Everyday is so wonderful, and then suddenly, it's hard to breathe
Now and then I get insecure, from all the pain
I'm so ashamed
***
Sam walked through the living room door, haphazardly throwing her backpack to the floor beside the coat rack. It had been a horrible day, and it didn't seem to be getting better any time soon.
She and Marcy had a fight about what colour her dress for the dance should be-Sam really believed that she should wear her baby blue one, because it was a better colour for her, but Marcy kept telling her to wear the red one. It was 'hotter', Marcy had said. When Sam eventually decided on the blue dress, Marcy took it as a personal affront to her taste in clothing, and as any teenager would know, that was as good as cutting off their right arm.
***
I am beautiful no matter what they say Words can bring me down I am beautiful in every single way Yes words can bring me down So don't you bring me down today
***
She had expected Todd to take her to the dance. She thought they had a 'thing', and that meant that they would have a commitment to each other. If nothing else, she thought, it meant she had a guaranteed date to the dance.
Instead he decided that he wanted to take Connie Sutherland. She was blond, and perfect. Connie was a senior, and she drove a new car-who cared that it was a Buick? A new car. A driver's license. Two things that Sam wouldn't have for awhile.
Tony had revoked her driving privileges after the bang up with Jessie. She only had to wait three months after her sixteenth birthday, but that was still a year and a half away, and waiting that long seemed equal to waiting until her retirement.
When Sam asked Todd why he was going out with Connie instead, and if this was the end of their relationship, Todd nodded, and lowered his eyes as much as possible.
"You're nice Sam, you are.but you're too." He couldn't say the word-hell, he could barely think of the word.
"I'm too what?" She asked.
"Too.you," he finished, and then he walked away, into Connie's waiting arms, and away from Sam.
"Too me." Sam fought her tears, forced a smile and walked down the hallway in the opposite direction, despite the fact that her next class was the other way.
Connie was beautiful, with perfect shimmering blue eyes, lips that were just the right degree of pouty, and of a pedigree that Sam couldn't ever compete with.
Sam was from Brooklyn, Connie was from Hartford. Sam was Italian, and Connie was pure Anglo-American, with no discernable ethnic background.
"No competition," Sam told herself. "She's beautiful, and I'm too.me."
***
To all your friends you're delirious So consumed, you're all alone Trying hard to fill the emptiness, the pieces gone, Left the puzzle undone, is that the way it is?
***
"What's wrong honey?" Angela asked, from her position on the couch. She had been bringing work home more and more lately, convinced that there was finally something there for her to be around-for the first time ever, Angela had a family she loved.
"Nothing," Sam said as she took off her jacket and tried to fight back the tears. The last thing she wanted was to explain to Angela-a beautiful, brilliant woman-that she was dumped because she was too.her.
"Doesn't look like nothing," Angela said quietly, taking off her glasses and moving her paperwork off of her lap and on to the coffee table in front of her. It killed her to see Sam upset, and if there was anything she could do to fix it, she would. "It looks like a something-maybe even a big something."
"It's nothing," Sam said again, stomping up the stairs, and leaving a bewildered Angela to wonder what was happening.
***
You are beautiful no matter what they say Words can bring you down, No, no Cause you are beautiful in every single way Yes words can bring you down. Oh, no So don't you bring me down today.
*** Sam stretched out on her bed, her arms pulling the pillow over her face as she cried.
It hadn't taken many words for him to make her feel horrible. Todd didn't even have to use words-she understood what he meant, even though he didn't fill in all the blanks. Unlike Connie, she wasn't stupid.
"Cars aren't everything," Sam mumbled against the sopping wet pillow.
The soft rapping at the door almost went unnoticed as Sam continued to silently reprimand herself for being so disillusioned, and actually believing that Todd liked her.
How could she have ever thought he'd like her? He had a reputation to uphold, and Sam was just too.Sam. She lacked all of the attributes that he'd look for in a girlfriend, and obviously it just took him a little longer to realize it.
"Sam, honey, can I come in?" Angela's voice was soft, and soothing from behind the door. Almost instantly, Sam managed to stop her tears and dry her face on her sleeve.
"I'm fine," Sam called back.
"Can I see that for myself?"
***
No matter what we do, No matter what we say, We're the song inside the tune, full of beautiful mistakes And everywhere we go, (And everywhere we go) The sun will always shine (The sun will Always, Always, Shine) And tomorrow we might awake on the other side
***
Angela walked through the door and her heart instantly sank. "You've been crying," she remarked, instantly feeling dumb for the comment.
"I have," Sam admitted, attempting bravado, "but I'm better now."
"Oh," Angela said, not convinced. "That's good to hear. 'Cause when you came up here five minutes ago, you seemed pretty upset. I'm glad you worked through it all so fast."
"So am I," Sam said.
"So now that you've worked through it," Angela sat on the bed beside Sam, taking the younger girl's hand in her own, "would you like to talk about it?"
"Not really."
"I think I could help, ya know, for next time," Angela moved in closer, squeezing Sam's hand a bit.
"There won't be a next time," Sam said coldly.
"For what?"
"For dating. I'm never going to date again!" The floodgates opened and Sam began to cry again.
"Oh, sweetheart, yes you are. What happened today?"
"I had a fight with Marcy and then Todd broke up with me!"
"Because you had a fight with Marcy?" Angela looked down on the girl crying against her chest, and wondered if this would be any different with a daughter of her own flesh and blood. It wouldn't, she decided. It would hurt Angela just as much.
"No, because I'm too.me," Sam said.
"You're amazing, honey. You're wonderful-he wouldn't have broken up with you for being you."
"Yes he would," Sam sobbed, "because I'm not beautiful enough, and I'm too Italian. I'm too me!" She wailed her emotions totally out of check.
"Then he's crazy! You are a beautiful, intelligent girl, and he was damn lucky you have you as a girlfriend," Angela said in all honesty.
"I'm not. I'm not perfect like Connie. She's like you-blond and pretty with perfect eyes, and she has long legs too. She's beautiful. And I'm Italian and .me."
"Honey, I'm not perfect, and neither is Connie, I'm sure. And you, you are so beautiful, and you have amazing eyes, and you are just such a great person-you're a wonderful package of you. Really."
"You can say that-you're beautiful Angela. You don't know what it's like to be the ugly ethnic one," Sam said more harshly than she intended.
"You're not ugly! Really, sweetheart, you are an exceptional beauty, and if Todd doesn't see that, it's his own damn fault. I do, however, know what it's like to be ugly. I was fifteen and 200 pounds. I had braces, and I was gawky. I was smart, and I was a brunette with big hair and bad skin." Angela watched Sam's face, realizing the girl had maybe not heard the stories before. "I had a beautiful mother, and money, and I had a trust fund, and nobody to share anything with, because I spent more time at the refrigerator than I did with people."
"You couldn't have been," Sam said in disbelief.
"Oh, I was. I even went to my prom with my cousin Ernie, who was just as desperate as me."
"What happened?" Sam asked.
"I realized that I wasn't ugly, or at least, not in a way that if I was unhappy, I couldn't fix it. I lost the weight, I dyed my hair, I plucked my eyebrows and bought lots of facial cleansers. I went out more often, I met a boy I liked, and I went after him."
"Did you get him?"
"I did, and I married him." Angela smiled. "So it didn't turn out as I had hoped, but I got Jonathon out of the deal, and now I have you and your father in my life. What more could I want?"
"So I still have a chance to get pretty," Sam remarked.
"You are pretty silly! You missed my point. The point was, you think Connie's perfect, but she's gonna have a whole lot of flaws and insecurities too." Angela waited a second and then continued. "You are beautiful Sam, and you have to become happy with who you are. If Todd didn't see that, you can't change anything, but I promise you for every Todd out there, I'm sure there are at least half a dozen boys who would love to date you."
"Thanks Angela," Sam said. "I still can't believe you were ever anything but perfect."
"I'm not perfect honey, no one is. But you and Jonathon are as close to perfect as I could ever want in my life," Angela smiled, hugging the girl. "Don't let words bring you down sweetheart. Especially words that don't make any sense. You are beautiful."
"Thank you Angela. I might go to the dance after all, just to show Todd what he's missing." Sam smiled.
"That sounds like a good plan."
"And I AM going to wear the blue dress," Sam decided, making a mental note to call Marcy later and talk her off the ledge.
"It's a great dress," Angela said as she stood in the doorway.
"And I look great in it," Sam smiled.
***
'Cause we are beautiful no matter what they say Yes words won't bring us down, no We are beautiful in every single way Yes words can bring us down, oh, no So don't you bring me down today.
***
***
Sam walked through the living room door, haphazardly throwing her backpack to the floor beside the coat rack. It had been a horrible day, and it didn't seem to be getting better any time soon.
She and Marcy had a fight about what colour her dress for the dance should be-Sam really believed that she should wear her baby blue one, because it was a better colour for her, but Marcy kept telling her to wear the red one. It was 'hotter', Marcy had said. When Sam eventually decided on the blue dress, Marcy took it as a personal affront to her taste in clothing, and as any teenager would know, that was as good as cutting off their right arm.
***
I am beautiful no matter what they say Words can bring me down I am beautiful in every single way Yes words can bring me down So don't you bring me down today
***
She had expected Todd to take her to the dance. She thought they had a 'thing', and that meant that they would have a commitment to each other. If nothing else, she thought, it meant she had a guaranteed date to the dance.
Instead he decided that he wanted to take Connie Sutherland. She was blond, and perfect. Connie was a senior, and she drove a new car-who cared that it was a Buick? A new car. A driver's license. Two things that Sam wouldn't have for awhile.
Tony had revoked her driving privileges after the bang up with Jessie. She only had to wait three months after her sixteenth birthday, but that was still a year and a half away, and waiting that long seemed equal to waiting until her retirement.
When Sam asked Todd why he was going out with Connie instead, and if this was the end of their relationship, Todd nodded, and lowered his eyes as much as possible.
"You're nice Sam, you are.but you're too." He couldn't say the word-hell, he could barely think of the word.
"I'm too what?" She asked.
"Too.you," he finished, and then he walked away, into Connie's waiting arms, and away from Sam.
"Too me." Sam fought her tears, forced a smile and walked down the hallway in the opposite direction, despite the fact that her next class was the other way.
Connie was beautiful, with perfect shimmering blue eyes, lips that were just the right degree of pouty, and of a pedigree that Sam couldn't ever compete with.
Sam was from Brooklyn, Connie was from Hartford. Sam was Italian, and Connie was pure Anglo-American, with no discernable ethnic background.
"No competition," Sam told herself. "She's beautiful, and I'm too.me."
***
To all your friends you're delirious So consumed, you're all alone Trying hard to fill the emptiness, the pieces gone, Left the puzzle undone, is that the way it is?
***
"What's wrong honey?" Angela asked, from her position on the couch. She had been bringing work home more and more lately, convinced that there was finally something there for her to be around-for the first time ever, Angela had a family she loved.
"Nothing," Sam said as she took off her jacket and tried to fight back the tears. The last thing she wanted was to explain to Angela-a beautiful, brilliant woman-that she was dumped because she was too.her.
"Doesn't look like nothing," Angela said quietly, taking off her glasses and moving her paperwork off of her lap and on to the coffee table in front of her. It killed her to see Sam upset, and if there was anything she could do to fix it, she would. "It looks like a something-maybe even a big something."
"It's nothing," Sam said again, stomping up the stairs, and leaving a bewildered Angela to wonder what was happening.
***
You are beautiful no matter what they say Words can bring you down, No, no Cause you are beautiful in every single way Yes words can bring you down. Oh, no So don't you bring me down today.
*** Sam stretched out on her bed, her arms pulling the pillow over her face as she cried.
It hadn't taken many words for him to make her feel horrible. Todd didn't even have to use words-she understood what he meant, even though he didn't fill in all the blanks. Unlike Connie, she wasn't stupid.
"Cars aren't everything," Sam mumbled against the sopping wet pillow.
The soft rapping at the door almost went unnoticed as Sam continued to silently reprimand herself for being so disillusioned, and actually believing that Todd liked her.
How could she have ever thought he'd like her? He had a reputation to uphold, and Sam was just too.Sam. She lacked all of the attributes that he'd look for in a girlfriend, and obviously it just took him a little longer to realize it.
"Sam, honey, can I come in?" Angela's voice was soft, and soothing from behind the door. Almost instantly, Sam managed to stop her tears and dry her face on her sleeve.
"I'm fine," Sam called back.
"Can I see that for myself?"
***
No matter what we do, No matter what we say, We're the song inside the tune, full of beautiful mistakes And everywhere we go, (And everywhere we go) The sun will always shine (The sun will Always, Always, Shine) And tomorrow we might awake on the other side
***
Angela walked through the door and her heart instantly sank. "You've been crying," she remarked, instantly feeling dumb for the comment.
"I have," Sam admitted, attempting bravado, "but I'm better now."
"Oh," Angela said, not convinced. "That's good to hear. 'Cause when you came up here five minutes ago, you seemed pretty upset. I'm glad you worked through it all so fast."
"So am I," Sam said.
"So now that you've worked through it," Angela sat on the bed beside Sam, taking the younger girl's hand in her own, "would you like to talk about it?"
"Not really."
"I think I could help, ya know, for next time," Angela moved in closer, squeezing Sam's hand a bit.
"There won't be a next time," Sam said coldly.
"For what?"
"For dating. I'm never going to date again!" The floodgates opened and Sam began to cry again.
"Oh, sweetheart, yes you are. What happened today?"
"I had a fight with Marcy and then Todd broke up with me!"
"Because you had a fight with Marcy?" Angela looked down on the girl crying against her chest, and wondered if this would be any different with a daughter of her own flesh and blood. It wouldn't, she decided. It would hurt Angela just as much.
"No, because I'm too.me," Sam said.
"You're amazing, honey. You're wonderful-he wouldn't have broken up with you for being you."
"Yes he would," Sam sobbed, "because I'm not beautiful enough, and I'm too Italian. I'm too me!" She wailed her emotions totally out of check.
"Then he's crazy! You are a beautiful, intelligent girl, and he was damn lucky you have you as a girlfriend," Angela said in all honesty.
"I'm not. I'm not perfect like Connie. She's like you-blond and pretty with perfect eyes, and she has long legs too. She's beautiful. And I'm Italian and .me."
"Honey, I'm not perfect, and neither is Connie, I'm sure. And you, you are so beautiful, and you have amazing eyes, and you are just such a great person-you're a wonderful package of you. Really."
"You can say that-you're beautiful Angela. You don't know what it's like to be the ugly ethnic one," Sam said more harshly than she intended.
"You're not ugly! Really, sweetheart, you are an exceptional beauty, and if Todd doesn't see that, it's his own damn fault. I do, however, know what it's like to be ugly. I was fifteen and 200 pounds. I had braces, and I was gawky. I was smart, and I was a brunette with big hair and bad skin." Angela watched Sam's face, realizing the girl had maybe not heard the stories before. "I had a beautiful mother, and money, and I had a trust fund, and nobody to share anything with, because I spent more time at the refrigerator than I did with people."
"You couldn't have been," Sam said in disbelief.
"Oh, I was. I even went to my prom with my cousin Ernie, who was just as desperate as me."
"What happened?" Sam asked.
"I realized that I wasn't ugly, or at least, not in a way that if I was unhappy, I couldn't fix it. I lost the weight, I dyed my hair, I plucked my eyebrows and bought lots of facial cleansers. I went out more often, I met a boy I liked, and I went after him."
"Did you get him?"
"I did, and I married him." Angela smiled. "So it didn't turn out as I had hoped, but I got Jonathon out of the deal, and now I have you and your father in my life. What more could I want?"
"So I still have a chance to get pretty," Sam remarked.
"You are pretty silly! You missed my point. The point was, you think Connie's perfect, but she's gonna have a whole lot of flaws and insecurities too." Angela waited a second and then continued. "You are beautiful Sam, and you have to become happy with who you are. If Todd didn't see that, you can't change anything, but I promise you for every Todd out there, I'm sure there are at least half a dozen boys who would love to date you."
"Thanks Angela," Sam said. "I still can't believe you were ever anything but perfect."
"I'm not perfect honey, no one is. But you and Jonathon are as close to perfect as I could ever want in my life," Angela smiled, hugging the girl. "Don't let words bring you down sweetheart. Especially words that don't make any sense. You are beautiful."
"Thank you Angela. I might go to the dance after all, just to show Todd what he's missing." Sam smiled.
"That sounds like a good plan."
"And I AM going to wear the blue dress," Sam decided, making a mental note to call Marcy later and talk her off the ledge.
"It's a great dress," Angela said as she stood in the doorway.
"And I look great in it," Sam smiled.
***
'Cause we are beautiful no matter what they say Yes words won't bring us down, no We are beautiful in every single way Yes words can bring us down, oh, no So don't you bring me down today.
***