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On the third floor of Japan's prestigious Ouran High School, where only the richest and most prominent students study, one would find Music Room 3 at the end of a long hall with walls painted pink and gold. Behind its ivory white doors: a gentle gust of rose petals, followed by the warm faces of seven quirky but lovable teens who are ready to serve and entertain you:
Tamaki Suou- The Host King; half French, half Japanese, and all around goofball. He considers himself a patriarch, and the club members his family.
Kyoya Ootori- Tamaki's right hand man and self-appointed accountant of the group. He does not consider himself to be a supporting character, homosexual or otherwise.
Takashi "Mori" Morinozuka- the strong, silent type; well, more silent than strong... More silent than anything, really.
Mitskuni "Hunny" Haninozuka- Mori's cousin, who looks a lot younger than he is. He's also the most fearsome of the group, especially just after naptime.
The brothers Hatachiin, Hikaru and Kaoru- known as the Twin Devils; they're as mischevous as cats, and twice as dangerous when bored.
And Haruhi Fujioka- a kind and patient young man...who's really a girl in disguise.
Welcome to the Ouran High School Host Club.
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"HIKARU AND KAORU READ A FANFIC"
Snodin
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For Angie
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"Hika... Is this going to hurt?" His voice was breathless, his heart fluttering at nearly a hundred miles per hour as he stared up at his beloved twin.
The elder boy caressed the younger's cheek tenderly. "Oh yes, Kaoru. It will hurt at first... But trust me, it'll be worth it."
This was the night they dreamed of, the night when all of their defenses would drop and their facades unmasked. There was no one but them; no cameras rolling, no disapproving onlookers. Nothing to hold them back. Tonight, all of their fantasies were about to come true.
Hikaru laid his younger twin down on their King-sized bed after gently pulling off his shirt. Kaoru shivered as the cold air hit his skin, but he quickly relaxed as he began to breathe deeply, his arms stretched out and his legs dangling over the side of the bed. He watched intently as his older twin slowly undid his belt buckle and proceeded to gingerly pull down his pants, exposing his thin legs. Before the younger Hitachiin was completely exposed, Hikaru began to tear his own clothes off until he himself was in boxers.
Kaoru reached out with his index finger and caressed his twin's bare chest. "Oh, Hikaru... You're so beautiful." His cheeks flared red.
The older twin, not missing a beat, reached down and kissed his brother's chest, making his body rise slightly. Another chill ran through Kaoru, but this was more of a thrill than anything else. He gasped for air, even though he wasn't in need of it. Not yet, anyway.
"You look nervous," breathed Hikaru as he gazed into his brother's identical eyes.
"I am... a little," gulped Kaoru softly.
"Don't be," smiled the older Hitachiin. "...You want this, don't you?"
"Yes. I want this... I want you." He rested his left hand on Hikaru's right cheek. "I'm ready."
Kaoru pulled him in, their mouths wide open...
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D-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-ING!
The sudden shrill of the classroom bell caught Ayaka (last name) off guard, dropping the newest page of her fanfic onto the floor. Frantically, she reached down and recovered it before the professor caught her in the act. This was becoming more and more commonplace for her, as her school subjects became more and more boring by the day. Her only escape was her fantasy world, in which the Hitachiin Twins' taboo love affair was a very real thing, and it was now playing out like a textbook love story.
As a regular guest of the Host Club, Ayaka was among the Twins' frequent customers. And since they had so many at one time, they simply couldn't give special attention to each one, as it would only make her fellow fangirls jealous. The last thing those two Devils needed was a fight to break out amongst their fans. But Ayaka was a patient girl, and fully aware of her position. She knew that the Twins cared for all of their guests equally, and she wouldn't dare disrupt the peace. But she just couldn't keep her admiration of them to herself, it was ready to pop out like soda in a shaken bottle. So she turned to fanfiction as an outlet, and so far it was a success. So long as no one else saw it, the professors especially, she was safe in her little world of taboo love.
Her heart was skipping several beats as she scrambled to collect the last of her books, for this was the last class of the day. From here, it was straight to Music Room 3...
..
..
...where it was Fantasy Day.
Truth be told, none of the Hosts could decide on one specific fantasy to play out, as so many of them fit the classic Medevil theme. So each one was allowed to role-play as a character of their choosing, so long as that character fit within a fantasy realm. As a result, Tamaki took the role of King Arthur with a plastic Excalibur in hand; Kyoya dressed in a purple velvet wizard's robe and donned a long pointy hat and a fake silver beard. He didn't say which wizard he was; Tamaki assumed he was Merlin, but he could have very well been cast as Gandolf or Dumbledore instead. Haruhi was a court jester, with mismatched patches of purple and lime green, topped with a cap with bells on its end. Mori was a knight of the realm, completely covered in silvery armor; Hunny was his squire, dressed humbly in a white dress shirt and brown raggedy pants. In his hand he held a white pole with a plush white horse head on its end.
The ones that stood out were the Twins; since the fantasy theme didn't have specifics, they were free to play out the most risqué of characters: Queen Cersei and her twin Jaime, from George R. R. Martin's "Game of Thrones." Their reasoning to be this pair was all too obvious, but Tamaki was especially creeped out by it. For one thing, Kaoru (as Cersei) was wearing an orange dress laced in gold, one fit for a true lady; and his blonde wig was super long and braided, making him almost unrecognizable. Hikaru as Jaime looked just as regal, but at least he looked manly.
The sight of them turned Tamaki's face red with embarrassment; "When I said 'Play out your favorite fantasy,'" he elaborated, "this isn't exactly what I had in mind."
"I dunno," smirked the boy in women's clothing, as he twirled a band of fake hair around his finger, "this dress is really comfortable. I ought to do this more often."
His devilish twin leaned in and breathed in his ear, "Careful what you wish for, Kaoru. Next time, I might dress you up as a skimpy nurse."
"Oo, then you can be my patient for a change," purred Kaoru with a wily grin.
After cringing at the Twins, Tamaki turned to his favorite Host(ess). "Haruhi, I'm curious: why did you go with the court jester motif?"
"For the sake of irony," smirked the girl in boyish clothing. "Every other day, I'm the one surrounded by a bunch of clowns."
"Ah," he nodded, misreading her snide remark as a jab at her first-year peers. "Well I can't speak for your other classmates, except for Bonnie and Clyde over there."
The Twins shot a look of offense at him. "We're Cersei and Jaime Lannister."
Tamaki rolled his eyes. "Whatever."
"Places, everyone! Here come the guests," announced Merlin/Gandalf/Dumbledore.
As the group took their spots in front of the doorway, Tamaki ordered, "Hunny-Senpai, cue the roses!"
Quickly, Hunny placed a pile of freshly plucked rose petals on the ground, right in front of a small electric fan. He turned it on, just as the doors opened. Right on time, the guests were greeted by a flurry of rose petals as they entered the room, and what caught their eyes next was the group of young men who looked like they jumped out of a fantasy book.
"Welcome, ladies!" they all replied.
The girls, Ayaka among them, squealed with delight.
The Host King, dressed in noble attire right down to the crown and red velvet cape, stepped forward and declared, "Today, my lovely young maidens, all of your fantasies will come true! For I am King Arthur, and these are my noble companions!"
Hunny skipped along the floor with his white horse toy between his legs. "Who wants to ride off with me into the sunset?"
"Me! Me!" cheered some of the girls who took off after him.
Ayaka curiously looked around and saw that one of the Hitachiin boys was sitting with what appeared to be a grown woman with long golden hair. "Excuse me, Tamak- err, I mean King Arthur?"
"Yes, my fair maiden?" he grinned while genuflecting to her.
"Oh, I've just noticed that there's only one Hitachiin boy here. Where is the other one?"
"Ah," he nodded. "You must be one of their clients. They're both over there, playing Samson and Delilah."
"Cersei an-"
"Forget it, Kaoru. He's doing this on purpose now," said the twin in male clothing as he narrowed his eyes at his blonde elder.
Ayaka blinked twice before realizing that the "woman" next to Hikaru had his matching face and eyes. She beamed in delight, "Ooo, that's clever!" She and a few other maidens gathered to the Hitachiin table.
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The afternoon went as planned, with Haruhi entertaining her guests with a juggling act that she learned just for the event, and others watched as Mori and Hunny "slayed" a dragon, that was actually one of Hunny's own plushies. The Twins recited lines from the book, and while not everyone present had read the source material, they were all giddy at the idea of one of the boys crossdressing as a girl.
"What a cute idea," purred one of them. "You guys should crossdress more, it'd be so exciting."
"Yeah, the whole group should get in on it!" cooed another guest.
Little did they know, that one of the Hosts was crossdressing every day. Haruhi heard the remark and rolled her eyes with a smile.
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Before they knew it, the hour struck 5pm.
"And with that," said the wizard cosplayer, "the Host Club is done for today. Ladies, it's been a pleasure."
The maidens said their goodbyes with the Hosts waving with grand smiles on their faces. But when the last guest left and the doors shut, Tamaki let out a sigh of relief. "Whew! That was a close one."
"What do you mean, Senpai?" blinked Haruhi.
The Host King frowned, "This was the second time in a month that we did a theme based around Medevil Europe. I was worried the guests would complain about our lack of creativity."
The girl in boy's clothing smiled, "Nah, they don't really care what theme we do, just as long as we all have fun."
"Yeah," beamed Hunny, still hopping on his horse. "We had lots of fun today! Didn't we, Takashi?"
The stoic knight in shining armor hummed.
"Still," mused the wizard as he tallied up the day's profit in his little black book, "it would be wise if we could put our heads together to do something new for a change. Anyone have any bright ideas?"
"Not us," shrugged the Twins; Kaoru took off the wig shortly after the girls left.
"Good," sneered their Boss. "I hate it when you little deviants get ideas."
They stuck out their tongues at him.
"Why don't we worry about this another time?" suggested Haruhi. "It's late, and I've gotta get home to study for a test tomorrow." She then glanced over at the Twins. "Guys, you should get home and study too."
"Can we study with you?" purred Hikaru.
"At your place?" grinned his brother.
If they had tails, they'd be wagging.
Haruhi sighed, "Nice try, guys. You'd be studying alright, but not the books."
The redheads' faces faltered. "Damn, she's good."
"Alright you guys," said Haruhi as she started out the door with a wave. "See you all tomorrow."
Tamaki dropped to one knee and stuck out his right arm in dramatic poise. "Farewell, my darling. Parting is such sweet sorrow."
"Hmm," mused Kyoya in his corner. "Shakespeare... Now there's an idea."
"Yeah!" cheered Kaoru. "That's a great idea for the club! I'm gonna go tell Haruhi!"
The boy was practically galloping out the door with his twin close behind yelling, "Hey, Kaoru! Wait for me! I wanna tell her too!"
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While still dressed as a queen, Kaoru dashed through the hallway while trying to catch up with his female classmate. His brother, still in his own costume, was close behind. The two of them were so shrouded in their excitement, that they took a wrong turn and bumped into a female student in their way. And as it turned out, this one was not Haruhi, but a girl in the traditional yellow dress of the school.
"Ooof!" she huffed, as Kaoru bumped into her from behind. As she shook, she dropped a few pieces of paper onto the floor.
"Oh! I'm sorry," gasped Kaoru. "I didn't mean to... Are you alright?"
The girl turned around. It was Ayaka, the fangirl with the fanfictions. Upon looking into the eyes of one of her beloved Hitachiin twins, her face flushed red and her thoughts all melted away. It was as though she fell into a deep trance.
"I'm really sorry," frowned Kaoru, who was unsure of what to do. Behind him, Hikaru looked confused and started to scan the area for Haruhi.
As Kaoru held out his hand apologetically, the girl let out a small squeal before taking off in a mad dash, leaving behind a dustcloud of yellow that matched her uniform.
"...Well, that was weird," mused Kaoru, before he looked down on the floor. "...What's this?" purred the curious Hitachiin.
Poor, poor Ayaka. So taken was she by being in the presence of her favorite Hosts, that she lost all control of her nerves and ran away before remembering that she had dropped the fanfic she had been working so feverently on. And there, by the feet of Kaoru Hitachiin, were the pages of said fanfic.
Curious, he picked up the pages- five in total- and began to skim through each one As he did this, his smile grew wider, and wider. "Oh... Oh-ho-ho-ho! ...Oo, that's dirty. ...Oh, you naughty, naughty girl... 'His raging ten-inch'- TEN? Oh sweetie, bless your heart!"
"Kaoru?" peeped Hikaru, who was still scanning the hall for Haruhi.
He waved him down. "Hika! Come'ere, you gotta read this!"
"What is it?" asked the other half of the duo as he approached.
"Just read this part right here."
Hikaru looked over his brother's shoulder, and within seconds his jaw dropped and his face flushed red. "'His tongue explored his brother's wet cavity...' Ugh, you ever notice how often smut fics say those exact words when explaining French kisses? Just call it what it is: a mouth! ...Wait, is this about us?"
"Uh-huh," giggled Kaoru. "Read on. It gets better."
"'He reached for the lubricant' -Oh, yeah! Like we always have it on hand!" He rolled his eyes.
"Wait, wait. The best part's coming right up."
"'With his pointer finger, he reached down into Kaoru's nether reg-... Oh... Oh, God. ...Oh, my Go- LEGS DON'T BEND LIKE THAT!"
"BWA-Hahahahahaha!" laughed his twin, his legs kicking while his arms squeezed his sides so as to prevent them from bursting. "Priceless! It's so priceless!"
Hikaru's fingers scanned through more unbelievably detailed items. "No, no, no. That does not go there, dear..." Suddenly, he cupped his mouth in horror. "Ooohh! Oh God, it just keeps getting worse! Oh, ow! I felt that!" Then he pointed to one particularly racy line. "I don't even think that's legal."
"None of this is legal!" At this point, Kaoru was on the verge of losing all of the air in his lungs, as he arched back into the wall for support.
"Who the hell wrote this? And how do they know so much about male anatomy?"
The younger twin paused to catch his breath before responding. "...It was one of our guests, I think, but I never got her name..." He turned his face slightly to meet Hikaru's golden eyes. "...So. What do you think?"
The slightly older Hitachiin took a step back while making a face in disgust. "I am not making that our next routine."
"Well," shrugged Kaoru, "we don't have to do every last detail; we'll just water it down a little..." He flipped to the next page and read some more lines. "...We'll have to water it down a lot."
The elder twins' eyes suddenly sparkled, as an idea rushed through his head. Tamaki was right; their ideas were quite devious. "...Hey. Kaoru."
The younger twins' eyes matched his brothers'. "Yes, Hikaru?"
"Remember what Kyoya-Senpai said about us doing Shakespeare? ...What if we took it a step further?"
Their wide, toothy grins matched.
Oh such deviants they were, those Hitachiin boys.
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TBC