Disclaimer: Only this story is mine, not Gossip girl (I wish) or Blair or Chuck (a girl can dream)

Author's note: I have no idea where this idea came from it's pretty different from what I usually write but I felt like doing something a little different in between my main story. Reviews are wonderful and any constructive critism is welcome!

What a difference a day made. She felt sick, young and fragile, wanting a mother she never really had. One to hug to her, truly love her and never let her go.

"Just hold me."

Chuck looked down at her with infinite concern in his eyes as he stroked her face carefully with a wet cloth. That would have to be enough.

"Of course."

She lay in Chuck's arms, forgetting the past, not thinking of the future. Only concentrating on the present and what could be compartmentalised without making her cry again.

The morning had not started off well, maybe it was an omen of events to come. Blair always thought a bad morning could be remedied with shopping or chatting with Serena, there is nowhere to go but up for the rest of the day she always philosophised. How wrong she was.

Chuck and Blair had begun tentatively dating ever since her seventeenth birthday party, Chuck had proven he cared about her and she was ready to be taken care of after the disaster that was her and Nate. Chuck protected her, balanced her out and she grew to trust him as the weeks went on.

She should have known it was only a matter of time until Chuck couldn't keep it in his pants any longer. He was drunk at the time he had pleaded. So fucking what? If Blair had fucked every guy she met when she was drunk she would have lost her virginity years ago and slept with half of Manhattan. Then again the whole reason her and Chuck started was because of a drunken tryst in his limo. It was so tacky but she had secretly liked it and not-so-secretly enjoyed it.

All guys were the same though, and why expect any more from Chuck who the archetype of a womaniser. Either way she was hurt, embarrassed and didn't want to see him again. It was on the crappy morning that Chuck had begged and pleaded pathetically for her to join him in his limo 'just to talk.'

As they drove along Chuck confessed to be an asshole and not deserving her which she could only agree with. He also told her he was in love with her. She would have thought it was a trick if it wasn't for the self-loathing tone and sincere, grave look on his face. Her ego swelled but she was still pissed off and when he tried to desperately make out and grope her so soon she slapped him away and demand he let her out.

If she'd only given in to her desires and had him in the limo again she wouldn't be crying into his arms hours later.

She walked in a haze of anger and confusion about her latest ex-boyfriend and accidentally bumped into a businessman next to her.

"Sorry."

The man nodded absentmindedly before he properly saw her.

"Aren't you Eleanor's daughter?"

"Yes I am."

"Say hello from Harold for me. She's friends with my wife, they know each other through a party planning committee."

"I'll pass that on."

"How's school?"

She found it odd to be talking with the man she had never met before and was irritating close to him in the bustle of people.

"It's fine thank you."

"My daughter Emily attends and is a few years below you. "

"I'll be sure to look out for her."

"Thank you."

That's when it happened. It would always surprise Blair that he was just an average suit like all the rest. He walked towards the pair of them who were talking and as he reached them he pulled out a gun from his coat and shot Harold at point blank range in the neck.

The world seemed to slow down so Blair could take in the horror of it all. Something wet like water spray hit the side of her face as the man she was discussing family with went down with a look of confusion. Blair heard screaming around her, what was she supposed to do?"

"Please-"

Harold was trying to talk to her so she bent down and automatically took off her blazer and stuffed it against his neck to try and stem the bleeding. She wasn't sure who was controlling her, it was like some automatic survival function had switched on, thank god for episodes of ER. Blair usually hated blood and the hot smell of it that was mixing in the air would have made her vomit if she wasn't distracted with the people standing and talking around her. One had called an ambulance. Another was shouting for a doctor.

"Get that child out of the way."

Blair didn't move and no one tried to move her. She wasn't fucking eight and she sort of knew the guy so when the ambulance came she could tell him his name and find out about his family for him.

"Please-"

"What is it?"

She leaned down to hear him, the blood was now in his mouth and he could barely breathe let alone talk.

"Tell my wife-"

"It's okay I'll tell her you love her, you'll be okay."

The man looked a bit more relieved but he was a shade of pale Blair thought impossible on the living and his eyes were rolling back as if to observe the angry sky above.

She heard the sirens in the distance and had never felt more exhausted or relieved. The responsibility that had been welling up inside of her began to dissipate. She held Harold's cold hand as the ambulance screamed to a halt at the corner of the road.

It was too late. Life was fucking cruel. His hand had relaxed and eyes closed in the peace of death. Blair refused to believe it as the paramedics surrounded her but her fingers that had been pressing her blazer into his bleeding artery no longer felt the disturbing pulse of his heart. He was gone.

"Please move out of the way miss."

Blair did as she was told and all she could find to say was to tell them his name was Harold and he had a daughter named Emily. She hated herself for not knowing his last name, this man and that event of his death would forever haunt her and she hated at that moment that he was just any old Harold to her. She felt he should have meant more to her than the awfulness of his passing.

She stood with the rest of the crowd and one older woman put her arms around Blair, she didn't feel it though. She was nauseas and the blood all over her hands seemed to affect them, they tingled, everything tingled and she clenched her fists as she began to lose feeling in her arms.

"Sweetheart you are awfully pale."

"I can't feel my arms."

It sounded so stupid when she said it out loud. She sat down on the street as her legs began to shake and tingle. What was happening to her? A paramedic crouched down to her when there was no longer anything to be done for Harold, he told her she was in shock.

"How do you feel?"

Blair would have laughed bitterly if her mouth didn't feel like sandpaper.

"How do you think I feel? I can't feel most of my body and I just watched someone die. I think overall this can count as the worst day of my life."

"There's not much we can do for shock but give you some water and calm you down."

"Calm me down? How do you plan on doing that when Harold's body is still in front of me."

Blair began to cry, she detested people who wept in public but she felt justified for being a blubbering mess. Luckily that seemed to unloosen her limbs somewhat to the point where she could attempt to walk unsteadily.

"I want to go."

The paramedic put his arm on her.

"Of course but we'll need your name and address so that the police can contact you for information."

"His name is Harold."

The paramedic smiled sympathetically, aware she had told him this about ten times.

"No wait his name was Harold. He's not Harold anymore."

She began to cry harder, reduced to feeling like a lost infant. She quickly gave the paramedic her details and allowed him to guide her towards a taxi.

Ten minutes later and she was walking unsteadily towards Chuck's suite. Her mother was at work and Serena was in Hawaii, she just wanted to collapse somewhere friendly where she wouldn't have to be alone with her thoughts. She vomited three times on her way up unfortunately for the janitor but it made her feel less stunned.

Chuck opened the door, took one look at her ashen and bloodied face and let her in.

"What's wrong?"

She fell on to the bed and began to cry again.

"What happened? Did someone hurt you?"

She didn't really want to live the ordeal all over again but she knew she couldn't lie in silence much longer so she told Chuck everything. As she told her story Chuck looked pained and got her a wet cloth to wipe her face with. He sat next to her and stroked her hair.

"His name was Harold, I don't even know his fucking last name so I can call his family. He has a daughter named Emily. His family, Christ he loved his family and now he's dead. I was the last person he ever saw or talked to. He died without anyone he loved around him and I'm the best he got."

"Hey you did the best you could, more than that considering. Life is unfair but you saw his killer, you can give him some fucking justice and that's more than most people get."

Blair nodded and sniffled.

"It makes the stuff between us seem so god damn trivial."

"Yes it does."

Blair leaned over and kissed him before getting up and taking off her skirt.

"What are you doing?"

Blair rolled her eyes.

"Like you don't know."

"Blair-"

"What? I never needed to ask for you to screw me before am I going to have to start now?"

"I just, this morning you hated me and I'm not saying it's not justified but doing this now after what you've been through isn't a good idea."

Blair stood in her underwear.

"Thank you for the belated consideration of my feelings but the best thing you can do for me is take off your pants."

Chuck sighed, he felt horrible for getting excited at the prospect, Blair taking charge and wanting to sleep with him was something he never thought he'd get again. He did as he was told and was naked from the waist down and already hard.

Blair took off her underwear too before lifting herself on to his erection and getting comfortable as held her waist and she linked her arms around his neck.

"I just want to feel connected to someone, to know I'm alive and fuck away horrible memories."

Chuck wondered if that meant anything had changed between them or if this was a day never to mention or think of again, to go back to the fighting. He loved Blair more than she would ever realise so he did hope that was what would happen if it would make her feel better. He'd rather be the punching bug of a feisty Blair than the shoulder of a crying one.

So they had silent, but passionate sex. Blair came to orgasm crying out and just crying. It made Chuck uncomfortable having such meaningful and morbid sex. He held her against him as she cried into his shoulder and wished all of it away for her. They rested with their foreheads together as they tried to gain steady breathing.

"I love you Blair."

"I know."

What a difference a day made. She still felt sick, young and broken, wanting a love she had never truly had before. Chuck was there to hug her, truly love her and never let her go. It took a tragedy for her to realise he was only human which meant he could hurt and love her like everyone else and that life was too short to fight over what meant nothing. He'd fight for her even if he'd made a mistake, that meant everything. All that meant anything to her at that moment though was being in Chuck's arms after the worst hour of her life.