TITLE: Unsung
AUTHOR: Amberina
E-MAIL: amberina426@aol.com
RATING: R for language and other...things
PAIRING: Spike/Dawn
SPOILERS: early S7
SUMMARY: Dawn POV on her and Spike's relationship.
LYRICS: They belong to Vanessa Carlton, off of her "Be Not Nobody" CD. The song is called "Unsung." I make no claim to it's genius.
DISCLAIMER: Not mine, never was, never will be (probably.)
FEEDBACK: Ooh, yes. Please. You know you want to.
ARCHIVING: Lil Nibblin, SU, UCSL, Aurora, Summers Sun. Anyone else ask first.
DEDICATION: Emily, because great minds think alike! Consider it a Christmas present. I wish I could have made it happier, but well, I think I suck at fluff. So here, for you, is some angsty, Vanessa Carlton-laced Spawn shippiness! Enjoy and have a merry Christmas!
UNSUNG
By Amberina
The CD spins in the player. The one I have has a clear top, and you can watch it spin around, and around, and around. So I do. The graphics on the CD are a blur, as the music kicks in. I don't know why I listen to this song. It always reminds me of Spike, which reminds me of our relationship which is so confusing, it makes me want to tear out my hair. But I listen to it anyway. Maybe I'm just a masochist at heart.
If only I could get into that corner of your head
Where things finally match and meet the standards that you set
Oh how I wish I was the treasure you were looking for
Bet I would feel better if I could only find the door
Since he came back from God only knows where, all insane and babbling, he's been even harder to fingure out. I'm not sure what he wants from me, I'm not sure why he lets me kiss him. I do kiss him, and he lets me. I say it as him letting me, because I know his heart isn't in it. I know this because, he always ends up pushing me away, babbling about Buffy and how she will kill him and how that would be for the best anyway. I tell him that his unlife or whatever the hell you want to call it, is worth a lot, at least to me, and he cries, which I mean, it freaked me out at first.
He doesn't cry for me, though. He cries for Buffy. And it kills me. He loves Buffy. He still loves Buffy. He doesn't love me. Maybe he never will. But I keep going back anyway.
I am cryin'
You aren't tryin'
I am melting away
I don't think he even notices that I am in love with him. I'm sure he'd care if he knew. Right? I'm not so sure anymore. My love for him is burning inside me, and it is melting me away. I'm not Dawn anymore, I'm just Spike's whatever I am to him. But not Dawn. Because he would never kiss Dawn, right? So where did Dawn go?
I'm not sure.
I wait for the words on the tip of your tongue
I'm only as good as the last one
Well you decide and I abide as my song goes unsung
I'd do anything for him. I would die. I would kill. I would do anything. Just for him. But none of that matters, as it is still Buffy he calls to in his sleep, still Buffy he . . . God, I can't do this anymore. I just can't.
Things are goin' crazy and I'm not sure who to blame
Everything is changing and I do not feel the same
I'm slipping through the cracks of floors I though that were strong
I'm trying to find a place where I belong
Kit tells me that I should forget about him, that he's way too old for me anyway. She tells me that Carlos has a thing for me, but I don't want Carlso, dammit, I want Spike. And I have him and I don't have him and I want him and he wants Buffy and I need him and he needs to snap the fuck out of it and God it's killing me.
Well I am cryin'
You're not tryin'
I am melting away
Sometimes he'll look at me, like mabe just maybe he does see me as *Dawn* not just his 'lil bit o' Buffy' - the thing he's with simply because he can't get close to Buffy anymore. Sometimes there's a sparkle and a clarity in his eye that tells me that he recognizes that it is me there, and that I love him, and sometimes I think I see love in his eye. But it's always gone as quickly as it came and then he's crazier and more in love with Buffy than before. He's started to call me Buffy. I'm not even 'Lil Bit' or 'Niblet' anymore - I'm my fucking sister who he tried to rape. I think he has started to see Buffy when he looks at me.
I wait for the words on the tip of your tongue
I'm only as good as the last one
Well you decide and I abide as my song goes unsung
He's a raving lunatic, he's gone totally mad and what do I do? I go and I kiss him and I touch him and he calls me Buffy and then I go home and cry while listening to angsty music. I'm starting to wonder if I'm not as screwed up as he is.
If I could be the lesson that you learn, you learn, if only
I could be the last one that love burns, it burns, yeah
Sometimes I wish that he never came back from Africa. Sometimes I wish that he had never gotten his soul back. Sometimes I wish he could love me. But I don't fool myself. The only times he ever loves me is when he thinks I'm Buffy. Sometimes I wish I could kill him when he asks me to. Sometimes I wish that he'd kill me if I ask him to. But he wouldn't, no of course not. Because Buffy would never approve.
If only i could get into that corner of your head
Where things finally match and meet the standards that you set
Oh how I wish I was the treasure you were looking for
Bet i would feel better if I could only find the door
I sigh as the song fades out and there's silence for a few moments. I quickly press the stop button before the next track starts to play and open up the CD player. I lift the disc out and hold it up to the light. I contemplate throwing it out the window, but I finally place it back in its case.
After all this angst and complaining, I still do what I always do. I go to see Spike. Because I love him.
THE END
AUTHOR: Amberina
E-MAIL: amberina426@aol.com
RATING: R for language and other...things
PAIRING: Spike/Dawn
SPOILERS: early S7
SUMMARY: Dawn POV on her and Spike's relationship.
LYRICS: They belong to Vanessa Carlton, off of her "Be Not Nobody" CD. The song is called "Unsung." I make no claim to it's genius.
DISCLAIMER: Not mine, never was, never will be (probably.)
FEEDBACK: Ooh, yes. Please. You know you want to.
ARCHIVING: Lil Nibblin, SU, UCSL, Aurora, Summers Sun. Anyone else ask first.
DEDICATION: Emily, because great minds think alike! Consider it a Christmas present. I wish I could have made it happier, but well, I think I suck at fluff. So here, for you, is some angsty, Vanessa Carlton-laced Spawn shippiness! Enjoy and have a merry Christmas!
UNSUNG
By Amberina
The CD spins in the player. The one I have has a clear top, and you can watch it spin around, and around, and around. So I do. The graphics on the CD are a blur, as the music kicks in. I don't know why I listen to this song. It always reminds me of Spike, which reminds me of our relationship which is so confusing, it makes me want to tear out my hair. But I listen to it anyway. Maybe I'm just a masochist at heart.
If only I could get into that corner of your head
Where things finally match and meet the standards that you set
Oh how I wish I was the treasure you were looking for
Bet I would feel better if I could only find the door
Since he came back from God only knows where, all insane and babbling, he's been even harder to fingure out. I'm not sure what he wants from me, I'm not sure why he lets me kiss him. I do kiss him, and he lets me. I say it as him letting me, because I know his heart isn't in it. I know this because, he always ends up pushing me away, babbling about Buffy and how she will kill him and how that would be for the best anyway. I tell him that his unlife or whatever the hell you want to call it, is worth a lot, at least to me, and he cries, which I mean, it freaked me out at first.
He doesn't cry for me, though. He cries for Buffy. And it kills me. He loves Buffy. He still loves Buffy. He doesn't love me. Maybe he never will. But I keep going back anyway.
I am cryin'
You aren't tryin'
I am melting away
I don't think he even notices that I am in love with him. I'm sure he'd care if he knew. Right? I'm not so sure anymore. My love for him is burning inside me, and it is melting me away. I'm not Dawn anymore, I'm just Spike's whatever I am to him. But not Dawn. Because he would never kiss Dawn, right? So where did Dawn go?
I'm not sure.
I wait for the words on the tip of your tongue
I'm only as good as the last one
Well you decide and I abide as my song goes unsung
I'd do anything for him. I would die. I would kill. I would do anything. Just for him. But none of that matters, as it is still Buffy he calls to in his sleep, still Buffy he . . . God, I can't do this anymore. I just can't.
Things are goin' crazy and I'm not sure who to blame
Everything is changing and I do not feel the same
I'm slipping through the cracks of floors I though that were strong
I'm trying to find a place where I belong
Kit tells me that I should forget about him, that he's way too old for me anyway. She tells me that Carlos has a thing for me, but I don't want Carlso, dammit, I want Spike. And I have him and I don't have him and I want him and he wants Buffy and I need him and he needs to snap the fuck out of it and God it's killing me.
Well I am cryin'
You're not tryin'
I am melting away
Sometimes he'll look at me, like mabe just maybe he does see me as *Dawn* not just his 'lil bit o' Buffy' - the thing he's with simply because he can't get close to Buffy anymore. Sometimes there's a sparkle and a clarity in his eye that tells me that he recognizes that it is me there, and that I love him, and sometimes I think I see love in his eye. But it's always gone as quickly as it came and then he's crazier and more in love with Buffy than before. He's started to call me Buffy. I'm not even 'Lil Bit' or 'Niblet' anymore - I'm my fucking sister who he tried to rape. I think he has started to see Buffy when he looks at me.
I wait for the words on the tip of your tongue
I'm only as good as the last one
Well you decide and I abide as my song goes unsung
He's a raving lunatic, he's gone totally mad and what do I do? I go and I kiss him and I touch him and he calls me Buffy and then I go home and cry while listening to angsty music. I'm starting to wonder if I'm not as screwed up as he is.
If I could be the lesson that you learn, you learn, if only
I could be the last one that love burns, it burns, yeah
Sometimes I wish that he never came back from Africa. Sometimes I wish that he had never gotten his soul back. Sometimes I wish he could love me. But I don't fool myself. The only times he ever loves me is when he thinks I'm Buffy. Sometimes I wish I could kill him when he asks me to. Sometimes I wish that he'd kill me if I ask him to. But he wouldn't, no of course not. Because Buffy would never approve.
If only i could get into that corner of your head
Where things finally match and meet the standards that you set
Oh how I wish I was the treasure you were looking for
Bet i would feel better if I could only find the door
I sigh as the song fades out and there's silence for a few moments. I quickly press the stop button before the next track starts to play and open up the CD player. I lift the disc out and hold it up to the light. I contemplate throwing it out the window, but I finally place it back in its case.
After all this angst and complaining, I still do what I always do. I go to see Spike. Because I love him.
THE END