine. I feel my toes curl and cross my arms, rubbing them slightly and sniffling up the cold and looking down at my pale bare feet through my eyelashes. I know my parents are waiting for their little girl, so I look up and breathe in, tapping my toes into the grass once more then reaching down for my shoes. I slip them on and look to the left at my parents who are patient and kind, selfless and more than loving to me and always Caleb.
I feel my lips part so I wet them, and make my way to my father, who has his arm outstretched to me. I look at him and see a small loving smile on his lips, I can't find it in me to smile back so I look down as he puts his arm around my small shoulders. He kisses my head, then my mothers and smiles as much as anyone could right now, saying "Lets go home."