Title: Sidelines
Author: randomicicle
Archive: IJ
Rating: R
Pairing/Main Character: Draco Malfoy/Blaise Zabini
Warnings: Slash M/M. Some spoilers.
Length: 1100 words. One-shot.
Time Period: Post-Hogwarts.
Summary: They'd been doing it for such a long time that Blaise couldn't say no to Draco anymore. Even if it hurt so much.
Disclaimer: Don't own any character.

Sidelines

by randomicicle

He knew it was wrong. But he had been doing it for so long that he couldn't say no this time. When the blur of pale hair grabbed his arm and pulled him into that dark room, he didn´t even try to struggle.

It was Christmas. Theo and Pansy and all their friends were in the living room, chatting and laughing and being happy as one normally did at this time of the year. But he wasn't. He could say he was actually in pain if the pleasure coursing through his veins weren´t so strong it was numbing his mind and making him forget about that annoying burn on his palms and chest. The walls of Malfoy Manor were incredibly rough for such an elegant structure.

"Here, put on you clothes now."

Blaise grabbed his things and turned around, leaning on the wall. Still rough, even if now it was his back and not his chest against it. He made a note to himself, for he hadn't felt his or his partners' coming.

"Didn't you hear me?"

This was the not so nice part of their little rendez-vouz. Draco would treat him like a cheap whore and he wouldn't be able to say anything because, well, he actually felt like one.

And still, there was a part of him that wanted to scream at the blond and ask him if he couldn't see how much it all hurt. Of course, he had never done it. Draco's wife was also his friend and he knew Draco would never, ever, leave her or their precious son. Especially now that Scorpius was so near to entering Hogwarts and Draco was oh-so-proud of his perfect family portrait.

No, they'd never be together.

And Blaise wasn't so sure if he wanted Draco all to himself. Best friends or not, they had never been able to spend a whole summer in each other's company before being at each other's throats. They just weren't compatible that way.

Still, Blaise wouldn't mind a little bit of respect and gentleness on his friend's part. He wasn't asking for cuddling, just... if he didn't know better, the only thing missing on the picture was Draco opening his wallet and throwing some galleons at his feet. If he was even worth that much.

"Blaise? Something wrong?"

What could he say? 'Yes, Draco, everything's wrong' didn't seem like the right answer, so he wouldn't say it. He did felt bad though. And dirty. It was the first time he actually felt guilty of their little secret and it had been five years already.

"Draco..."

The blond looked up at him as if he was surprised to see Blaise was an actual person. And Blaise realized it was the first time the blond looked at his face. In the whole time.

"Don't you bloody care?" Blaise hissed without really intending to pour his thoughts out. "I'm not your whore. I'm your friend. After fucking me through the wall, I expect at least something more than such a-" but he stopped talking when Draco did something totally unexpected.

Blaise knew he wasn't crazy because he felt arms around him. He felt the weight of the other man pressing him against the rough wall and the warmth from the other body heating up his cold torso. What he couldn't really know was why. Why was Draco doing this now.

"Please, don't cry," he heard his friend's muffled voice somemwhere over his shoulder. "Stop crying."

And just then he realized he had tears rolling down his cheeks.

Blaise clunged to Draco as the blond clung to him. And they stayed like that for a long time, that could have been just a few minutes in real time. Blaise knew he was mumbling incoherencies and knew that Draco understood some of them because he would put more pressure on his head whenever his sobbing became stronger. When it was time to let go, Draco kissed him softly, caressing his cheeks with his thumbs, holding him with a warm hand on his waist. Blaise could feel his heartbeat thumping on his ears.

"Please, don't be mad," the blond whispered. "I love you. I'd die without you. You're my brother, Blaise, and I don't want you to hate me. I'm sorry if this've been hurting you. I didn't mean to. Is just that... just..."

Draco stopped and inhaled deeply. Then held Blaise's head, locking eyes with him. Blaise knew he would cry himself to sleep that night.

"I've got Scorpius to think of. And I love my wife. As much as I love you. It's just that... you were always saying how much you loved being alone. And I had to carry on my name and... there were so many things that made us start this relationship too late.

The times I had you in my arms were as precious as the moments with my son. You two are my world. But he's a kid and I'm married. If you want this to stop-"

"No!" whispered Blaise desperately.

"Blaise," murmured Draco with a soothing voice, "I can't give you more than this. And I act so rudely afterwards because I'm dying to stay and make love to you over and over again. Please, understand me."

Blaise couldn't. But it didn't matter. Draco had made his decision and, objectively, it was the right one. It was the best for everyone, except for Blaise. And Draco was right, he loved being free. Just because he didn't know the possibility of a relationship with Draco was open before, didn't mean it would make him happier to have him all to himself. And even knowing all this, it still hurt.

He held his tears and gathered what was left of his dignity. He smiled, a sad little smile that seem to lighten Draco's heart. They hugged once and separated. It was as big of a good-bye as they were going to have. Blaise averted his eyes to the floor and felt Draco moving towards the door. But as soon as he was next to him, he grabbed his head and pulled him into a fierce and -very brief- kiss.

Then, Blaise was left on the dark room with his lips burning and his heart aching. And the tears falling from his heart made him realize how much he really loved his friend and how he was going to stay by his side, even if it meant not caring how beautiful it was their family portrait when he was only on the sidelines.

The end


All comments will be welcomed, if they're either constructive or relevant. No flames, please.
Thanks for reading.
Wednesday, October 22th, 2008