After six months of grueling battle with beasts that the average mortal would have trouble imagining without wetting themselves, Link had finally reached Princess Zelda, and freed her from her tower prison.
Well, not quite, he'd slain the last dungeon boss, then killed it again for the sake of thoroughness. Then he'd unlocked said tower prison. She wasn't out yet, so he wasn't sure she was technically freed.
"Sooo, Zelly.." He grinned, leaning forward in a particularly suggestive manner.
The princess guffawed.
"HA! You honestly think I'd love a gangly, awkward, clumsy, pathetic lump of flesh like you that probably got this far on dumb luck alone?!" She scoffed.
"..yeah."
"You're SADLY mistaken, for my one and only love forever and always..."
The princess paused dramatically, turning away, towards the wall.
"...TOAD!"
She ripped away the large, puffy front of her dress, and whirled around. Link was rather dissapointed for about ten seconds, then just plain disturbed.
"...You wear a Toad t-shirt under your dress?"
"I don't even take it off to shower!" She beamed.
"Well...uh.." The hero paused, fumbling.
"I'M DESPERATELY IN LOVE WITH BOWSER!" He cried, flailing his arms pathetically.
"...wouldn't that be kinda...awkward..?"
"All I need is my heeeeart!"
"Hah, sure, mr. 'I'll casually-'accidentally'-grope-you-whilst-unlocking-the-window-bars."
"Oh shut up."
"I don't think you-"
At that moment, Ganondorf himself appeared in the tower room. Link did a double-take and cowered behind a baffled Zelda. Moments later, an obese, moustached man in a flowing wedding dress appeared.
"..didn't I kill you already?"
"Pah! I'm beyond such petty things! I've found true love with Eggy-diddlums here!"
"...YOU'RE MARRYING A SEGA CHARACTER?!"
Ganondorf leaned forward, pressing a finger to his lips.
"SHHH. My sunny-side up sweetling isn't exactly...over-easy about that."
Zelda grimaced.
"Oh for the love of Nayru don't start with the egg puns."
At that moment, a loud bang and a brilliant, blinding flash of yellow light filled the increasingly crowded tower room. Link shrieked like a girl, ducking behind Zelda yet again.
As the smoke exploded into glitter, which then faded slowly as it fell, a pair of figures came into view.
After their vision cleared, the inhabitants of the room saw Impa, arms linked with Princess Peach, standing by one of the windows.
"..."
"..."
After a few seconds, Zelda hitched up her skirts and leapt out a window, shrieking.
"AUUUUUUUGHHH-"
SPLASH.
"OH DIN! OH DIN OH DIN OH DIN THERE'S GATORS! THEY'RE TRYING TO SELL ME SPORTS DRIiiinks..."
"...Well gee, that was awkward." Impa murmered, leaning out the window and watching as Zelda desperately beat away a swarm of reptiles with her high heels.
"No shit, sherlock." Link rolled his eyes.
---------------
A/N: And thus ends Chapter Uno. 8D Disturbed yet? Don't worry, there's more. Much, muuuch more...:3
Hurr. Poor Zelly.
Well, not quite, he'd slain the last dungeon boss, then killed it again for the sake of thoroughness. Then he'd unlocked said tower prison. She wasn't out yet, so he wasn't sure she was technically freed.
"Sooo, Zelly.." He grinned, leaning forward in a particularly suggestive manner.
The princess guffawed.
"HA! You honestly think I'd love a gangly, awkward, clumsy, pathetic lump of flesh like you that probably got this far on dumb luck alone?!" She scoffed.
"..yeah."
"You're SADLY mistaken, for my one and only love forever and always..."
The princess paused dramatically, turning away, towards the wall.
"...TOAD!"
She ripped away the large, puffy front of her dress, and whirled around. Link was rather dissapointed for about ten seconds, then just plain disturbed.
"...You wear a Toad t-shirt under your dress?"
"I don't even take it off to shower!" She beamed.
"Well...uh.." The hero paused, fumbling.
"I'M DESPERATELY IN LOVE WITH BOWSER!" He cried, flailing his arms pathetically.
"...wouldn't that be kinda...awkward..?"
"All I need is my heeeeart!"
"Hah, sure, mr. 'I'll casually-'accidentally'-grope-you-whilst-unlocking-the-window-bars."
"Oh shut up."
"I don't think you-"
At that moment, Ganondorf himself appeared in the tower room. Link did a double-take and cowered behind a baffled Zelda. Moments later, an obese, moustached man in a flowing wedding dress appeared.
"..didn't I kill you already?"
"Pah! I'm beyond such petty things! I've found true love with Eggy-diddlums here!"
"...YOU'RE MARRYING A SEGA CHARACTER?!"
Ganondorf leaned forward, pressing a finger to his lips.
"SHHH. My sunny-side up sweetling isn't exactly...over-easy about that."
Zelda grimaced.
"Oh for the love of Nayru don't start with the egg puns."
At that moment, a loud bang and a brilliant, blinding flash of yellow light filled the increasingly crowded tower room. Link shrieked like a girl, ducking behind Zelda yet again.
As the smoke exploded into glitter, which then faded slowly as it fell, a pair of figures came into view.
After their vision cleared, the inhabitants of the room saw Impa, arms linked with Princess Peach, standing by one of the windows.
"..."
"..."
After a few seconds, Zelda hitched up her skirts and leapt out a window, shrieking.
"AUUUUUUUGHHH-"
SPLASH.
"OH DIN! OH DIN OH DIN OH DIN THERE'S GATORS! THEY'RE TRYING TO SELL ME SPORTS DRIiiinks..."
"...Well gee, that was awkward." Impa murmered, leaning out the window and watching as Zelda desperately beat away a swarm of reptiles with her high heels.
"No shit, sherlock." Link rolled his eyes.
---------------
A/N: And thus ends Chapter Uno. 8D Disturbed yet? Don't worry, there's more. Much, muuuch more...:3
Hurr. Poor Zelly.