Chapter 1
Minion Kevin sighed a heavy sigh as after his boss, Gru had decided to retire. He and his fellow minion brothering were out of a job and would have to find work.
He stood in the mirror with a long frown as he thick chubby fingers worked the "G" of his blue demin bib overalls. He looked upon the letter and gently placed it in a wooden keepsake box on his small dresser. The three foot tall minion then picked up a newspaper looking for work for not only himself but the hundreds of minions of his tribe. He tucked paper under his arm, then placed a taxi driver cap upon his rounded yellow head and headed out the door to find work.
He traveled the subway in New York City and emerged from the underground under the shadow of a large towering building called Stark Tower. He got many odd looks upon riding the subway car from a number of children but for the most part the adults simply ignored him or had mistaken him for a child wearing costume. He made his way up the steps and through the large shimmering glass doors of Stark Tower.
To a minion Stark Tower was an intimidating looking structure; it reached high into the sky with a menacing penthouse. He waddled to the front desk and looked up to asked where the interviews would be held.
"Bello, bello," he spoke pleasantly.
Behind the desk was a receptionist who wondered where that strange noise came from. She wore a blue jacket and matching skirt over a white blouse. Her dark hair was placed neatly in a bun and her makeup lightly applied. She pondered as she looked about. "Did anyone here a strange noise?"
"Bello, bello," Kevin tried to get her attention.
She slowly leaned forward and peered over the top of her desk down at the small minion standing before her smiling. She cocked an eyebrow and wondered what on earth she was looking at. "Um…Excuse me?"
"Bello, bi-do too da…Job!" he held up the paper.
She seemed rather shocked and asked, "You are here for a job?"
"Job," he pointed to the classified.
"Um," she arched her eyebrows in surprise. "Just a second." She then turned to her phone and lifted the receiver. "Yes, get my Miss Potts please." She looked back at the strange creature before her. She grit her teeth unsure what to do, "Miss Potts, could you come to the main entrance? There is something here for a job." She paused and slowly nodded, "Miss Potts, I do know what it is." She paused again, "It's about three feet tall, shaped kind of like barrel, and is yellow and is wearing clothes." She paused once more, "Thank you." She hung up the receiver and looked at the minion, "Um…Miss Potts will be right down Mister…"
"Kevin," he spoke his name.
"Kevin," she nodded with a wary smile.
"Tank yu," he cheered and tipped his hat in thanks. He waddled over to the nearby chair and hopped up to wait. He looked about as he waited. He spotted picture of Tony Stark on the walls. Full color posters of the Iron Man suit and to a minions such genius and glamour was ever so alluring.
Miss Pepper Potts walked off the elevator wearing her white business skirt and matching blouse. Her blonde hair was pulled back into a pony tail and her bangs hung down over her bright blue eyes. She looked upon the receptionist, "Where is this person you were describing?"
"His name is Kevin and he's over there," she pointed.
Pepper nodded and walked over towards the waiting area. She then came to an abrupt halt upon seeing the strange creature sitting on the chair. She took a deep breath, gathered her wits and approached him. "Kevin," she smiled unsure.
"Bello," he cheerfully replied. He stood up from his seat and began to make his case. "Bello ya to de-da, job!"
Pepper only understood one word the minion spoke, "Job!"
He held up the wanted ads, "Job!"
She didn't know what she was dealing with but Kevin was so unusual she decided she needed to show him to Tony. "Right this way…Kevin."
He handed her a business card, "Cardo."
She took of the offering, "You have a business card" She read it off, "Minion, Kevin - Union President." She wondered, "You're in a Union?"
He nodded gleefully for to a minion all minions were the union.
"Okay then," she shook baffled. "Right this way, Kevin."
Kevin followed her into the elevator and watched as she pushed the button and turned a special key. The elevator started up to the very top of Stark Tower. When the doors slid open to reveal a magnificent penthouse with a cocktail bar and computers he knew he must be in the presence of an evil genius that he and other minions would love to serve. He followed Pepper off the lift and into Tony Stark's private lair.
Tony stood at his computer terminal with an ear piece mounted on his right ear. He wore a dark blue pair of trousers and matching long sleeve pull over jersey shirt. He had his back to Pepper and Kevin.
"Yeah, I got that." he rolled his eyes. He paused, "I'll let ya know on that, Fury." he disconnected the call and turned swiftly around and smiled at his live-in girlfriend, "Pepper!" He then noticed something was odd for there was a small yellow being standing beside her. He cocked his head to the side and assumed, "Kids out trick-or-treating kind of early this year."
"This is Kevin," she introduced him. "He's a…"she glanced at the card, "the President of the Minions. Here's his card."
Baffled Tony took the card and looked at the little minion, "You're name is Kevin!"
"Bello," Kevin cheered. He then pointed to the full size cardboard cutout of the Iron Man suit that Tony had on display, "Iron Man!"
"That's right," he grinned. "I'm Iron Man. And you are a…Um…Minion?"
"Minion," he nodded and stuck out his think hand.
In awkward fashion Tony shook his hand and noted he only had three fingers. "So, where are you from? Another planet!"
"Po-ka?" he asked confused. Why would a minion be from another planet when he was around long before humans?
"Not from another planet," he gathered gritting his teeth.
"Poop," he shook his head.
"Poop," Tony cocked an eyebrow. "Jarvis, what is this thing?"
The computer replied, "A minion."
"Yeah, I got that part. Where is it from?" he barked.
"I do not know its origins," Jarvis stated. "Folklore indicates Minions existed in ancient times."
"Si," he agreed.
"Yes," Tony made a face. "You just said yes in Spanish."
"Espanola," Kevin cheered.
"Why is it here?" he wondered.
"Job!" Kevin pointed to the ads.
"You want a job?" he asked unbelieving.
"Si," he nodded. He pointed to cards, "Minions jobs."
Pepper spoke softly, "I think he said there are more of them."
"Seriously?" Tony asked. He puckered in thought for he had never seen such a creature before. He turned swiftly and stated, "You're hired."
Pepper balked, "Tony we don't even this thing is!"
He held up the card to her, "He's a Minion! Says so right on the card." He walked closer to her as Kevin was overcome with joy. "Pepper," he kept his voice low. "This thing is the find of the century. And if there is a whole bunch more…"
"You are planning your next big media blitz," she gathered.
Tony turned halfway about and looked upon Kevin. He covered his mouth with his hand so Kevin wouldn't hear, "Look at it. It's what three foot tall, real round and yellow. It's wearing a cute little uniform. Has those huge eyes and is wearing goggles. Did you notice the hands? He's only got three thick little fingers. Pepper, this thing is awesome."
Pepper spoke aloud, "Jarvis what do Minions do according to folklore?"
"They do the bidding of an evil master," the computer replied.
She threw a smirk at Tony, "I would say they are perfect for you."
"Funny," he miffed.
Later
Kevin had placed a call to his fellow minions to come to New York for their new job in Stark Enterprises. Tony simply wanted to run testing on the minions and then disclose them to the world with the fanfare and glory of the next big find. Kevin on the other hand thought Tony was an evil master and he and his fellow minions had found the new boss.
Tony set up workers quarters and an old factory under Stark Tower to keep them busy and asked they simply come in for physicals. They didn't realize it was all a sham and Tony wanted the minions and not a following of minions to do his bidding. He wanted to keep the minions under wraps but had a desire to show off his newest find. He brought in Bruce Banner to help decode the minion gene which was the most oddity of all.
Tony and Pepper greeted Bruce at the door of the elevator in Stark Tower weeks after Kevin had first appeared on Tony's doorstep looking for a job. The doctor wore tan trousers and a red flannel shirt. He smiled at Pepper and then smirked at Tony, "You called?"
"This way," Tony waved for him to follow them onto the private elevator. As the doors closed Tony began to speak. "Four weeks ago this thing called a minion showed up asking for a job."
"A minion?" he asked amused.
Tony held up his ipad and brought up a picture, "This is the little guy. His name is Kevin and he's their leader."
Bruce looked at the picture, "What is that thing?"
Pepper spoke, "He's a minion! There are five hundred minions. That's Kevin! They have names and little personalities. Kevin is a sweetheart." Needless to say Pepper grew rather found of the minions in last four weeks as she helped care for them. She really didn't like Tony's plans to expose them to the world for she felt like they were being used.
"Minions? Five hundred of these things?" he gulped. The elevator came to a stop and door slid open to reveal and factory setting using old equipment from decades ago. It appeared to a bomb factory at first sight. "Tony?" he cocked an eyebrow concerned. Then he gasped upon seeing little yellow creatures running about working on making bombs. They sported hard hats, goggles and denim bib overalls with an "S" in the center.
"Don't worry," he assured him. "It's all empty shells. They just think they are making bombs."
"Where did you get these things?" he asked alarmed.
"They came to me," he shrugged.
Pepper added, "Their old evil master retired." She laughed, "Tony is their new evil master."
"Are you serious?" he gasped in amazement.
Kevin and his friends, Stuart and Bob spotted their favorite human standing overhead and watching them toil away.
Kevin cheered, "Pepper!"
Bruce grew wide eyed, "They talk too?"
Tony admitted, "Most of the time I have no idea what they are saying. Pepper is getting the hang of it though."
Pepper stated, "They have their own language and I'm just starting to learn it now." She then spoke to Kevin, "Bello Kevin, Bob and Stuart."
Bob, a minion of only two and a half foot tall and very round melted in her presence, "Bello Pepper! Meow, meow." It was rather obvious that Bob had developed a crush on Pepper.
Kevin threw him a look, "Baboy!"
Pepper understood what he said and shook her finger, "Bob is not a loser, Kevin."
Stuart giggled, "He-he-he."
Kevin rolled his eyes and noticed the time. A whistle went out and all minions stopped working and went for lunch.
Bruce stood and asked, "Where are they going?"
"It's lunch time," Pepper told him. "They love bananas."
Bob then held up a banana to Pepper as an offering, "Ba na na!"
Kevin rolled his eyes again, "Looka too!" He then started making kissing faces at his friend.
Bob then turned around and hit Kevin with a right hook.
Kevin landed on his rear and his friends laughed at him.
"Butt," Stuart giggled.
Bruce tried very hard to keep a straight face but he found the minions to be hilarious.
Pepper chastised them, "Now, Bob, Stuart and Kevin. You three behave yourselves. That's no way to act in front of company."
Tony whispered, "Pepper is kind of their den mother."
"I see that," he replied. "So, you want me to do what?"
"Check out the DNA samples," he told him.
"Interesting?" he asked.
He candidly spoke, "I don't guys can die. I think they are immortal. They don't age. And I think they are older than the hills."
"Seriously?" he gasped.
"SHIELD would love to get their hands on my minions," Tony insisted.
Bruce patted his shoulder upon witnessing the events, "Right now…I would say they are Pepper's minions."
After Lunch
Kevin was called in for his physical next but this time Bruce would be his attending physician. The minion went to a large exam room after eating his fruit fill lunch and Bruce watched as he climbed up on the large exam table.
Bruce stood in a lab coat and noticed, "He's remarkably flexible."
Tony was also present for the physical and nodded, "They all are. They can climb, swing, stand on each other…I saw them make a bridge using their bodies."
"Really?" he looked at Kevin surprised. "Can you remove your overalls, gloves and boots, Kevin?"
The minion complied and sat naked with just his goggles on.
Bruce added, "And the eyewear."
Kevin complied and sat on the edge of the table swinging his bare feet. The first note Bruce made was a minion only had three long toes on his feet. The next note was a minion had no visible reproductive organs.
"How do you know what gender it is?" he wondered.
Tony stated, "They have no gender that I can tell. But they all act male. They also use male names and as you have seen, they like human women."
"DNA?" he asked.
"Nothing like I have seen before," he sighed.
Bruce looked over Kevin's hands and then took a stethoscope and placed it against the minion's rounded chest. He listened, "Breath deep."
Kevin found the physical funny and took a deep breath and then let out a huge fart. He sat giggling to himself.
Bruce looked up and held his breath, "You did that on purpose." he waved the air, "Holy!"
Tony admitted, "When these little guys pass gas it's like a bomb went off. I got to get them to fart in front of Steve's face sometime."
Bruce cocked an eye, "I'm sure Steve will love that."
"Steve?" Kevin asked. He waved to the door, "Steve to da binky."
Bruce looked at Tony, "What did he say?"
"I think there is a minion named Steve." he gathered.
"Ah," Bruce nodded but wasn't paying attention.
Kevin had taken the end of the stethoscope and placed it in his mouth.
Bruce stated, "Spit that out!" He felt like he was dealing with a small child.
Kevin spat out the instrument that was now full of sticky minion spit.
The Doctor rolled his eyes and handed it to Tony, "Clean this."
Tony took the mess with a sour face and placed the it aside to gather samples off of.
Bruce then started to palpate the minion's soft belly.
Kevin tried not to laugh but he couldn't help it for it tickled. The minion started to laugh and laugh as Bruce tried to conduct the physical. He rolled over uncontrollably.
"Could you stop it?" he asked annoyed.
Kevin sat back up and swallowed his humor.
Bruce then took a small triangle shaped hammer to do a nerve test. He felt the tube like leg for knee and lightly whacked just below the knee cap. Kevin didn't react so he whacked it harder. Again the minion did not react. So Bruce hit the nerve harder and that time Kevin's leg flung up and hit Bruce right in the groin.
"Son of a…" he sneered.
Tony eased him, "Easy Bruce. Don't get mad. They all have delayed nerve function."
"Thanks for the warning," he huffed.
Kevin pleaded, "Ditto."
Bruce asked, "What did he say?"
Tony shrugged, "I don't know. Sorry!"
"Ditto," Bruce huffed.