a/n: Just so that there's no confusion, this is my story. I don't know what my password is for the other loginname so I had to create a new one. This was Love, The Sruggle. My old login was acbl.

Chapter 1

"James Potter you arrogant little jackass, get the hell out of the girl's dormitory. Nobody wants you in here," Lily Evans barked at him as he startled her when she came out of the bathroom simply in a towel.

"Evans, you should be more careful of how you come out of the bathroom dressed," snickered James as he made sure of looking her over from top to bottom. If he had ever wished he had x-ray vision, now was the time!

"I shouldn't have to worry about how I come out dressed considering it's my dorm room," she shouted. She slowly regained her calmness that she never has around James Potter. "Listen," she laughed, "This is so stupid, you are in my dorm, now let go get out of this towel, then we can talk rationally." She knew James wasn't gonna settle for that, he loved to see her when she was mad. She remembered the one time him telling her, "Lily, argue with me all the time because you're so hot when you do it. Never stop!" That comment had made her sick to her stomach. So, ever since that day, she has tried very hard to keep cool with him, this way it makes him mad and he's so cute when he's pissed off. Hell he's cute every time I see him.

"Alright Evans, as much as I wanna see you take that towel off, I guess I'm gonna have to go with the fact that you're gonna go change, then you're gonna come out here and end up taking your clothes back off again." He smiled.

The smile she had been wearing had now left her face, "And what exactly is that supposed to mean?"

"Nothing. Nothing at all. If you really wanna find out what I mean, then go get dressed, or you can stand there and keep arguing with me, either way I'm getting to see a whole lot of skin." He loved when he did this to her, because no matter what, she always made him smile.

She saw the smile flash across his face. No matter how much she hated him, she couldn't fight the fact that she was in love with his smile. That was the smile caused her to fall off the train in first year. But his personality was what made her get up and slap him. It was now 7th year, and he still made her weak in the knees whenever he smiled at her, then make her wanna turn around and slap him. I don't think he'll ever change!

Finally after she stood there with a dazed look on her face for a few minutes, James started to get worried. Lily was never one to freeze at a comment made about her, was she okay?

"Lily," he said. Her eyes trailed up his body with a seductive look in them. "Are you okay?" His voice was shaky. She was now really scaring him, she had never before had that look in her eyes. What is she trying to do?

Lily couldn't help but smile to herself. James was talking about seeing me in a towel. What would he think if I was standing in front of him with nothing on. What would he do? Lily had her own little plan working inside her head.

She walked over to James, his face in astonishment, and slowly slid her hands up his chest, and held him around the neck. She could see the look on his face that he had gotten great pleasure from that, but she wasn't gonna let it show, that she truly was enjoying it too.

The look in her eyes went from scary to sweet and innocent. She knew exactly what she as doing to toy with him.

"James you wanted to see more skin, didn't you," she asked with a shy and timid voice.

He was now pinned against the wall by Lily. He didn't know what to say. He didn't know what she was doing. This wasn't the normal Lily Evans, this was like psycho Lily. He liked it!

"Uumm… well I did… but now I don't think it's such a good idea," he stuttered out.

"Well, I do," she said as she released the towel from around her. The towel fell to the ground around her ankles. She pushed her body up against his.

He wanted to look down at her, but he didn't. "What are you doing Evans?" he couldn't resist any longer, he wrapped his arms around her and pulled her even closer to his body.

"The same thing that you are Potter." She smiled and put her arms around his neck once again. She kissed him. He kissed her back. They both greatly enjoyed it, each of them could tell.

James wasn't exactly sure what was going on. He liked it, and had wanted it for the last few years, but Lily had made it quite evident that it was the last thing she wanted. So why all of a sudden was it happening?

He pulled away. "Lily, stop, what are you doing?"

She wasn't sure what she was doing, but she was definitely enjoying it. "James, stop fighting it, please. I want this, and I know you do, too." She kissed him again and unbuttoned the front of his shirt.

He was tired of trying to fight it. "You're right," he said through kissing her, "You're so right." She pulled away just enough for him to see the smile flash across her face. He smiled back and they continued kissing.

Things were getting hotter in the dormitory. Thank God everyone else was at Hogsmeade that day. If anybody had ever walked in and saw this, she'd never be able to go into the Great Hall again.

James was now only in boxers. They were laying on her bed. She knew she was never going to be able to stop now. She was going to lose her virginity to James Potter, tonight. She didn't wanna stop, yet another part of her did.

As all of this was going through her mind, she felt James slide his hand all the way down her body. He slowly, but with great force spread her legs apart. He then slowly slid his finger into her. She let out a huge groan. He smiled. She then slid his boxers to his ankles. This is going to be it.

He picked his head up and looked at her, his eyes were glossy looking. He opened his mouth to say something, but she quickly put her hand over his mouth. He kissed her hand making her quickly pull it away. He said in a quiet, sincere voice, "Are you sure you wanna do this?"

She once again smiled, "Yes, I'm sure!"

He slowly dropped his body between her legs. Slowly, she felt him move inside her. It hurt her so bad, but she wasn't gonna cry, he was being so gentle with her. Maybe he really does care… meaning that I was wrong… he really wanted me… he cares bout me… I didn't know what I was getting myself into.

They laid still, motionless for over an hour. They didn't even wanna look at each other.

"Lily, are you okay," James finally said.

She rolled over so that she was facing him, looked into his hazel eyes, and said, "Yes, I'm fine, just not sure what happened. I mean I know what we just did. I just don't know what I've done."

He put his arm around her, "What do you mean?"

She pressed closer to him, she felt so right being in his arms. She had wanted to be with him. But she was always afraid. "I mean I think I wanted this. But I didn't think that you did. Then I realized that it wasn't just about the sex for you was it? It was about me, wasn't it?"

He comforted her as much as he could, then realized what she was getting at, "So you thought I'd just screw any girl that would let me?" The smile that he had been wearing a couple of minutes earlier was now completely gone form his face. "You were trying to play me. You really didn't wanna just do that, did you? At least not with me. I knew something wasn't right."

"That's not what happened," she started. That was all she could say before he cut her off.

"Save it," he said as he pulled away from her, put his clothes on and then stormed out of the girl's dormitory. He turned his head slightly around when he went to close the door, he realized Lily was crying, but for the first time ever, he didn't care.

She laid in bed crying for about two hours. She only realized the time because she heard Raven come into the dormitory. Raven walked in and saw Lily lying there crying.

"Lils, what happened," Raven asked running over to her. "Who did this to you? Did they rape you? I'm gonna go get James so he can kill whoever did this to you."

When Lily heard the name James come out of Raven's mouth all she could do was scream. "No!" Tears once again ran down her face.

"Lily if you weren't raped then what happened?"

By this time Torey had walked in. They were trying to figure out what happened, and Lily wasn't saying much.

Lily tried to hold back tears as much as she could so that she could answer their questions, but it wasn't working to good. She did manage to say through sobs, "I…I… It's James."

The two girls went over to Lily, they didn't understand. Raven decided to figure it out. "James did this to you? I don't understand, Lily. He cares for you. He would never rape you."

Torey chimed in, "Yea Lily, you're not making any sense."

At that exact moment they realized what she was saying, It's James, he was standing in the doorway. Neither realized until Lily pointed in that direction. James was now trying to hide his anger. He was upset from what had happened before, now Raven and Torey thought he had raped her. "What the hell were you thinking," he blurted out. "Me rape Lily? Are you out of you fucken mind? Why in the hell would I ever hurt her?"

With these words coming out of his mouth, he felt a tear roll down his cheek. He took a quick glance at Lily, she was crying again and her face was all red. He wanted to go over to her, to work things out, but it was like his feet were planted to the ground, and he couldn't move.

"Stop it," Lily cried. "All of you, stop it! This entire thing is my fault. If I hadn't tried to do this to James nothing would have ever happened." She took a deep breathe, then finished, "Get out, all of you, Get out!"

Raven and Torey raised a hand to protest, then put it back down realizing it would be no use. James on the other hand stood there without moving.

"Lily," he started, "Please, let's try and work through this, maybe this all happened for a reason."

She really wanted that to be the truth and for him to stay, but she knew it wasn't gonna work out that way. "No," she finally said as she felt the tears rolling down her face once again. "You left. You left without even giving me time to tell my side of the story. You just left, nothing will make that better." She stopped after looking down to realize she still hadn't gotten dressed. "Get out," she said with one last, final breathe.

"Evans, you'll never change. You're always gonna be like this to me. I can't stand it! I'm leaving now, because I want you to get dressed and cleaned up, but this is far from over!" He turned around and walked out the door. He startled her, for once in the seven years they knew each other, Lily knew she had really hurt James with what she had done, and he was right, this was far from over.

She uncovered herself, got out of bed, and went for a shower. She needed to clear her head from everything, and as long as she was in the castle, that wasn't gonna happen. She needed to get out of Hogwarts for the time being.