Take a deep breath. Inhale. Exhale. One. Two. In. Out.
Sounds easy right? But it's not. It gets harder and harder to breathe when someone pulls your Alexander Mcqueen scarf tighter around your neck. It gets harder when your in an ocean and you can't swim.
Kurt Hummel was choking. He was DROWNING.
It gets even worse, when you are drowning and choking on the water and everyone around you is swimming, laughing, not caring about you screaming for help. Then there are the people that splash the water and push you down making it harder to survive, to even want to survive. These are known as bullies. Kurt Hummel had many of them. They would make his life a living hell, just because he was GAY, A FAG, and A FAIRY. They never failed to remind him.
It's a good thing your mom is dead, she doesn't have to see what a fag you've become.
It's true. Kurt knows it's true. Why would someone as beautiful as his mother want a fag for a son? Although he knows it's true it doesn't make it any less painful to hear.
Daddy, where are you? Help I can't breathe.
Burt loved his son. He really did. Kurt knew that but the wall between them has been there since Kurt's mom died. It got worse when Kurt came out. He knew his father loved him no matter what but he also knew his father was one of those idiot jocks in high school who picked on gay people.
You've been teaching yourself how to breathe for so long, shouldn't you be a pro?
When he was little and his mom was still alive, the breathing came naturally. There was no thinking involved. When he would watch movies with his mom, he could breathe. When he would play toy trucks with his dad as Burt would try to explain to the three year old about engines he would breathe. Hell, Kurt was fucking swimming. He couldn't be sheltered in the house for the rest of his life. His mom took him to a playground.
He was playing in the sandbox all by himself. Why didn't anyone want to play with him? All the boys were playing catch and the girls were playing house with dolls. Contrary to popular belief, Kurt Hummel did not like dolls and he was actually pretty good at catch thanks to his dad. So he got up from the sand and brushed his jeans off and walked over to the group of boys. They all looked at him.
"Um, I was wondering if I could play with you guys." Kurt winced to himself. When he was scared his voice was even higher. One boy who looked way too big to be five, stepped up to him.
"Aww look, the Lady wants to play" God, Kurt wanted to say something but when he saw everyone in the group shrug he checked it off in his head as a success. Kurt joined them in the circle and the game began. Kurt noticed how the game was starting quicker and harder than before. To everyone's surprise Kurt was the only one to not drop the ball yet. So the big boy who stepped up to Kurt earlier, who later turns out to be Karofsky, threw his ball fast and hard directly to Kurt's head. It was impossible to catch the ball and he knew it. The ball hit Kurt in the head knocking him off his feet.
"Aww is the baby going to cry?" the boys taunted. They then walked away. Kurt began to cry.
Kurt was five years old when his regular breathing turned into jagged breaths.
His mother died some years later.
Kurt watched as they lowered the casket into the ground. Everyone around him cried. Kurt was still in denial. It wasn't until his father, his big, men don't cry, turned to him teary-eyed and said
"She's never coming back." Then Kurt broke.
He was 10 years old when his breathing stopped completely.
Kurt's breathing problems just worsened until high school. Kurt thought joining Glee Club would be the asthma pump he needed to help him breathe every once in a while. He was right, it did help at first. Then everyone started to slowly forget about him. His breathing went back to how he started. He realized that he doesn't want much in life, just someone to help him breathe.