Baking fun with Akatsuki.
Disclaimer: I don't own the Akatsuki or anything ok?
A/N: I was so bored I thought I'd write a oneshot for no particular reason. I did this partly because I've got writers block for my other 2 stories and because I needed to write, I just felt I had to lol! I hope you like this! It's totally random and I don't mean to be bashing characters in this cause I love the Akatsuki. So funny hee hee!!! Yes anyway enjoy and sorry for any spelling, grammer or plain writing mistakes. It's gone half 10 at night and I have college 2morrow so I should probs go to sleep haha!
It was a very boring day in the hidden base of the Akatsuki, and as the day cooled into afternoon, a TV commercial appeared that gave the members a wondrous idea. It went something like this:
"Are you bored?" The members all stared at the screen and nodded.
"Uhuh" They all chorused (well apart from Itachi who went 'hn')
"Want something fun to do?" Again with the nodding and the 'hn'. The commercial continued.
"Then you should make a cake!" The members nodded then blinked.
"Wha?" Itachi's brow furrowed in confusion.
"That's right, make a cake. Most people think baking a cake is hard work, but that's not true. With our amazing cake mix, making a cake becomes so much easier. All you need to do is get the ingredients needed, (which are shown on the back of the box), and follow our step-by-step guide, (also on back of box) and add our special mix. It's simple and easy as pie… speaking of which…" The T.V screen went black as Pein turned off the T.V. Kisame turned to him.
"We should do that! It sounds like fun!" Deidara and Tobi nodded.
"It's as if that advert was put on specially for us!" Tobi said dreamily. He turned to Zetsu.
"What do you think Zetsu-san?" Zetsu turned to the others, half a dog sticking out of his mouth. Tobi and Deidara screamed and fainted. Zetsu blinked and said something inaudible, it sounded like 'mmm hotdog' but no one could be too sure with Zetsu. The rest of the Akatsuki members blinked and all agreed that making a cake would be fun. Zetsu blinked, still not understanding what everyone was going on about. Kisame was watching him; he turned to look at him and the shark –like man moved closer to him. The two were silent for a moment until Kisame spoke again.
"Are you gonna eat that?" He pointed at the dog.
After this, the team began digging through the cupboards of their kitchen. They were surprised and also slightly suspicious to find a packet of the 'special' cake mix. Then in turns they each took a look at the back of the box, starting with Pein of course. One by one it was passed along the line of the Akatsuki, it reached Konan, she took a long look at it, nodded and then passed it to Itachi. Everyone turned to look at her in surprise, she raised an eyebrow.
"What? Just because I'm a woman doesn't mean I can cook! Stop being so damn sexist!" The men all looked slightly uncomfortable, if not slightly embarrassed. Itachi sighed and looked at the box, he shook his head.
"You're all pathetic. That or you can't read. Now listen to what I tell you. Kisame go get flour, Pein, with all due respect, the sugar, Hidan the butter, Kakazu the eggs…" this continued until he had read all the instructions. While the others were doing as he said he quickly pulled out some cocoa powder from a cupboard and placed it on the counter. Tobi ran over and placed a giant mixing bowl down next to the cocoa He beamed up at Itachi (well Itachi supposed he was doing this, it's pretty hard to tell what was going on underneath the mask).
"Itachi-san. Tobi is a good boy yes?" Itachi shrugged.
"Sure, why not…" One by one the ingredients were placed beside the bowl. Then suddenly random ingredients, some of which would not be suitable to put into a cake, began appearing. Itachi frowned and picked up what seemed to be the arm of a puppet, he turned to Sasori and glared.
"What the hell is this doing here?" Sasori grinned.
"Well the packet did say, why not try adding your favourite things, and you know I love puppets so it seemed the obvious choice…" Itachi threw the puppet arm at Sasori, who dodged quickly. Itachi turned back and stared at the menagerie of items before him. They were:
A fish - Kisame.
A tub of ice cream – Deidara.
Sausages – Zetsu (although he seemed to have disappeared…).
The puppet arm and also some spaghetti – Sasori.
Those weird flowers made of icing – Konan.
Some sherbet straws and other sugary items – Tobi.
Some cherry and other fruity goods, mainly strawberries – Kakazu (When asked his answer was that he wanted to make them into hearts and other organ shapes…).
A pack of cookies – Pein.
And several pots of coffee – Hidan.
Itachi glanced at these items before knocking them all off the counter. Leaving only his cocoa powder. The other members gasped at his actions and questioned them. He sighed.
"Simple answer – Most of these things do not belong in cakes! In my opinion anyway! We're just going to make a simple chocolate cake… maybe we can add those horrid little flower things onto it later…" Konan smirked and stuck her tongue out at the boys, they all looked hurt as she danced around the kitchen.
"'Tachi-kun loves me the most, me the most, me the mosty most!" Itachi shook his head at her infantile nature. He quickly pulled out a set of scales, a mixing spoon and other various implements used for cake making. The others stood, watching as he masterfully began to mix the ingredients together, finally putting in the 'special' cake mix. He then quickly popped the mixture into two cake trays and proceeded to place them in the oven. Then came the issue of the mixing bowl and who got to lick it clean. Itachi was holding it and the others were watching him like cats eyeing a bird. He sighed and put the bowl on the table, not wishing to be crushed by them. He walked out of the room, as there was a sudden chorus of 'MINE' and the sounds of people jumping and trying to kill one another to get something.
He sat on the sofa and watched as Zetsu wandered over to a potted plant. He came to a stop before the plant and held out his hand, resting on his palm was one of Pein's chocolate chip cookies. Itachi blinked as the tall man/ plant began talking to said potted plant.
"I founded you this cookie, I thought you may like it. I like it. It tastes good. Do you like-" His voice suddenly changed.
"Let me try! I'm the smooth talking one! Hey plant baby, here's a cookie for… for…" Silence for a moment, followed suddenly by the sound of someone munching on a cookie. Silence again, at which point Itachi felt compelled to speak.
"Zetsu, I know you're trying to be all sweet and everything to that plant… but it isn't going to respond to you. Not all plants walk around, talk and eat many random things like you, I'm sorry but that's the truth…" Zetsu sighed and then mooched off into his room.
After a few more minutes there was a beeping from the oven. Itachi got up and went into the kitchen. He found the Akatsuki members, covered in chocolate and sitting in front of the oven, they're eyes bright and excited as they each sucked on a chocolate covered spoon. Itachi sighed. I swear sometimes it feels like I'm looking after children with these people! They're supposed to be some of the best ninja out there! People fear them, but I know they would fall to the floor laughing if they saw them at this moment! He picked up some oven gloves and opened the door. He took out the cake tins and rested them on a wire rack to cool. The tops of the others heads appeared next to Itachi. He glanced down.
"No it's not ready yet, go get cleaned up!" The others quickly raced off, each fighting to be the first in the bathroom. Itachi took advantage of this moment of peace and quickly took the cake halves out of their tins and placed them back on the rack to cool.
After 10 minutes he returned, the others were at the table, each holding a fork or spoon. Itachi quickly made the filling and topping. He then placed a few of the distasteful flowers onto a small portion of the cake for Konan. After all if he didn't then she would have screamed the hideout down. He took the cake over to the table and set it down. Kisame pulled out Samheda but Itachi stopped him.
"No, we cut it normally, with this normal knife, no giant shaving swords, and nothing else like threads or a giant weird scythe!" Hidan, Kakezu and Kisame all hung their heads, looking thoroughly depressed. Itachi cut the cake into 10 equal pieces and handed one to each member on a plate. Well apart from Zetsu who was still in his room. The members dug in, the once clean table was soon covered in cake crumbs from the members. Itachi declined a piece.
Kisame was then volunteered to take the cake to Zetsu and he did so grudgingly. He knocked and upon hearing no answer, entered. He found Zetsu hunched over his desk. Walking over he placed the cake down.
"For you! It's really nice!" Zetsu looked up, hanging out the corner of his mouth was what looked like a squirrel Kisame blinked in surprise and grinned his sharp-toothed grin.
"Are you gonna finish that?"
So the Akatsuki had their cake and ate it too. Each complimenting Itachi on his wonderful cooking skills. That was until later on in the night when they all ended up throwing up and contracting food poisoning (non serious). Itachi was surprised, his cooking was excellent, and no one had ever contracted food poisoning from it before. He wandered into the kitchen and glanced around, seeing his piece of cake still there. He cut into it and mooshed it up into little pieces, that was when he found it. A small slice of what seemed to be… raw chicken. He quickly threw the cake into the bin and rushed to find Zetsu, the only other member not to have contracted food poisoning. He found Zetsu talking to another plant. He quickly cornered the Venus flytrap man.
"Zetsu! When and how did you get that raw chicken into the cake? More importantly why?" Zetsu grinned.
"When you turned your back on the mixing bowl at one point, I slipped it in because the cake had no flavour. Did none of you like it?" Itachi stared wide-eyed at Zetsu. Damn him! He could have done it so easily as well. Itachi growled.
"No we didn't! Everyone apart from you and me has food poisoning and because you're the one who caused it! You get to clean it up until I can abduct a medic ninja who can sort them out!" And he threw a bucket and mop at Zetsu before marching off.
In conclusion. Itachi found a medic ninja, got them to sort the others out and then left them medic to 'play' with Zetsu. And from then on no one ever took their eyes off their cooking. Just in case.
A/N: Yes terrible I know but as I said I needed to write and I know it's basically babbling. I love Zetsu he's sho cute! And it's fun making the evil criminals act like children and stuff hee hee! I hope you enjoyed! Reviews are most welcome but please try to refrain from flaming.