AN: part of the "So It Is (re)Written" series by Murasaki23
Rifling in her purse for her keys, Jenny walked out the double doors of the school and into the faculty parking lot. Since Angel had left she felt a little bit better about walking around the school and the library after dark. Since the Slayer spent a lot of time here most vamps wouldn't come unless it was a dire situation. Or they were hopelessly in love with Buffy. Jenny rolled her eyes as she unlocked her bug and folded herself into the drivers seat. It had been the right thing to do, to send him away. Angelus was a dangerous monster, and anything she could do to keep Buffy, Rupert and the others safe she would do it.
That's why she had to tell him. Had to tell them who she was and why she was there. Had to tell them everything.
Jenny sat back in her seat and let the keys sit in the ignition. So she had told him everything. Her name, her story, her reason for being here. How she had been lying to them basically since she had met him. Gripping the steering wheel Jenny sighed shakily. God she had fucked up. This didn't even compare to the Eyghon thing. They all had demons in their past that were supposed to stay there, it was hardly fair for her to blame him for something he'd done at 17.
Things she'd done in the last few months, though, those were fair game.
It had been the right thing to do. Angelus was a monster. She had been saying that to herself a lot these past couple days. Every time her stomach twisted when she saw Buffy looking so lost and sad. She had a mission, she told herself, a duty to fulfill. Her family was counting on her. First and foremost she was Janna of the Kalderash Clan. She belonged to the people whom Angelus had hurt so deeply. People still told the stories of the murder of the harvest bride and the resulting massacre— fun family dinner conversation, it had given her and her siblings nightmares! Playing games where they fought the evil Angelus, for goodness sake. Jenny still remembered sitting in her living room with her parents, uncles and the Elder Woman, telling her what she had to do. They hadn't had to explain to her the gravity of this job and the importance of it to the people she loved. She had sworn to carry on the family legacy, to make the people who mattered most to her proud.
She hadn't expected this.
She hadn't expected to get attached to the Slayer and her friends.
She hadn't expected to work along side the ensouled Angel.
She hadn't expected to fall in love.
And now she had probably lost that love. Lost that new life she was building for herself. Lost the life where she was no longer bound by a duty, a duty she had forgotten could be...a little stifling. She had lost her place here. Jenny covered her mouth as a sob caught in her throat.
They couldn't trust her, and in a way she didn't blame them. The look in Buffy's and Rupert's eyes had cut through her like a knife but it their distrust was probably justified. After all it would be to the advantage of someone watching Angel to get close to his girlfriend the Slayer, to connect with her Watcher, to learn all she could from him. The Slayer did the stabbing, the Watcher did the strategizing. Everything she had done had been a double edged sword, a lie.
She hadn't lied about the feelings though.
She hadn't lied about laughing at Xander, Willow and Buffy's teen slang.
Worrying over Rupert and the kids when they got hurt.
The warm feeling that she got when Rupert smiled at her.
The fluttering in her stomach and chest when she bantered with him or wound him up.
The way the rest of the world melted away when he kissed her.
She would never see that smile again, or see that look in his eye. Now it would only be the look of anger, and hurt. Because she had betrayed him. Jenny rested her head against the headrest and let a couple of tears slide down her cheeks.
She had fucked it up. Fucked it all up.
It was the best relationship of her life (not that there were really all that many) and she had fucked it up.
Was this going to be her whole life now? Teaching students, most of whom didn't want to learn, HTML and watching a 200 year old brooding vampire? What kind of life was that to live anyway? Her family could talk all they wanted about duty and loyalty to the family, but they weren't out here. They weren't the ones feeling this gnawing emptiness and guilt.
No family duty was worth that. Certainly not making sure that Angel, a man who had saved countless lives alongside her, suffered for all eternity. That grand revenge just seemed so small and petty.
But Angel was gone. What was supposed to happen now? Was she supposed to follow him on his travels? Was she supposed to go back to her family, pretend like nothing had changed and step back into the role of a Romani Kalderash woman? Was she supposed to stay here in case he came back?
What did she even want? Did she want to go back to being Janna, or continue this new life as Jenny Calendar? She had no earthly idea. She could barely decide who she was, let alone what she wanted in the long term.
But Jenny knew what she wanted right now. She wanted to make things right with Rupert. And with Buffy. With Xander, Willow, and Chuxi and all the rest. Some relationships were too important to throw away.
Turning on the engine she pulled out of the parking lot. It was time to form a plan.