Me: Please sit back, relax, and enjoy the story. Would my star character like to do the disclaimer?

Snake: No. I don't do disclaimer shit.

Me: Oh yes you will, and because this is the world of fan fiction, I can do whatever I want to you. Now do the freakin' disclaimer before I turn you into algae!

Snake: Fine, Nintendo-says-hi doesn't own Super Smash Bros. Especially me, Solid Snake, the greatest fighter in Smash Bros. history.

*smiles adorably* Enjoy!

P.S. Yaoi will be seen in this story.

"Who new the Super Smash Bros. mansion could be so hectic and chaotic. Every day I almost get pelted with food in the dining room at breakfast, lunch, and dinner. During the summer, I get splashed all day no matter where I am (literally). The only woman I ever had feelings for in this place, cheats on every man she gets. I told her if some people can marry a others nearly twice their age, that she can at least give me a shot. I even told her about Mariah Carey and Nick Cannon. There is a ten year difference and they're in love. But then we got into an argument." Snake thought to himself.

Flashback start

"I only date men within a five year range of my age, Snake. I'm sorry, but this just isn't gonna work out." Samus told him.

"But I'm only eleven years older than you. You can get past that right? Please, just for me? Can't I be the exception?" Snake pleaded.

"No Snake. I'm sorry but I gotta go. I'll see you later." Samus said as she walked off.

Flashback end

All I could do after that incident was smoke just like a chimney. It felt good. I love smoking." Snake thought to himself.

"This is so boring. All he's thinking about is how much he loves smoking and Samus." Ness sighed as he read Snake's mind.

"At least it's better than Samus's mind. She's thinking about what guy she want to sleep with next." Lucas exclaimed as he read Samus's mind.

"How are we supposed to get Samus and Snake together if smoke and sex is the only thing on their minds?" Ness asked Lucas.

"I am quite delighted that you asked. I think I have an idea. Remember when Fox tried to get to Samus's heart by learning how to dance?" Lucas asked.

"Fox was just trying to make Falco jealous." Ness suddenly remembered the truth behind the whole event.

"That may be, but he did get to Samus's heart." Lucas informed. Fox was Samus's eighty-forth boyfriend.

"But when she found out Fox was just using her, she totally kicked his ass." Ness reminded Lucas.

"Can't you just agree to anything I say? Does our relationship mean anything to you? You always tell me the bad side of my ideas. Just please this one time agree with me." Lucas pleaded with Ness.

"Fine. But I still…"

"Shhhhhh. Zip it." Lucas cut Ness off to avoid further negativity.

Snake thought of Samus as a hot young, fine, sexy female that makes him want to have orgasm over and over again. Other details on what he thinks of her will not be mentioned, but you get the point.

Ness and Lucas really shouldn't be reading Snake's sexual perverted mind, but they must find a way to get them together. Why must they you ask? Let us have a look into the past.

(Flashback starts)

Back when Lucas was running from Porkey, he tripped and fell. Ness showed up to protect Lucas. We thought Ness won the battle against Porkey and lost to Wario, but there was a alternate part to this scene that no one has ever seen. Porkey critically injured Ness. He tried to use PK Thunder to attack Porkey, but the he dodged the electric ball and stabbed Ness right in the stomach with one of his sharp arms. Red, who apparently wasn't too far away, noticed what was happening and decided to step in. Since Red is an irresponsible teenager, he lost his Pokeballs. All of them unfortunately. He's gotta catch 'em all and he can't even find the ones he has. He was pretty much useless in this fight.

There was a fairly large box in the area. It was tan with a huge orange exclamation point and the words "Smash Bros." printed on it. Out from under the box came a tall man wearing stealth camo gear and a headband. Seeing what he was up against, he pulled out his grenade launcher. With a few well timed and pinpointed shots he saved Ness, Lucas, and Red's life when it was their moment to shine.

(Flashback ends)

As you can see, Snake is always well prepared. Literally (He sleeps with his rifle and has a pistol in his bathroom). Not only does Ness and Lucas owe Snake big-time, but so does Red. Snake let Red off the hook because he got Samus to kiss him the previous Christmas. He used duskull (a ghost pokemon) to sneak a mistletoe over the arch in which they were exchanging gifts.

Ness and Lucas hoped Samus's thought would make things easier for them. Hopefully they could find out what she likes in men. To make matters worse, they can't get to Samus's mind through her power suit, gravity suit, phazon suit, varia suit, dark suit, light suit, or fusion suit. But her zero suit is like an open book. Samus recently received an update for all of her suits. If anyone even tries to red her mind, she'll know about it. Samus doesn't play.

"Ness, guess what."

"What Lucas?"

"Samus is talking to Peach, Zelda, and Jigglypuff about guys."

"That's great. Where are they?"

"They're talking in the courtyard."

"C'mon Peach!" yelled Samus eagerly.

"Yeah, tell us the news already." whined Jigglypuff.

"Spill the beans Peach." Apparently the girls are very interested in what Peach has to say.

"Well ladies," Peach began, "earlier today, Mario asked me to marry him." The other three girls shrieked in delight at the great news.

"I hear things are getting pretty serious between you and Kirby, Jigglypuff." began Zelda as she sipped her tea.

"Yeah, were taking it slow." Jigglypuff nervously stated. She lied however. She and Kirby have been having sex every night for the past couple of weeks.

"What about you Samus? Are you interested in anyone? I hear Snake's got a thing for you. You should give him a chance." Peach advised.

This caught Ness and Lucas's attention. They were listening to the whole conversation.

"Maybe you're right Peach. I mean, what do I have to lose?" Samus was hesitant to say this, but she was open to her friends' ideas or suggestions. She still thought though "I'm not going to lower my standards for some explosion obsessed asshole.

When Samus said this, Ness and Lucas regained confidence in their hopes of getting Snake and Samus together. It would still be a challenge though because Samus was still unsure.

Author's note: Please review. This story is just beginning. Tell me if I should continue even though I will whether you like it or not.