This tale followes Shirou Emiyeah and he's a pretty awesome dude. The town he lives in is Fuyuki City. Due to certain circumstances which I'm too lazy to type out the warriors from a Holy Grail War he fought in are now happily living in Fuyuki and just trying to make a living. He lives in a huge Japanese style house with a bunch of girls who are all after his cock, though he suspects it's just to keep their magical energy at top capacity.

Shirou spends his days cooking for the freeloaders in his house, going to school, and getting himself into various shenanigans with the strange new members of the town.

Saber was Shirou's partner in the war. She stuck around because she liked his cooking so much. She mostly spends her time watching the food channel on TV or meditating in the dojo which is next to Shirou's house. Because of certain things that happened when Saber gets angry she undergoes a certain transformation. Her normal blonde hair becomes pale, and her skin even paler. Her clothes magically change to black and her attitude changes from that of a chivalrous knight to a glutton of everything from food to sex. When she gets like this Shirou often ends up in handcuffs while she violates him in whatever way she pleases, though he doesn't really mind that too much.

Rider was the partner of a friend of Shiro's, Matou Sakura. These two lovely girls live at his place as well. Sakura has been after his sweet sweet magical energy longer than anyone else. Sakura has a brother who Shirou go to school with, but he's a dick so I'm not going to go into that. Sakura's inasnely beautiful partner in the war was Rider. Tall, long violet hair, and a great body. Rider's beauty is only offset by her quiet demeanor and love for books and booze.

Archer lives with the local school's idol Tohsaka Rin. The two of them were partners in the war and Archer sticks around because he apparently doesn't have anything better to do. He's a future version of Shirou and he's a cynical jackass who doesn't hesitate to point out what is wrong with everything. He's tried to kill Shirou on more than once occasion, but since he's the protagonist he can't die and end up slapping his shit all the time. Though Rin also likes to slap his shit just because she's an angry person who hates technology.

Lancer is a suave dude who belongs to the priest of the local church by the name of Caren Ortensia. Caren loves to torment people and make them cry. When not doing random things for Caren, Lancer wanders around doing whatever it is he feels like, which means he hits on any girl he sees. He mostly spends his time around the pier fishing, smoking, and drinking. His specialties include being a generally awesome motherfucker and a bro. By awesome motherfucker, I mean he's awesome and will probably try to fuck your mom.

Caster and Assassin live at the Ryuudo Temple. Caster happens to be married to one of Shirou's teachers, and from what he can tell she's a very affectionate waifu even though she hates Shirou's guts. Caster is actually a very beautiful women although she for some unexplained reason has pointed ears like an elf or something. Assassin isn't important, so we can leave him out.

Berseker and Ilya live in a huge castle in a forest outside town. Ilya is older than Shirou, but because she's a homonculus she looks like she's about 10. Which is great news for all the lolicons out there. Berserker is a big block of muscle about 9 feet tall and doesn't say shit. These days he acts as Ilya's watchdog and protects for forest and the castle inside it.

There are a bunch of other characters, but I don't feel like writing any more of this introduction crap. You know who all these people are, and if you don't shame on you. On with the show.

Shirou wakes up in the morning, throws the sheets off of his bed and rapes his maids until they begin to cry just like he does every morning... wait a sec. Wrong protagonist.

Ahem. For real this time I swear.

Shirou's eyes open up to find someone else in his futon sleeping on top of him. Sakura's eyes were still closed and she was breathing evenly. How exactly did it end up like this? He couldn't remember, the last thing he could remember is having a few drinks with Rider and Fuji-nee. After that things got a little blurry, Shirou may have done something with a lampshade and Rin used her Kaleidostick for something it probably shouldn't be used for.

"Aw shit... my head." He groans and rubs his forehead.

"Mmm..." Sakura made a noise and shifted around a little. He lifts up the sheets a little and realizes that she was naked.

"Oh what the fuck is this?"

"Mmm. Senpai?" She woke up slowly and smiled at Shirou.

It took him a little bit by surprise. He was actually kind of hoping he could slip away without her noticing. But the more he thought about it... the more he didn't want to leave. It kinda felt nice. "M-Morning Sakura." He sputters in embarassment.

Sakura beams at Shirou. "That was amazing." She twirled the tip of her finger in a circle on his chest.

"WHAT WAS!" He exclaims in his confusion.

He scrambles out of his futon, thankfully Shirou was fully clothed. That was when he noticed it, shouldn't Sakura's clothes be in here too? "Um, Sakura... where are your clothes?"

Sakura shrugged and rested her chin on her palm. "Dunno." She grinned. She certainly seemed happy in this particular situation.

"God dammit. Just stay here alright? Saber is going to castrate me if she finds out about this." Shirou quickly throws on a pair of jeans and a t-shirt and slides open the door to the hallway.

"What must I not find out about Shirou?" The door opened to Saber's face. She had been standing right outside, probably going to drop in and see if Shirou was awake. Her room was only right next door.

"N-nothing. Nothing at all. Sakura is certainly not naked and very satisfied in my room." Telling Saber a very convincing like he acts quick and pushes her back while he quickly shut his door before Saber could look inside.

"Shirou it happened again. I woke up this morning with these strange things in my room..." Saber sounded a bit worried.

"Strange things?"

"Yes. Things like whips and handcuffs... I do not wish to say any more." She sounded embarassed. It was kind of cute. Saber must have turned black last night and went nuts. Shirou couldn't remember if she'd done anything to him or not, but the way things were going it was a distinct possibility.

"Yeah, that's real unfortunate." Shirou has his own problems to deal with right now. Saber is only like that for awhile after she finds out she went black, she'll go back to normal in a couple hours.

Shirou goes into the bathroom and takes a shower. Maybe Rider would be the person to talk to. She was the one that was giving everyone booze, her tolerance seemed pretty good and she was almost never hung over. If anyone knew what happened it was her. Another option would be to just forget anything and go do something else.