A/N: I've never done the characterization of Snape before, so I figured that I'd give it a go and of course, throw in a lot of D/G at the same time. This is meant to be slightly funny, but I'm not all that good at humor. Well, tell me how it is in a review!
Summary: Snape makes a rare trip to Hogsmeade for the first time in months. Unfortunately, he seems to keep crossing paths with a certain couple. See how Snape reacts when he can't get away from Draco and Ginny and their everlasting displays of affection.
Disclaimer: I don't own Snape, Draco, Ginny, or any of the Hogsmeade shops.
Snape's Hogsmeade Weekend
Professor Severus Snape never really liked Hogsmeade; it was much too homey and social for his tastes. All the different soft shades of green, brown, red, blue, and hogwash all got on his nerves. However, this Hogsmeade weekend Professor Snape needed to get some of his magical items refurbished at Dervish and Banges and desired to pick up trivial bits and pieces around the little village, so he decided to venture in the damnable community.
As the little annoying monsters (identified by most as 'students') packed themselves into carriages, Snape tried to find himself a coach that was reasonable empty so he wouldn't have to risk contact with any of the sniveling creatures. Out of the corner of his eye the Potions master spied Malfoy stepping into a nearby coach. Deciding that Malfoy would be the best company he could find, aside from teachers, without having to avoid the carriages altogether and just walk to Hogsmeade, Snape made to follow his pupil. He opened the door and was pleased to see that this carriage was only occupied by two students: Draco Malfoy and--Ginevra Weasley!
Snape did a double-take and stared. Malfoy and Weasley? Peacefully sitting in a carriage together? Did he miss something big that must have happened to cause this?
"Professor Snape?" The young Malfoy asked. "Coming to Hogsmeade?"
Snape snapped out of his reverie and climbed inside, sitting down next to Draco. "Ah, yes." He answered, "I need to visit Dervish and Banges."
Draco respectfully nodded and didn't add anything else in. A silence hung over the three, all waiting for the carriage to start moving.
Suddenly the carriage door opened again and an insufferable voice that Snape always dreaded to hear floated inside saying, "Excuse us, but the rest of the carriages are full--Oh, Professor Snape, good morning. Ginny, mind if we join you?"
It was that know-it-all Granger, and Potter, The-Boy-Whose-Father-Snape-Should-Have-Poisoned, with his sidekick, along with Longbottom. Granger surprised Snape by nodding curtly to Malfoy, who returned the gesture.
Snape listened in disappointment when the girl Weasley answered 'no' instead of 'yes, get out now!' and watched in horror as his hopes for a comfortable carriage ride were dashed when all four of the 7th years tried to climb in. Snape felt the air become distinctly more dirtied in the coach.
"Umm, actually, there won't be enough room for all of us." Granger pointed out when all the seats were filled up and she still hadn't gotten in yet.
"Oh, I can fix that. You can have my seat." the girl Weasley--Ginny, Snape reminded himself--got up and caused Snape's mouth to drop open by plopping down on Malfoy's lap. Snape was even more staggered when the Malfoy wrapped his arms around her to keep her secure instead of pushing her off with a revolted expression on his face. Snape looked around the carriage as it started its journey and wondered if any of the other students found what had just happened unusual.
Granger appeared to be glad to have gotten a seat, Potter seemed sleep-deprived as always, Longbottom looked like his usual terrified self, but Weasley had stiffened considerably. He didn't however, make a peep. Snape's head was reeling at the possibility that Malfoy had gotten very close to the girl Weasley without him hearing a thing about it. Was he that behind on Hogwarts news?
No one said anything for the rest of the ride to Hogsmeade. Snape was still digesting the new information in his head as everyone filed out of the carriage. He had to shake himself out of his thoughts and remind himself that he needed to visit Dervish and Banges. But first, he thought while observing Malfoy walk hand in hand with Ginny into The Three Broomsticks, he should stop for a drink, too. After all, Dervish and Banges was fairly far away at the end of the Hogsmeade main road.
Severus stepped into the drink shop and greeted the owner, Madam Rosmerta, and ordered himself red currant rum. He got his beverage and sat down, preparing to relax a little (away from the little monsters dubbed 'students') before making his trip. The Three Broomsticks hadn't changed too much since the last time he visited, although it looked like they were serving several new drinks if the flashy signs were any indicators.
Scanning the crowd Snape spotted Malfoy and Weasley not too far away, sitting together and enjoying some juice. It looked like Malfoy was saying something funny to Weasley because she laughed and hit his arm. Curious, Snape took another sip of his drink and tried to inconspicuously eavesdrop on their conversation.
He choked on his rum and felt very nauseated when he caught a particularly lewd innuendo Malfoy made to Weasley. Where on earth did Malfoy learn about that? Snape quickly left The Three Broomsticks and promised himself to never listen in on those two's tête-à-tête ever again. He didn't need horrid mental images plaguing his sleep, thank you very much. In fact, he shouldn't have a thought at all about Malfoy and Weasley while he was sleeping. That would just be awfully bizarre.
Snape's stepping out of the parlor was very sudden and as luck would have it, a little, lowly creature that looked like the annoying third year in his second block stumbled into him. Snape was feeling very out of sorts after all the new things he had discovered about Malfoy and Weasley, so he did one of the few things that was sure to make him feel better: he terrorized the poor chap.
"Watch where you're going, you little ogre!"
The 'little ogre' shrank back from Snape in fear, too scared to speak.
"That would have cost you 20 points if we were in Hogwarts!"
The student just nodded dumbly.
"Well, what are you still here for? Leave!" Snape felt much better after watching the undergraduate scamper away.
Snape made his way down the main road of Hogsmeade, cringing when he saw the Shrieking Shack. Better to avoid that structure. Snape walked on, passing the post office and grimacing at the awful stench of owl dropping. Now he remembered another reason why he didn't make a habit of visiting Hogsmeade: there were certain buildings here that he'd rather steer clear of.
Snape was just at the entrance of Honeydukes when he caught sight of Minerva McGonagall. Thinking back to the most recent Quidditch match that had taken place, the one where Slytherin had lost to Gryffindor, and remembering that the Gryffindor head of house still hadn't had a chance to shake his hand over the results, Snape slid into the nearest shop. The door closed and McGonagall didn't turn around quickly enough to see the Potions master, so he was safe for now. Snape stepped further into the store, not at all eager to be seen and therefore forced to congratulate the Gryffindor Quidditch team over his house's loss.
Severus turned around and yet again saw two annoying familiar figures. Malfoy and Weasley. How did they get in here without him seeing?
As he watched, Weasley snatched the last sample off a plate of sweets that Malfoy obviously wanted to try. Snape was just about to start feeling slightly sorry for the young Malfoy until said Malfoy gave what could only be described as a predatory smirk before grabbing (inappropriately) Weasley's shoulders. He then proceeded to glue his mouth to Weasley's. Their faces were disgustingly close together and their lips were doing that thing--kissing, right--although the way they were doing it was more like devouring each other's mouths. Snape was appalled.
Not the slightest aware of his audience, Malfoy pushed Weasley against a wall and became even more enthusiastic in their…err…activity. It looked like Malfoy was trying to pry the sweet out of Weasley's mouth. Someone needs to talk to their parents, Snape thought, thoroughly sickened. It looked like both of the couple was really enjoying themselves. Did Snape just see some tongue! He was scarred for the rest of his life!
Severus idly wondered if Weasley's brother knew about what his sister and Malfoy engaged in. The couple looked very comfortable fused together in public, and all the students near them just ignored the scene. Snape winced at what that would imply: that they did this very often. It must be torture to have Weasley and Malfoy together with you all day.
How could Malfoy let himself be seen like this, Snape wondered. Did he have no house or family pride? Severus, however, didn't get very far along that train of thought because the couple started making noises that would make even Snape blush (the horror! Snape, blushing!), so Snape decided that was his cue to stop watching them and leave. Snape turned around and exited Honeydukes, robes billowing behind him.
Unfortunately for him, Minerva McGonagall was still outside where Snape had left her. Upon spotting him coming out of the candy store, she approached him, "Ah, Severus, it's good to see you in Hogsmeade. You don't come often."
Snape inwardly cursed his luck and the fact that he hadn't checked for her before stepping outside again. Then he inwardly damned the transfiguration professor for not moving since he had hid in Honeydukes, "Professor McGonagall," he greeted. "You are quite right; I only visited Hogsmeade today because I needed to go to Dervish and Banges." He explained.
Professor McGonagall nodded and brought up the dreaded subject, "Did you enjoy the Quidditch game last week?"
Snape gave her a horribly forced smile, "Yes, your house team's performance was spectacular," Spectacularly dreadful, you only won by luck, Snape added in his head. "Con-gra-tu-la-tions." He said, practically having to rip the words out of his mouth, and shook her hand.
Professor McGonagall smile triumphantly and thankfully left. Snape watched sourly, adding yet another bad Hogsmeade incident to his long list. Then he went off to Gladrags Wizardwear. He wanted to see if he could find himself a new pair of robes.
Snape was browsing through some racks when he spotted Malfoy and Weasley further in the shop. Them? Again! How do they move around so fast? The vein in Snape's forehead was pulsing in outrage. He didn't even see them leave Honeydukes! And Snape hadn't crossed paths with Potter and his followers once yet, but had already run into this couple twice, or three times, depending on how you defined 'running into'. But that's beside the point, the point is, why is he seeing them everywhere?
This time, the couple was wrapped around each other, feeding the other some candy Snape supposed they bought from Honeydukes, and giving each other an occasional kiss.
Snape was once again appalled. Do they always have to be wedged together? Couldn't they just stand apart and talk for Merlin's sake? And why the hell doesn't anyone do anything about those two? Before he could see anymore, he turned around again and left. This time he headed straight for Dervish and Banges without making any stops. Those two could not possibly make it there before him.
Professor Snape opened the door to Dervish and Banges and cautiously glanced around, knowing he was becoming paranoid. He was extremely glad to see no sign of the by now very annoying and infuriating couple. The potions master had his items fixed without event while he silently fumed about Malfoy and Weasley. They were ruining his already bad Hogsmeade visit with their repeated engagements in sordid displays of affection. This trip was turning out to be a nightmare.
He sighed. It was all about getting into the other person's pants these days. What happened to good old hand holding? Snape stopped that train of thought in abhorrence. He did not just think that! That's it! If he sees those two one more time he'll have no choice but to poison their drinks tomorrow morning. They weren't doing anything wrong necessarily--wait, PDA wasn't allowed, technically--but their little shows were slowly driving him mad. Look at the ridiculous thoughts going through his head!
Snape, after working himself all up, stormed out of Dervish and Banges. He needed some more of that red currant rum. He walked quickly back to The Three Broomsticks, not too eager to go into Madam Puddifoot's or The Hog's Head.
He pushed the door open and let out a cry of dismay (and also staggered back). Right in front of him sat Malfoy and Weasley, blatantly obvious, affectionately licking what looked like cream off each others' faces. They must have gotten it on their faces while drinking. Could they at least be discreet about what they were doing?
Not caring that the whole store had become quiet and its patrons were staring at him, Snape walked right out. Again. Before he decided that poison wasn't fast enough and he preferred his wand and some well-thought out spells.
The professor stalked his way to the Shrieking Shack, breathing deeply to calm himself down. He stared at the broken down building, trying to soothe his mind. Contacting the parents wasn't fast enough, Snape decided; he'd have to talk to Weasley and Malfoy himself. Any more shows and he'd be over the edge. Snape realized that he was still holding his rum in his hands. He downed it, but it wasn't nearly strong enough. Tonight, he was going to get himself some very strong scotch or whiskey and drive those images of Malfoy and Weasley from his mind. Running his hands through his hair, which really only looked greasy, Severus breathed deeply one last time and headed for the carriages.
He was leaving now.
He knew that going to Hogsmeade was bad luck for him. He should have had his stuff mailed to Dervish and Banges and be done with.
Snape arrived at the boarding area and flung open the door of a waiting carriage…only to be fallen on by a blonde male and redhead female who were apparently inside but not very balanced.
"MR. MALFOY! MS. WEASLEY!" He shouted, finally at the end of his fuse, "I don't know how you two always get away with this atrocious behavior but I'M STOPPING IT RIGHT NOW! If I see you two doing anything inappropriate anymore I shall give both of you separate detention for the next three months and deduct 200 points from each house. You two are DRIVING ME MAD with all this…this…snogging! Now get out of my sight!" And with that Snape slammed the carriage door with grave finality.
Inside, Snape uncharacteristically slumped against the seats. Well, that little outing was just swell.
It was probably the worst Hogsmeade visit of his life!
End
A/N: What did you think? The main purpose of this was for me to try out a character sketch of Snape slowly going insane, as you can see, but for fun I threw in D/G. Review!