Hello, everybody! This is the first fanfiction I've written in a long while. This will be a Watchtower Rule list in DC, somewhat based on "The 501st List" by I-Don't-Have-A-Name123. Go check it out!

At the request of Superman, all members of the Justice League, Teen Titans, and Young Justice (plus any anti-heroes such as Red Hood and Catwoman) are to obey these rules on the Watchtower. No exceptions. This means you, Batman.

1) The League is no longer allowed to place bets on which superhero should be paired with romantically. I think we all remember what happened when a certain somebody got on the list. I'm not going to list any names. – Superman (Kal-El/Clark Kent)

(Below this, someone scrawled the word "Batman" in parenthesis.)

2) Please do not try flirting with Supergirl. She may be young and pretty, but hitting on her is a good way to find your ass kicked from one side of the Watchtower to the other. Not to mention two weeks time in the brig. – Nightwing (Dick Grayson)

2a) She didn't seem to mind making out with you after giving a speech of being good teammates. – Kid Flash (Wally West)

2b) I was not flirting with her, so I at least didn't get a black eye like you, Wally. – Nightwing (Dick Grayson)

2c) How am I going to procreate with the Girl of Steel then? – Kid Flash (Wally West)

2d) It's probably for the best that you don't try bothering. By the way, don't you have at least three other girlfriends? – Nightwing (Dick Grayson)

(Superman was relieved when this rule came up.)

3) Going back to Rule #1 here, it is generally not a good idea to try to get Catwoman to kiss Batman, especially in the presence of Wonder Woman. – Red Hood (Jason Todd)

3a) Agreed, Jason. I still can't believe I was stupid enough to try to get a catfight between those two ladies. – Kid Flash (Wally West)

3b) Really, the destroyed hangar after the betting disaster wasn't enough to tip you off? – Robin (Tim Drake)

4) Never, under any circumstances, let Batman cook any meals on the Watchtower. Can't believe I was desperate enough for an Xbox One X. – Green Lantern (Hal Jordan)

(A few people were curious over Hal's sudden acquisition of the most powerful gaming console as of 2017. They aren't now.)

5) From now on, all Twilight novels and movies are banned from the Watchtower. I think this rule is self-explanatory. – Green Arrow (Oliver Queen)

(All were relieved when this rule appeared.)

6) Following the brawl between Hal Jordan and Guy Gardner regarding multiplayer in Call of Duty: Infinite Warfare, all public matches of multiplayer games are now banned. These include but are not limited to: Call of Duty, Injustice, Mortal Kombat, Marvel vs Capcom, Grand Theft Auto Online, Battlefield, Destiny, Titanfall, Overwatch, Halo, and Star Wars Battlefront. – Martian Manhunter (J'onn J'onzz/John Jones)

6a) I told you that we shouldn't have let Guy join the Justice League! – Green Lantern (Hal Jordan)

6b) I'm going to kick your ass next time! – Green Lantern (Guy Gardner)

(Those who were hoping for a petty jab at Infinite Warfare were quickly disappointed when it was revealed that they had fights after Battlefield 1 and Titanfall 2.)

7) Ordering personal requisitions for your personal quarters is fine, and frankly welcome, as we try to maintain a home away from home. Using my bank account to order a hot tub for you and your girlfriends to enjoy is not, Wally. You're severely testing my patience. Don't cross the line. – Batman (Bruce Wayne)

7a) Better yet, how the hell was he able to install it in his room? – Red Arrow (Roy Harper)

7b) I'm more curious over how he was able to get Jinx, Linda, and Artemis in the same room without them killing themselves. – Nightwing (Dick Grayson)

7c) Don't you have a love triangle of your own to solve? – Kid Flash (Wally West)

7d) He does have a point about Batgirl and Starfire. – Red Hood (Jason Todd)

7e) This isn't over. – Cyborg (Victor Stone)

(Batman put an end to the nonsense by blocking them from the rule list.)

8) Black Canary, I know you and Green Arrow are soulmates, but can you please regulate your screaming when the two of you are fornicating? – Martian Manhunter (J'onn J'onzz/John Jones)

8a) I don't know. I kind of like a pretty bird like her emitting sonic waves when she is- ow! That hurt! – Green Arrow (Oliver Queen)

8b) You don't need to tell people what our love-life is like. – Black Canary (Dinah Laurel Lance)

9) Playing music while off-duty is okay. However, rigging the loudspeakers to play Justin Bieber and/or Miley Cyrus music on a loop for six hours is not. I'm not even telling you fools the punishment. I'll let you imagine it. I promise you, though, it will be ten times worse. – Batman (Bruce Wayne)

(Batman's smile when he posted the rule was the second-scariest thing anyone had ever seen. His insane laughter was the first. For once, he actually managed to scare Wally.)

10) No pranking journalists by the names of Lois Lane or Vicki Vale when they are onboard for… interviews with Superman or Batman. That means you, Wally. I'm getting a little worried about you frankly. – Flash (Barry Allen)

(Wally took no heed to this warning, and tricked Vicki into making out with Batman while Wonder Woman was in the same room. Diana ended up breaking Wally's leg for a week.)

11) Following the multitude of incidents caused by one Kid Flash, I have decided with Kal-El and J'onn J'onzz to revoke Wally's sugar privileges, as he is already a nightmare for all of us without stimulants. Or is he? – Aquaman (Orin/Arthur Curry)

11a) Do not [EXPLETIVE DELETED] accuse me of supplying drugs to him! I've been off heroin for a long while, and I have not shown a need to re-enter rehabilitation. – Red Arrow (Roy Harper)

11b) At least you have permanently gotten off the drugs. – Green Arrow (Oliver Queen)

(Wally, showing a growing amount of stupidity, decided to seal his hoard of cookies, cake, and ice cream, from future inspections.)

12) I can't believe that I am saying this to Zatanna, of all people, but please do not send me any nude photos of yourself. I know we were more than "just friends" back in the day, but that time is over. Even if you want to rekindle that relationship, sending me pictures of yourself naked is certainly not the way to do so. I am curious, though, as to how you were able to put "I HEART Batman" on your chest. That was quite innovative. – Batman (Bruce Wayne)

12a) If you're really interested, you can see me in my quarters, tonight. – Zatanna

12b) Sorry, but no. Although, it would be amusing to see you and Diana to get in a catfight. – Batman (Bruce Wayne)

12c) More like the opportunity for you and Barry to catch Wally… masturbating watching us fight. – Zatanna

12d) I heard that! – Kid Flash (Wally West)

12e) Frankly, Wally, you deserve to get called out on your sexual addiction. You clearly need some help, man. You can get it here. We can help you. All you need to do is ask. – Red Arrow (Roy Harper)

13) Going back to Rule #5, additional movies that are banned include the following: the Transformers movies from the second film onwards (the first film is alright, but Revenge of the Fallen is an absolute crime against art. Dark of the Moon was somewhat of an improvement, but it was too little, too late. Plus Age of Extinction and The Last Knight? Forget it, there's no hope for Michael Bay anymore), ALL Fantastic Four movies (though the 2015 one makes the first two look like Oscar material by comparison), the third and fourth Superman films with Christopher Reeve (people who think that Superman killing Zod in Man of Steel ruined Superman obviously didn't watch these films), the Batman films with Val Kilmer and George Clooney (you're welcome, Bruce. At least people won't think of Batman v Superman: Dawn of Justice as your worst movie), The Star Wars Holiday Special (it makes The Phantom Menace look like Citizen Kane, tbh), the Alien vs Predator films (God, those films sucked), Dragonball Evolution (I'd sooner watch Transformers 2 than this crap. That is how bad Dragonball Evolution is), The Last Airbender (seriously, this movie shouldn't have even existed), Green Lantern (an awful representation of myself. At least Ryan Reynolds knows how to do Deadpool right. It only took him like seven years), Battleship (such an obvious Transformers rip-off, not even having Liam Neeson could save this dud), the G.I. Joe film series (except for maybe Retaliation, if only because of Dwayne Johnson and Bruce Willis), the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles franchise (though, at least I know that Bay wasn't behind the alien idea. In fact, he rejected that idea, probably from his experience with the Transformers movies), the remainder of Bay's filmography (except for The Rock, Armageddon, and 13 Hours), Alien 3 and Alien: Resurrection (Prometheus and Alien: Covenant are okay, thanks to Michael Fassbender), Rocky V (I can't even enjoy that [EXPLETIVE DELETED] in an ironic way), any Terminator films after Terminator 2: Judgment Day (not even the Governator could elevate Genysis), Star Trek V: The Final Frontier (honestly, any Star Trek film is better than Star Trek V), the 2016 Ghostbusters reboot (I refuse to explain why, because I don't want to cause an angry Internet rant thread here. If you're looking for that, look no further than the comments section of the Ghostbusters trailer on YouTube), Batman: The Killing Joke (at least until we can permanently remove the prologue. God, that sex scene created greater crimes against art than Michael Bay and the writers of Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen. Like how the [EXPLETIVE DELETED] did Bruce Timm manage to do that? Protection from editors, I guess. I guess we should be fortunate that Kevin Conroy and Mark Hamill give the same dignity to their characters as they always do), Battlefield Earth (Jesus, this is not how you use your momentum from Pulp Fiction, John Travolta!) and anything related to Fifty Shades of Grey (it's an even worse love story, if you can even call it a love story, than Twilight. Stop making these awful pornographic films disguised as dramas!) – Green Lantern (Hal Jordan)

14) This was briefly touched upon in Rule #12, but it bears repeating: contrary to what Batman believes, romantic relationships are okay. Sending nude photos or sex tapes between partners are not. Cyborg has intercepted at least a dozen obscene messages between Green Arrow and Black Canary, Question and Huntress, Nightwing and Starfire (rumors of a threesome involving them and Batgirl have been evidently disproved, thankfully), and disturbingly enough, Kid Flash with Linda Park, Artemis Crock, and Jinx. The private communications network has been disabled as a result of this. Fix the situation, now. – Red Hood (Jason Todd)

(Most of the League was surprisingly willing to abide by this rule, with the exception of, obviously, Wally. If anything, the amount of inappropriate content sent between him and his girlfriends increased as a result, much to the anger of Batman.)

15) Who the hell sabotaged the coffee machine in the cafeteria? The damn thing blew up in my fricking face! When I find out who did this, what Diana did to Kid Flash for tricking Miss Vale into making out with me will be nothing compared to what I shall do. NOTHING! – Batman (Bruce Wayne)

(No one would go near Batman for days, except for Diana. That certainly didn't help the rumors about the two.)

16) Related to private gaming, there has been a dramatic reduce in funds for video games due to a multitude of microtransactions being bought. First, I hate pay-to-win tactics. Second, Batman is going to be pissed when he finds out that Wally has been trolling him again. And third, the evil video game companies are going to profit from these [EXPLETIVE DELETED] loot boxes! No more microtransactions, OK, guys? We can't left industry juggernauts like Evil Associations- I mean, Electronic Arts from profiting from these pay to win tactics! – Green Lantern (Hal Jordan)

16a) Yes, that includes the stuff from WB, like Injustice 2 (Really, a fighting game with Superman as a villain? Clark is my best friend, for Christ's sake) and Middle-earth: Shadow of War (War chests in a primarily single player game? What are game publishers coming to?) – Batman (Bruce Wayne)

(Within the day, everyone had agreed to the ban of microtransactions, even Wally, oddly enough. Bruce and Barry are currently investigating Wally's motives.)

17) Following the arrival of the more level-headed John Stewart from the Green Lantern Corps, we are now allowing access to public multiplayer matches when you are playing video games in the Watchtower. Please do not make us revoke this privilege a second time. – Martian Manhunter (J'onn J'onzz/John Jones)

(Everyone, even the girls, were relieved then Rule #6 was finally revoked. Now Batman plays with Green Arrow, Superman, and Aquaman on Nazi Zombies in Call of Duty: WWII. Meanwhile, Hal and Guy have thankfully reached an agreement and truce on Halo 5: Guardians.)

18) Due to the sudden unexpected pregnancies of Linda Park, Artemis Crock, and Jinx, we are now issuing condoms to regulate sexual activity. I am hoping that this doesn't happen again, Wally West. – Batman (Bruce Wayne)

18a) Plus, during my study of humans, I have found that unprotected sex has often led to what your kind refer to as "Sexually Transmitted Diseases". – Martian Manhunter (J'onn J'onzz/John Jones)

(Wally was quick to hoard a supply of condoms, prompting a limit of how many can be issued per person.)

19) This rule really applies on missions, but you really need to stop sending me on missions with at least two females. Remember the potential cat fight I predicted between Wonder Woman and Zatanna? I am really glad that Kid Flash was not with us on this mission. – Batman (Bruce Wayne)

20) This is going to be the last rule for awhile, but I don't want Batgirl to organize a girl's group with Catwoman, Black Canary, and Huntress. Because I'm pretty sure that even though Dinah and Helena are in dedicated relationships, there is always the chance that a fight will break out between the three over romantic feelings for me. – Batman (Bruce Wayne)

20a) Sorry, boss. This will never happen again. At least, not under my control. – Batgirl (Barbara Gordon)

Phew. I hope this is better than any fanfiction I ever wrote before.