DISCLAIMER: I don't own any of this! Nothing, nada… that is except the adorable, fantastic, marvelous *gets hit in the back of the head* ahem, narrator (me, bow down you mere mortals!) The Phantom of the Opera belongs to Gaston Leroux… yadah yadah yadah… anyway, Enjoy! Please, read and review…

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It is a normal, peaceful day at the Paris Opera. This morning, no one has died or disappeared and no disagreeable accidents have occurred (yea)! Suddenly, there is a loud explosion. From a crimson cloud of smoke emerges a young, teenage girl. She looks around her, blinking in surprise because the stupid teleporter actually worked!

Erik: (from the sinister depths below) I will not tolerate interruptions! (storms onstage) Merde, not you again!

Narrator: (waving) Hello, Erik. Are you feeling better today?

Erik: No, actually I feel… wait! That's beside the point! Why are you here now?

Narrator: I love you, remember?

Erik: (backing away) Er… right. Of course my dear. May I ask a favor?

Narrator: Sure.

Erik: Go away!

Narrator: That wasn't nice! Anyway, I can't.

Erik: Yes, you can. The door's that way. Please, don't hesitate to use it.

Narrator: I have another show for you to perform.

Erik: (reaching for his Punjab lasso) No! Absolutely not! There is no way…

Narrator: Raoul's an idiot in this one.

Erik: (suddenly interested) Please, continue.

(the managers walk onstage)

Andrè: (yelps when he sees Erik. Jumping in Firmin's arms) It's the Ghost!

Firmin: Money! Expenses! (looks at Andrè) Not here…

(by now, a crowd has gathered on the stage. Including Piangi, Carlotta, the two Giry's and Joseph Buquet)

Carlotta: What's going on?!? This is an outrage! (starts cursing in Spanish for five minutes)

Madame Giry: (ignoring her, and being the voice of reason) It appears Mademoiselle Chanteur has returned and wants us to interpret another piece of theatre for her own sick, twisted amusement.

(everyone stares in amazement, then turn towards the Narrator, who smiles and cackles evilly)

Erik: I thought that was my job.

Narrator: Sorry shnookums, but it's my story now.

Erik: Schnookums… what kind of imbecile uses the word…

(Raoul and Christine enter, linked arm and arm and giggling [both are giggling])

Raoul: Oh, my! What a wonderful day it's been eh, Schnookums?

(Christine only titters, twirling a ringlet around her finger)

Erik: (rubbing his throbbing temples) I had to ask…

* Well, that's the first chapter… more to come… and you can't escape! Mwhahahahaha…*