Everything looks normal, but me? I know different.
This wasn't supposed to last forever, but I don't understand what went wrong. I mean there we were one minute, the same as always and the next? He was gone. It was like the world bottomed out from under me. I hadn't realized how much he'd meant to me till now. It seemed like we'd always been connected and that no matter where I turned he was always there. But now, when all the dust has settled and the sun has dawned again, there is an emptiness in me where he used to be. I am happy though, and I'm not sure I can put my finger on the real problem. But I am happy. Or, at least, I act happy. I can never truly be happy. I've seen too much, done too much, crossed too many lines for me to be happy and 'normal'. What is normal anyway? My friends carry on and live their lives as though everything is okay, but me? I know different.
I can see the scars on this life as though they were physical ruts in the earth. I see them in the way people look at me, as though I'm some kind of freak. Like I'm not human anymore, which I guess in some ways I'm not. I mean, who can be human with a gaping hole where your heart used to be? So, yeah, everything is great and fine, right? Yeah, but I know different.
Move on they say, but really? How do you replace your One? Mmm, if I close my eyes and breathe deeply I can still smell that scent that was totally him. Nothing else mattered when I smelled that scent. What was going on in the world around us faded away and it was just me and him, him and me. Yeah, I can really move on from that. Torturous time turns the seasons and gives me yet one more day of practicing at being okay. They begin to think I've moved on, but I know different.
I wonder if somewhere he's still out there, waiting for me the way I wait for him. It keeps me moving forward, lets me put one foot down in front of the other. Some days I can almost feel his arms wrapping around me, holding me close, but when I open my eyes, I know different.
"So, when are you gonna actually tell him that you're still here?" The voice asked walking behind me.
"I can't do anything until he can see me again. You know that." I answered, with more pain than I intended.
"Yeah. Like that's gonna happen." The voice sneered in disgust.
I sighed. If only they knew what I know. They think it can't be reversed. They think that he's lost forever. That he'll never come back to us. That we'll forever have to watch from the outside, unable to touch him, unable to interact with him, but me? Heh. I know different.