Disclaimer: Don't sue me. I have no money and I don't own any part of Andromeda or MB20, though I truly wish I at least owned part of Harper or Tyr.
Warning: High angst ahead, slight language involved
AN: I have no idea where this came from. There are no bunnies here so don't blame my plot skrewts. They had nothing to do with this. This is my first net fic so R&R, email me, blah blah blah. Tell me if I suck at this. I'm working on another Drom fic as we speak, or should it be type? Anyway, it'll get here sooner or later-maybe. The song is "You Won't Be Mine" by Matchbox 20. Did I forget to mention this is slash? *evil smirk* Oh well, here we go…
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~Take your head around the world
See what you get
From your mind~
Harper lay awake, staring at the ceiling of Tyr's quarters. He had been awake for hours, long after Tyr had finally gone to sleep. What the hell am I doing? Harper thought. I'm sleeping with a Nietzschean-a big, alpha, Nietzschean uber.
That's not fair, a little voice at the back of his mind said. This is Tyr, he's different. He's special.
Yeah of course he's special-but what are you? the other voice hissed. What makes you think you're so damned special? You know he's just gonna dump you when he's done playing.
~See who's your friend
Who is kind
It's almost like a disease
I know soon you will be~
Shut up! Harper thought. The voices were driving him crazy, had been since that first fateful kiss on the Obs Deck. Usually he could ignore the pessimistic one, but lately that voice had been getting louder while the other one, the nicer one, faded into background noise.
He liked being with Tyr-in fact he had a sneaking suspiscion that he loved the Nietzschean, but then he would be slammed with self doubt. Why was Tyr bothering with a pale, immune deficient kludge? Why would anyone bother with him? And then the fear would start-What am I supposed to do when he's tired of me?
~Over the lies, you'll be strong
You'll be rich in love and you will carry on
But no - oh no
No you won't be mine~
Harper had already imagined the scenario a thousand times. He would be in the machine shop and Tyr would just lean against the door jamb like nothing was happening and say "I am no longer in need of your services, boy" or something Neitzschean-ish like that. Or worse yet, he would walk into Tyr's room and find him going at it with Beka. Sometimes that's what really bothered him. He feared he was just a replacement for Beka. Tyr couldn't get the real Valentine so he settled for the next best thing, her favourite engineer.
~Take your straight line for a curve
Make it stretch, the same old line
Try to find if it was worth what you spent~
Harper let out a breath he hadn't realized he'd been holding. This was so hard. He felt like he was being ripped apart from the inside out, only there were no magog larvae to blame. He liked, no he loved Tyr but he knew he couldn't handle it if it turned out he was just another passing distraction to Tyr.
He glanced over at the sleeping Neitzschean and felt his heart implode. Quietly, he leaned over and gave Tyr a featherlight kiss on the top of his head, hoping to the Divine that Tyr wouldn't wake up in the middle of his escape. Harper grabbed his pants and shirt off the floor and pulled them on, forgoing his boots. The less noise the better.
He made his way to the door and practically jumped into the corridor as the door softly whooshed behind him. Once outside, he slumped against the door. Nietzscheans weren't stupid. When Tyr woke up and found him gone, he knew Tyr would get it.
~Why you're guilty for the way
You're feeling now
It's almost like being free
And I know soon you will be~
I didn't mean for it to end up like this, Harper thought. But in the Seamus Harper scheme of things, it was better to leave than get left. He straightened up and gave the door a final sad glance.
"Love you, Tyr" he whispered. Then he walked away.
~Over the lies you'll be strong
You'll be rich in love and you will carry on
But no - oh no
No you won't be mine
But no - oh no
No you won't be mine~