Hi ! Here you finally got the translation of "HOOK, LA DOUCHE ET TAHITI".
A big thank you to ILoveThemAllEqually who helped with the trad, by the way you should read her story "He had it coming" it's quite fun really !
Anyway please let me know if there are still mistakes, English is not our first language after all.
Disclaimer : I don't own Once Upon A Time's characters.
Enjoy !
"HOOK" Called Emma.
"Yes Love ?" Asked Killian absorbed by this wonderful little magic black box, a screen if he remembered well.
"Go take a shower, you need it." She reproached him, her hands on her hips.
"... A shower Love ? What's that ?" Asked the pirate with a lost look.
"Seriously ? It's to wash your body." She said with amusement.
"Well I can assure you that I washed myself into the lake three days ago, darling. I can't be cleaner than I already am !" Replied the captain, offended that the princess could think that he had no hygiene.
"... Three days ?! No wonder why you stink !" Emma grimaced, "I do not know how it works in Neverland, on your boat or in other worlds, but here, it's one shower per day minimum !"
"A shower everyday ? Who wants to wash themselves every day ?" He asked incredulously.
"Civilized people." She replied without missing a beat.
"What are you insinuating love ?" He asked in an offended tone.
"If you do not, you won't have anything to eat !" She threatened, while returning to the kitchen to check on the cooking of the roast.
Faced with the threat of the blonde princess, Killian decided to comply and get his revenge later. He knew it was useless to talk to the blonde, she would really put her threat into execution.
Out on the balcony, after undressing and having left his clothes on the couch, he stretched out his arms towards the sky and breathed deeply.
"TAAAHITIII!" He intoned in a loud voice that was heard throughout the neighborhood.
Under the gaze of stunned passers, Hook maintained his pose while wondering when it would arrive. After a minute, arms still outstretched towards the sky, he tried again with more force.
...
Seeing that nothing ever came, he exclaimed :
"EMMA !"
"In heaven's name, what is it now Hook ?!" Exclaimed an exasperated Emma when she arrived in the lounge.
"Emma ! Why is it not working ?" He asked annoyed.
"What... BLOODY HELL KILLIAN WHAT ARE YOU DOING NAKED ON THE BALCONY ?!" She yelled shocked.
"What am I "doing naked" Love ? But I try to get washed as you wanted !" He answered on the defensive, and irritated by the laughter and murmurs of people who continued to stare.
"And where have you seen that we get washed out on a balcony ?" She asked him incredulously, throwing him a towel so he could cover himself up.
"But in the little black box ! Naked People raised their arms towards the sky and shouted "Tahiti", just as I did if I may add, and the rain fell from the sky, and they get washed with what Young Henry told me is a magic soap ! So I knew I had to go outside to invoke rain and magic soap." Continued to explain the Captain, who still didn't see what he did wrong, so it doesn't work like in the "advertising", under the gaze ever more bewildered of Emma.
Hook still didn't understand why he had failed to invoke rain. As the stubborn pirate he was, he decided to retry it, but more discreetly this time. Meanwhile it got dark, he opened the window of the balcony after ensuring that Emma hadn't yet returned from the police station. Sure that nobody was in the street, he get out on the balcony and felt the wind hit his naked body, making his muscles contracting. Rising his arms again to the sky, with a determined look, he exclaimed :
"TAAAHIAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARGH !" He was cut off in his tracks by lightning who fell on his hook, acting as an electrical conductor.
Emma, who was behind the door when it happened, rushed to the window and saw the poor pirate convulsing on the floor with his hair straightened on his head.
"Gods Killian ! What did you do this time ?" She asked aghast.
Still convulsing on the floor with spams, the electrical captain swore to never trust again the wicked magic box that was obviously evil. He suspected that damn crocodile to be behind it, after all he did not imagine Emma letting the young Henry in the presence of this diabolical and deceptive nuisance if there was any danger...
Review ?
For those not familiar with the advertising, watch it on the net "Tahiti shower gel" should do it :)