All I wanted was somebody to love me.

Since a very young age I understood that nobody loved me, my parents made that very clear. The constant stream of abuse I got from them was horrid. I'd be lying if I said I miss them. You hear of how no matter what your parents do to you, you can't hate them. That is an absolute lie because some people don't deserve forgiveness.

That is except my brother. I miss my brother as much as a single person could miss another. There is not a day that goes by that I don't want him back. Even though he started such a great fire that burned so much down he did it all for me. However, I want him back for my selfish reasons I want him back so I can have someone to love me again.

Then there was Claude, I never had someone do everything I said, and I'll admit I enjoyed it to the fullest. Although I knew he did not love me and never had it was nice to pretend like he did. Some nights if I squinted hard enough I could almost see love and adoration on his face. It was such a great feeling even though I knew I would be reminded the only reason he was there was to eat my soul for good in my nightmares.

Then there was Hannah, at first, I didn't care for her much she was just another person that I could hit when I was too mad. Then I found out that she loved me, that she had my brother, and we could all be one happy family. It sounded perfect almost too perfect, but I didn't question it. Maybe this wasn't what I truly wanted. Maybe I wanted something else. I didn't know anymore, but I signed the contract anyone because nothing else is close to giving me happiness. The feeling of not knowing and ignorance does feel good

Then finally comes you, Ciel. Maybe it was nothing then a petty school boy crush. Maybe it was mixing up feelings honestly I don't know. But I can't deny the skip in my heart when you spoke to me. I was jealous that I wasn't good enough compared to you. More than anything though I was upset because I knew I would never be good enough for you. You had everything I ever wanted. Yes, your parents are dead, but yet all of your servants adore you. As well as you have a pretty girl that you can rely on to be there for you.

Maybe I wasn't just having a laugh when I dressed up as a girl. Maybe that was my sick way of just getting a little taste of something I know I can't have. Maybe my feelings towards you were nothing but my sick way of wanting love from someone. After all, if I were to get some form of love why not the boy everyone else seemed to love.

All I know is that here we are sitting back to back waiting for the end of the game. The game to finish it all. I'll be back with my brother, and you'll be a demon. Perhaps as time fades on you'll be nothing but a distant memory a what could have been. Or maybe you'll always be in the back of my mind as a regret while I pretend to be happy with my brother like the selfish idiot I am.

So Ciel Phantomhive I wave goodbye to you with my final bits of my soul because honestly I think I'm done with the Earth for now. Perhaps I'll see you again even though I somehow doubt it. After all, we do have an eternity to bump into each other again, don't we?