Disclaimer: Naruto belongs to Masashi Kishimoto. I'm not making any money of this and am playing with someone else's toys.
A/N: I have been dabbling in this fandom for a short while and got inspired watching Naruto Shippuuden Episode 82. Feedback is greatly appreciated. Flames will be used to warm my cold apartment.
She can't wrap her mind around Sai. It's not just that he's socially retarded, no, it's that he knows he's socially retarded and then tries to go about fixing that by reading books. It makes her want to slap her forehead and wipe the exasperated expression off her face.
Like when Sai joins her as she watches Naruto train.
He does that a lot these days. Every other day or so, when she's out there watching her friend with a new basket of soldier pills on her arm, Sai just pops up out of nowhere and starts a conversation.
She can't get her brain to make sense of that. She's asked Ino, Choji and even Lee if he did that to them too. They all looked at her as if she was crazy.
Sai is apparently picky who he chooses to try his new and not very improved social skills on. And Sakura has ended up being the lucky draw.
Great.
She doesn't get it.
He's so annoying. Well, most of the time he's so annoying.
But then he has his moments.
Like when he came out to the training field one day as she watched Naruto train and just made an umbrella for her with his ink-jutsu.
That was one moment where she almost, almost thought he could be human.
She doesn't think that very often. Watching Sai is like watching an android try to replicate human behavior. It's just not ever going to be natural. He's too precautious with his actions and reactions.
He's unpredictable, too. Like, one moment he will tell you that he wants to be friends and the next he turns around and insults you to the point that you can't help but turn around swinging.
And Sakura knows she's the last person who should turn around swinging when she doesn't mean it, but, damnit, she means it when he tells her she's got a fat ass or that her tits are miniscule.
Only his quick reflexes save him eight out of ten times when she tries to smash her fist in his face or stomach. But the two times they don't are really worth it.
Except they aren't, because the inner Sakura always feels horrible afterwards and reminds her that Sai just doesn't know better and he doesn't really mean to hurt her.
It's funny, in a way, how inner Sakura has changed over the years.
Back when Sakura was a genin, she used to be so afraid of everything. She was barely able to fight for herself and carried a terrible torch for Sasuke Uchiha. And when she wasn't able to get more than a few words out, inner Sakura was a raging storm, screaming and cursing, and egging her on to lay the smack down.
Now the situations are reversed. Sakura has matured on all levels and can fight as well as any other chuunin in the village. She's a trained medic-ninja and can help others when they get hurt in battle. Her strength is feared and respected.
On the inside, however, things look a lot different. There's the soft, squishy little girl she used to be who wants everyone to like her and carries a small torch for a guy that has long since left the village.
Well, she doesn't really think of that much anymore. She's too busy thinking of other things. And in her heart of hearts she knows that if Sasuke ever comes back, it won't be her he's coming back for.
Knowing that sucks, big time, but Sakura can live with it. It opens up her options in other directions.
Though, she won't tell anyone that she has started to let go of Sasuke. She doesn't want to encourage the wrong people. Lee, for example, or Naruto.
She loves Naruto, only, she loves him like a brother, not like someone she wants to go out on a date with and then end up in bed together, screwing each other's brains out until the sun comes up.
Oh yeah, she has that kind of dirty thoughts a lot lately. And, frighteningly, the date part doesn't even play a major role in the scenario. Neither does the love part.
What she wants is someone to get down and dirty with, to let go of all the inhibitions that keep getting in her way when she thinks of getting attached to someone.
Which is why she's trying to wrap her brain around Sai.
Sakura knows the boy has no inhibitions, which makes him the perfect candidate for the solution to her problem.
Unfortunately, she can't just walk up to him and say: 'Sai, I need to get laid, but I don't want a relationship. And you're an emotional retard who doesn't really get attached to people, so would you please follow me to my bedroom and fuck my brains out?'
A tiny part of her is morbidly curious what he would say if she did approach him like that. Probably nothing she really wants to hear.
The only thing she knows is that no matter how she will ask him, he won't laugh at her for it. Because Sai just doesn't laugh. Ever.
She's seen him with an honest smile once. One time, a single smile. That was when she handed him his little picture book back. It was also another one of those moments where you could almost, almost think he's human after all.
Otherwise, her collection of Sai related information features an array of fake smiles, an even longer list of insults involving sexual organs, and let's not forget the countless amount of pictures he paints that show as much life as your average petrified corpse.
That makes up for an infinite amount of android behavior versus a handful of instances of humanity.
So she's back at square one, trying and failing to wrap her brain around Sai.
It's not even his real name. Sai. At least, she doesn't think it's his real name. But that's assuming he even had a name before he was given the name Sai to infiltrate team 7.
Argh!
Something rustles in the bushes and Sakura is pulled out of her thoughts, kunai already in her hand and poised to strike.
A bunny comes hopping out of the underbrush. It's an ink bunny with a puffy tail and a bad case of buck teeth.
"Think of the devil," Sakura mutters and puts her kunai back into her pouch.
"What do you want, Sai?" She instinctively looks up into the trees, knowing that Sai won't appear from the same place the bunny came from.
The dark haired boy jumps down from a high branch and lands elegantly on his feet less than an arm's length away from her.
"Do I have to want something to see you?" He looks at her blankly as he dispels the jutsu and the bunny disappears in a spill of ink.
Sakura can feel a headache coming on already. "No, I guess you don't."
They stare at each other silently for a moment.
"What's with the bunny?" Sakura finally can't take the silent stare anymore.
Sai smiles at her. It's unnerving, that smile. It should be pleasant on his pretty face, but it's just disturbing because Sakura knows, she knows it's not real. It's as fake as a smiling cat face on an ANBU mask.
"You looked so deep in thought, I thought it was safer to send a lookout before I approach you."
Typical. This is exactly what she was just thinking about. He's too damn precautious in everything he does. Everyone else would just have come up and called out to her. But Sai had to use one of his fighting techniques.
"You could have just called out, you know?" She doesn't bother to hide her annoyance.
"I wouldn't want to risk a punch in the face."
Sakura is startled into a laugh. "That doesn't stop you when you insult me."
For a moment, his perfectly smooth face scrunches up in a frown. "Is that why you keep hitting me?"
Her teeth gnash together at the oblivious question. "No, I hit you because I really like it when you call me ugly." The sarcasm is positively dripping from her lips.
"Oh." His expression goes blank again. "Well, I will call you ugly more often then." And the sunny smile is back on his face.
Sakura snaps. It happens before she can stop it and her fist lashes out, chakra gathering inside it to aid the impact.
But then something happens that's never happened before.
Her fist connects with the palm of Sai's hand and he wraps his fingers around it and holds tight.
Sakura's jaw drops open as she stares at it, dumbfounded.
He's stopped her punch. Nobody can stop her punches.
"How did you do that?"
She knows she's still looking at him with eyes as big as dinner plates, but she can't help it, because he's stopped her punch.
And he's not even hurt from it. He's just standing there, smiling back at her with that benign expression on his face that makes her want to pull her fist back and try again.
"Now, that would be telling, wouldn't it? And telling secrets is not nice. I read that in a book."
His hand is still covering her fist and he's smiling at her and Sakura thinks that something is going to give, very soon.
"Give me my hand back." She jerks on her arm, trying to free herself from the grip, but Sai holds tight.
"Only, if you promise not to hit me when I say something nice."
"But you never say anything nice!" She sees red at the edges of her vision and she really wants to beat the crap out of Sai now.
That's when she remembers she has two hands and lashes out with her weaker arm to land a punch in Sai's gut.
The outcome is the same as the first time. Her second hand is now also caught in the tall boy's iron grip.
"But, you just said that you like it when I call you ugly. So, if you like it, that means it's something nice."
Sakura cries out in outrage and jerks on both her hands, trying to get away from him. "You can't really be that obtuse!"
"I don't understand."
At least the stupid smile is gone from his face now.
Sakura grimaces as she tries to get her hands free, but Sai is still holding on and she doesn't dare to try and kick him for fear of what would happen to her legs.
So she decides to use words as her weapon. "What kind of shitty ANBU are you? You can't even tell when someone is being sarcastic, which is the same as lying! And what the hell makes you think anyone would like being told they're ugly? Nobody wants to be called ugly, or fat, or flat-chested, or any of the things you say to people."
She takes a deep breath and leans forward, right in Sai's face. "You act like a fucking asshole around people and then you wonder why they don't like you when all you ever do is insult them and make fun of them in front of others."
With every word she picks up more steam and she likes the confused look on Sai's face. Scratch that, she loves it. She loves the twitch at the corners of his eyes and the tight line of his pale lips as he starts to comprehend what she's telling him.
"And what the fuck is wrong with you that you keep putting on that fake smile at the worst possible moments? How many times do you have to be fucking told that it's not working before you drop it? You don't even feel anything, do you? Because if you felt anything, you wouldn't smile like a fucking moron when somebody tells you they like hitting you when you call them ugly!"
She's on a roll now but, sadly, there's not much more to say because these are his issues in a nutshell and everything else is just an extension of the same.
"Just how fucked up are you, Sai?"
She looks at his face, her eyes flicking back and forth rapidly to take in all of his expression.
His eyes are downcast now and the fake smile is gone as if it has never been. Instead, his full lips are tightly pressed together and he looks even paler than he usually does.
Sakura pulls her hands from his faltering grip and steps away, putting some much needed space between them.
She doesn't have anything else to say, and seeing Sai like this: confused, hurt, almost human makes her want to beat a hasty retreat.
So, she steps back even more and turns around to leave him alone in the woods at the edge of the training field. She doesn't get very far though.
"Fucked up enough to like an ugly girl who'll hit me just as soon as talk to me."
The quiet words stop her dead in her tracks. She can feel the blood draining from her face and a cold shiver crawl up her spine.
He did not just say that.
"You did not just say that."
"I like you, Sakura."
Her eyes close and her shoulders sag as she hears the words.
"You don't even know what you're talking about." She doesn't want him to like her.
He was her number one candidate for fucking without bonds and now he's putting the kibosh on that once and for all with four simple words.
"Maybe, I don't." His voice sounds neutral again.
Sakura's face screws up in exasperation. "Then what the hell did you say it for?"
She spins around and crosses her arms over her chest, glaring at him. She really wants to hit him for looking so stupidly lost and confused. But she knows now that he can stop her so she's not going to go down that road again.
The fact that he actually looks lost and confused only registers after her murderous intent has passed.
It's almost too weird to believe. Sai looks really lost and confused. It's not at all like the blank expression he usually wears and it makes inner Sakura pop up and nag at her to do something about it.
What the hell is she supposed to do about it?
"Why do you think you like me?" The question is out of her mouth before her previous thought was finished.
Well, that's a start, she supposes.
He looks at her with furrowed brows and shrugs.
So much for a helpful answer from his side.
But then he straightens up and his expression changes. It's not the blank one he uses by default, but something close to it. It's a lot more intense though, with the way his eyes stare her down.
"You gave me my book back."
That is the most random reason he could have picked. She would tell him that, too, but he's already talking again.
"You made me think about naming my paintings."
Again, a random ass reason. She's now waiting for him to say something like 'You fixed my jacket collar when it got tangled up in the shoulder strap of my katana'.
She's only done that once, because it had annoyed the hell out of her to see the crunched up fabric with the tag hanging out. Sai just didn't seem to give a damn that he looked like an idiot like that.
His voice jerks her out of her thoughts with a different reason, though.
"You make me dream."
"Whu?" It's not an elegant question, or an eloquent one for that matter, but it gets the point across.
Sai's expression is still somber as he looks at her with those intense black eyes that seem to have no irises at all.
"You make me dream. For a while now, I've had dreams of you, and other things. But they're mostly of you."
Sakura rolls her eyes and shakes her head at him. "Just because you dream of me, it doesn't mean…"
"I didn't have dreams before."
"Whu?" Again with the not so elegant, not so eloquent question.
Sakura is completely baffled. It shouldn't have surprised her, but it does. Sai didn't dream? As in: he didn't dream at all?
And now he dreams of her? And other things?
"What other things?"
"Pardon?" Sai has no problem with being eloquent.
"You said you dream of me and other things. What other things?"
He shrugs again. "Colors, and my paintings. I hear music sometimes."
That sounds rather dull and boring to her, but she doesn't say that.
"And when you dream about me?" Curiosity killed the cat. It's a good thing she's not a cat.
Her jaw literally drops open when she sees a faint rose color appear on his pale cheekbones.
"Uhm." He casts his eyes down for a moment but then they're back on her and they're even more intense than before. "Those dreams involve my paintings too, sometimes. And also my penis and your vagina."
Sakura can't believe he put it that bluntly. Forget that, of course she can believe it. This is Sai she's getting answers from, not anyone with any sense of propriety.
Her brows draw together as she fights her annoyance with him and looses the battle. "My god, can't you go through a whole day without using the word penis?"
"What should I call it then?" He sounds entirely too innocent.
"Try not to talk about it at all!"
"But you asked!"
"I didn't think you'd dream about having sex with me!"
"What did you think I would dream about?"
"I don't know!"
Sakura huffs out a frustrated breath and combs her hair back with her fingers. This is way too weird. She's standing in the woods, having a conversation about Sai having wet dreams that feature her in a starring role.
"I just don't know," she repeats in a quiet voice as she stares at the floor.
They fall into silence and the only sound that fills the void between them is the occasional chirp of a bird or the rustling of the wind through the trees.
"So, do you think I like you?"
Sai's question startles another laugh out of her.
Does she think so? Oh, yes. He definitely likes her in some fucked up, Sai specific way that probably has nothing to do with the way any other person on this planet would like someone.
"Yeah, I think you do."
Silence returns for another long moment as Sakura tries to wrap her brain around this conversation.
"And do you like me?"
It's the question of the hour and Sakura really doesn't have a good answer at the ready.
Does she like Sai?
"You're annoying." She doesn't look at him as she says it. "You're a total social retard and you make me want to hit you almost every time I see you. And you barely act human, and when you do, you still don't get it right."
She licks her lips and shakes her head. "Why'd you make that umbrella for me?"
She turns her gaze on him and finds him looking at her questioningly.
"Over there, by the edge of the trees, when I was watching Naruto train and the rain was pouring down. I was feeling shitty, and then you used your jutsu to summon an umbrella and made me tell you how I really feel about Naruto and his training."
"Oh, that." He looks completely nonchalant now.
She grits her teeth. "Yes, that."
He shrugged. "You were cold and looked sad. And you look like a drowned rat when you're wet."
Sakura gets that twitch in her fist again, but she doesn't say anything just yet.
"I wanted to cheer you up and thought it would also help if you didn't get wet."
The realization sinks like a stone. Sai actually cares about her.
Underneath all his failed attempts at socializing, his awful behavior towards everyone who's ever met him, and his downright unhealthy fixation on sexual organs, there is still that glimpse of a real human being that comes to the surface in the oddest moments and in the weirdest ways.
"Sometimes." She says, finally.
"Sometimes, what?" Sai asks with an adorable confused look in his eyes.
"Sometimes I do like you."