-1Drawn
I can't leave him because I love him, and I need his love
That's what I tell myself every morning, every evening, after a vicious fight that leaves me with more than tears, after a loving kiss and hug when he promises me that everything "will be ok". Drawn to him.
I can't leave him, because I need him, and I can't be without him. Drawn to him.
I started to hate being left on my own after living with such a busy, happy family, in such a welcoming family home.
When I moved into my own apartment after starting out with my new life. The walls would close in, the room felt stuffy. I would talk and nobody would talk back, it what just silence. I hated silence. Drawn to a life without silence.
I can't leave him because I have a baby, It isn't his biologically but together we bring her up, and he treats her like a princess. He loves our family. Just the three of us. Drawn to them.
I can't leave him, because I might revert into the girl that has too much fun with guys. I craved the attention of males and females, desperate not to have to go back to the cold and unwelcoming flat, that was filled with silence. So much so craved men's attention, that at 16 years old, choosing a new life for myself, and not the one my parents had dreamed, I gave birth to a beautiful baby girl, my whole life is filled with purpose with her, and her sort of father. Drawn to men, and bad boys.
I can't leave him for a few seconds. , because I'm scared of being on my own. I can't be on my own. Because If I'm on my own if makes the voices in my head tell me that things aren't right, and if I'm distracted then I can't hear them stupid voices, the annoying soundtrack of the last few years that went oh so wrong. Drawn to distraction.
I can't leave him because the future is so open, If he wasn't in my life, where would I be, how would I cope. Would I meet somebody else to stay with me all the time? Would they take on my little girl and me, as a package. He is the only one who understands me. Drawn to regular normality.
I want to tell you my story because I need somebody to hear what is going on in my life, a life I know is not perfect, but a life that I don't know how I can break free from, I've kept it a secret from my family, my friends and my work colleagues. I put on an act and pretend were a happy family. Drawn to finally telling the truth, and finally telling my story…