Water and Alcohol
By hye-kyo
Disclaimer: I wanted to write something more off-key and unromantic like A Name, but I was listening to Ed Sheeran (I am now officially a Sheerio!) and I can't help but write something tooth-decaying. So here's what I came up. I am still looking for my muse by the way, if she can't be found then perhaps I need a new one. Let me channel Angela Carter.
Read and Review!
Title: Water and Alcohol
Rating: K+
It was the first time he came home drunk. He was good with his alcohol; and he was good at avoiding drinking too much. She had known he can manoeuvre Sano into thinking he was drinking every drop he was offered. She had never seen him this sluggish, except perhaps when Sano had to carry him back from Mount Hiei; but that was different, he had lost a lot of blood then, and a lot more hope.
She wondered what was bothering him. He began acting peculiar a fortnight ago (she had not really known when it was exactly, and what it was actually, only she tried going back through the past events and could conclude that it was probably around two weeks ago when he began acting quite uncharacteristically); there were instances when he would just sit on the engawa for hours (if he was not doing anything, for if he was doing something he would suddenly halt and stay wherever he stopped), his unfocused eyes somewhere far and that no matter how much she talked and asked he would not really notice her sitting beside him all the time. She was so close to announcing she was leaving Tokyo just to rouse him from his self-induced hypnosis. Or to faking something like abducting herself. But she knew how much that would shake him and she was not that cruel, but there were days when she felt so annoyed at his sudden spacing out, and many a time she had pulled at the ends of his hair just to express her exasperation.
It had been three years since Sano left and Yahiko moved into one of the row houses, three years after Yukishiro Enishi's revenge. It had been three years and three years before today she thought he had gotten his answer—he had won his fight after all and did not Tomoe smile for him already?—but three years in numbers seemed short compared to how she felt it pass by, quiet, alone and a little more lonely. Sano kept writing letters and Yahiko usually came for morning and afternoon practice sessions and those were helpful at keeping the loneliness at bay, but those were never enough for her loneliness was a different kind; hers was not something she could slake with just being with some people.
Earlier this week, Sano dropped in unannounced (the second time since he suddenly disappeared) and threw a feast at the dojo. He left the following day saying he would be staying somewhere near and that he would be dropping in every now and then to drag Kenshin to some gambling den or to some drinking place and that they should not speak any word of his appearance to anyone (not yet, he said, not until the case against him is resolved). Yesterday he came and tossed her a bulky package wrapped in paper, just before he gave Kenshin a look that puzzled her, for her birthday last month, and for future use, with future seeming to not be too far, he had said referring to the package and she unwrapped it just as she lost sight of his back from where she was sitting on the engawa. It was an uchikake. It was made of silk, heavily brocaded, the base was red in color with gold and white cranes. It was beautiful. It was expensive! And it is used for weddings! She wondered how Sano could have afforded something like that (he better hope this was not from some fishy undertakings or she would pummel him to some chthonic space). As to why Sano would give her something to be used with a wedding kimono she does not really comprehend.
"I apologize Kaoru-dono," Kenshin whispered as he stepped into the threshold, one hand pressed against the wooden gate as he tried to regain his balance. The tips of his ears were red and there were beads of sweat on his forehead. She promptly guided him inside the dojo, one arm around his waist to support his weight.
"Where's Sano?" she asked to which he replied some wordless murmurs. She guided one of his arms to lean against her shoulder. She walked him slowly to his room, kicked open his futon and laid him down, his arm around her shoulder eventually bringing her down as well.
His eyes were closed, his breathing even. She found herself smiling, the heat from his palm on her shoulder seeping into her body, warming her cheeks. She rested her chin on his chest and whispered, "I'll get you some water to drink".
"Hn," he replied, his grip on her shoulder slackening.
She stood up slowly, straightening the futon around him, pulling the ends of the futon tangled on his feet. "Aren't you going to change your clothes?"
He forced open one eye which quickly dropped close and drifted off again.
"I'll be back," she said and stood up, sauntered off into the kitchen and fetched a cup of water along with a basin of warm water and a washcloth. Closing the sliding door behind her as she stepped back into his room, she settled the basin beside the lit lantern. "Here," she roused him from sleep, placing the cup between his lips. "Drink."
He obeyed, his eyes still closed. "I apologize Kaoru-dono," he repeated, allowing her to slip his gi off his shoulders. He felt the slide of washcloth on his face.
"I'll kill that Sano when I see him," she dragged the damp washcloth down his neck, his chest; her cheeks dusted a light pink at the sight of him. She cleared her throat and moved a little away from the lantern, hoping to hide her blushes in the dark. She was not a little girl anymore, and each stroke of her washcloth on his skin made her flush even more. She knew of course how physically close she was to him now and every contact of her skin on his sent her heart slamming into her ribcage, her sensory perceptions magnified in the dark, in the lack of din such that her ears buzzed with some heady sort of exhilaration at being this close.
"Don't do that to Sano Kaoru-dono," he raised one arm sluggishly as she rounded the washcloth on his elbows. "This one is very much grateful to him".
She gave a non-committal sound and proceeded to wipe his fingers.
"I was bothered," he suddenly said which stopped her from her ministrations. She waited for him to continue but he did not. It occurred to her suddenly that it was the first time he initiated a conversation regarding things that were bothersome to him. She did not really believe it was because he was unselfish, thinking that if he does so he would only bother them with his whininess, rather she thinks that it was because he lacks the proper words to express his feelings. Like how he seemed to be struggling with words tonight.
"With what Kenshin?" she urged, running the washcloth in circles around his forearm, savouring the humming in her body. "You can tell me. Maybe I can help."
"No Kaoru-dono," he whispered, "Sano said only I can do this." He tried to sit up and began tugging loose the knots of his hakama.
She immediately turned, the light pink on her cheeks turning into a bright red, "I'll get you a fresh yukata," and began rummaging through his things for an unused yukata. Finding one, she stretched her arm behind her and offered it to him.
His movements were slow and she caught, from the corner of her eye, the sight of him almost tumbling back on the futon. "Mou, Kenshin," she said exasperatedly, momentarily forgetting his state of semi-undress and smoothed the bunching mattress.
"I apologize Kaoru-dono," he made sweeping motions on the mattress, smoothing it out clumsily. "I apologize."
"Stop apologizing," she scolded him and furrowed her brows at the sloppily tied knot of his sleepwear. She tied it more securely, momentarily forgetting the intimacy of her gestures, of the newness of the sensations. She pulled the collars together, sighing as he seemed to drift into a state of semi-consciousness.
"Sano said," he cleared his throat, his voice even lower so that she had to lean in closer to hear him, "That I should apologize."
"Of course he said so," she said feigning annoyance, "Sano forced you to drink after all."
"He made me realize things…things that I should have done before," he continued, not hearing her, "Three years was a very long time", the light from the lantern casting shadows on his face.
"K-Kenshin?" her brows furrowed, the meaning of three years not lost on her.
"And when Tsunan got drunk and you wiped him with a washcloth and changed his clothes and looked after him two weeks ago," he took a breath and turned to one side, his back to her, "I was bothered."
"Kenshin?" she tapped him lightly on the shoulder, forcing him to wake up. What was he talking about? Of course she remembered when Tsunan got drunk and almost passed out in front of the dojo on his way back to his house. She brought him inside and wiped him with a washcloth and let him borrow one of her father's yukata. He was very apologetic the following morning and even sent some food from the Akabeko. But what was Kenshin talking about? And to mention the three years that they have been living together (looking like husband and wife to an outsider)! "Kenshin? Kenshin, why were you bothered?"
"Hmm," he breathed in deeply. Kaoru pulled him rather forcefully and he succumbed and turned to face her. His eyes were closed, his mouth in a little frown.
"Are you asleep now?" She touched the ends of his hair and leaning in closer she whispered, "Why were you bothered?"
"Hmm?" he forced his eyes open, drowsiness too heavy to ignore. "Hmm…I told Sano I was bothered by that and he told me to…"
"To what?" There was a hitch in her breath and she felt something loosening inside her and her heart was almost in her throat.
"Hmm...Get drunk. He said I was jealous," he closed his eyes again, "I was."
"You were?" she swallowed hard.
"Hn, so I got drunk." And he smiled, "It was not exclusive anymore, you tending to Tsunan."
Her eyes widened slowly and she almost laughed. "Yes, it was not exclusive anymore."
"Yes, Sano said that it will not be after I get drunk."
She was smiling. "So you were jealous because I looked after Tsunan?"
"Hn," he reached out blindly and felt for her hand and pulled her sluggishly, "I was bothered. You should not do that to other men…no matter how nice you are." She let herself be pulled, one arm wrapping around her forearm and she was soon half lying on his futon. "Just to me. Sano said I should be a little selfish so I wouldn't be bothered."
She was smiling, her heart swelling in her chest, threatening to swallow her whole, to cut her open and turn her inside out and swallow her whole, to pour from within and drown her and swallow her whole. She was falling in love all over again.
"And that, three years is long enough."
She nodded, there was a coil growing tighter and tighter in her chest and she felt it snap free, uncoiling and recoiling in the most forceful of fashions, stinging her eyes. "Yes, it was long enough."
"So I apologize." He forced his eyes open again and looked at her with half-lidded, sleep-heavy ones. His mouth drawled when he said the next words, "Sano said the next time we would get drunk should be at my wedding with Kaoru-dono," he smiled, his free hand finding hers, his fingers curling around hers, "I agreed." And he closed his eyes with some sort of finality, his grip on her forearm slackening, his breathing heavy. He was finally asleep.
"I would have to think," she whispered, fitting herself beside him, her eyes like a new spring upon groundbreaking, "About punishing Sano then."
A/n: So what do you think?