There was a table in a place called Rey Vash. A realm where God had imprisoned all the 'false' Gods before him. It was nothing. There was no up, no down, no right, no left. The pretentious bastard even made it so you couldn't move in diagonals. He covered all the bases. A never ending space of white. You could move your legs for as long as you'd like, you wouldn't get anywhere. They were all there. The Egyptian Gods, the Greek Gods, you name it, they were there.
And then there was Cthulhu. He was just unlucky, actually. The only reason God put him there is he was known better than the rest of the pantheon. HE WASN'T EVEN DANGEROUS! Of course, he would never admit that fact, but it was true. The others were far, far worse than him. But, on the flip side of the coin, he was also the luckiest. He was the only one with a physical body that remained on the world. His essence was ripped from the body and it was laid to a comatose like state in R'Lyeh. He woke up once, back in the day, but some fuckwit with a ship rammed him and put an end to that.
He was now sitting at a table speaking to Anubis and Hades about the finer points of followers. Nobody knew where the table came from.
"You need a church to gain power," Anubis was insisting "You have a church, you have followers, and they recruit. More worshippers equal more power"
"Not true." Hades cut in "I didn't have followers and I got on Olympus."
"The only reason you were on Olympus is Zeus is your younger brother" Anubis said
"You're both wrong," Cthulhu shouted cutting them off "My cult is the biggest one out there AND the best at recruiting members."
"Then why are you still here?" Hades asked
"Because, my cult is waiting until the stars are right to free me"
"In other words, they can't find him" Anubis whispered to Hades
"I HEARD THAT, YOU PRETENTIOUS BASTARD!" Cthulhu shouted
He was about to launch into a rant when a strange crackling sound, like someone threw pepper onto a hot stove, came behind them. All three turned at once and saw a swirling blue vortex behind them. All was quiet for a few minutes, until all three of them seemed to realize the same thing at once. It may be a way out. Anubis stood up and took off for the portal, Hades threw his chair at Anubis to stop him, succeeded and ran. Cthulhu jumped off his chair, onto the table, ran across it, jumped off and, using Hades' head as a push off, flung himself through the portal. And they laughed at him when he said he did track. When he made contact with it, it sucked him into a swirling blue tunnel. He looked at the swirling matter around him and saw a light at the end of the tunnel. He hoped that, this time, it really was a light at the end of the tunnel and not an oncoming train.
He took off for the light and entered it.
'Not a train,' he thought 'that's good.'
And he emerged into a small room that had shiny things in it.
'Annnnnd, I'm back to square one' he thought.
He had no idea where he was. Or what he was doing. He looked down and saw that he was nothing more than a mist.
'No body' he thought 'no body means no anchor for my powers. No anchor for my powers means I can't open a wormhole. No wormhole means I can't summon deep space matter to make myself a new body.'
He needed a new body to make a new body. It was a fucking quandary. Cthulhu never did like God's sense of humor. Bastard.
He wished he could still contact his cult. That is…if he even still had a cult. They'd been out of touch for a long, long time. Actually, he realized, even if, by some act of that bastard in the skies, he still had a cult, it'd be a bunch of pimply faced emo teenagers who cut on themselves so much, and lose so much blood, they have trouble lifting the t-shirts they buy at the Good-fuck-will store over their own goddamn heads in the morning, let alone go find a sunken city, get to it, open a crypt, and drag his body out of it.
'Cults just ain't what they used to be' he lamented as he examined the room he was in.
Then it hit him. Like a train. But, he seriously doubted that getting hit by a train would be this helpful in real life. All he needed to do was get enough energy to open a wormhole for the slightest time, pull a quick planet through and then he'd have a body. Sure, it'd be small, but he'd have an anchor and be able to open wormholes. But what could make such an amount of energy. He surveyed the room again. Nothing but a few bright shiny things, a small red box 'C4' and something that was silver and cylindrical that was lying next to a blue print labeled 'nuclear holocaust' written on it.
'DAMNIT!' he mentally shouted 'WHERE CAN I GET A BIG BANG FROM?'
Cthulhu abandoned his efforts in this lab and floated up into the first floor. He surveyed the room and found more of the shiny cylindrical objects all of them having different words on them. 'New York', 'Washington D.C', and 'Camp David' to name a few. Again, nothing that he could use to make an explosion of sufficient size to open a wormhole up. He coasted to the second floor only to find he was in a room surrounded by more of the silver cylinders. Again, nothing that could help him. He coasted to the next floor with the same results. Again and again he rose only to find more and more of the objects. Eventually, even a divine being loses patience and snaps. He focused his energy into a tangible hand, grabbed one of the cylinders and chucked it at the nearest wall, all the while screaming mentally to himself 'WHAT BLOWS UP ON THIS PLANET?'
Seconds later, he had his answer as the dirty bomb he hurled hit the wall, went off and triggered the other bombs in the building, making a glorious display of searing heat, ear shattering noise, and death. But, it was the prettiest damn death anyone has ever seen.
And, for the briefest second a wormhole ripped open. And Cthulhu pulled the smallest bit of cosmic matter through. It was only a few atoms at most, but it was all he needed. The cosmic matter out in the deepest reaches of space was pulled onto him, and his body began to reform. It didn't happen from his feet up, his head down, or his waist and go from there. The effect was instantaneous. The cosmic matter formed into a scaled down form of his body that lie in a deep sleep in R'Lyeh. His cosmic flesh returned and he flexed his newly reformed hands.
"I'm baaaaack" he announced to the magnificently deep crater that was the result of the simultaneous detonation of 45 dirty bombs.
A/N: Okay, I know that it's very likely that nobody here knows what Cthulhu looks like so I point you to the wiki:
http/en.
I didn't do a description of it because anything I can write won't do Lovecraft's descriptions nearly enough justice. So, read the wiki. And, for the record, scaled down means smaller.