A/N. Ever since I saw episode 1x15 'Padre' a few weeks ago, well I knew it was definitely one of my favourite episodes, but I also knew that there was A LOT more that I would have like to see in there. Mainly in how Stef was feeling, how her father's death was really affecting her, how she was really feeling about the whole baby thing and of course, the Callie conversation. So this is basically just a whole lot of extra stuff I would have liked to see in the episode. It does kind of follow the episode (and has parts from it in here so they belong to creators), but there are also quite a few extra bits that are just my take on things. Will probably only be 2 parts. Enjoy, and please leave a review!

Part 1

Stef woke up abruptly, jumping in her sleep. She felt slow tears make tracks down her face and onto her pillow. That dream had felt so real, but the more she thought about it, the more unrealistic it really seemed. She hadn't spoken freely like that with her Dad for so long, she couldn't even remember the last time. All her recent memories of her Dad involve arguments, judging, frustration and anger. It had been years since they had just had a regular conversation that didn't end in one of them snapping and leaving. What kind of relationship was that? It wasn't one really. She had become so estranged from her father that she had no idea what to feel at the moment. Of course she was sad, but there were so many other feelings swimming around she felt like she was drowning. She felt guilty, so guilty that the last thing she said to him was so horrible, but she also felt angry. Angry that he had made their relationship that way, and angry that he had never been able to accept her for whom she really was. She felt her body begin to shake and a sob escape her lips.

Lena quickly sat up, moving closer to Stef who was facing away from her and placed a hand on her back.

"Stef, honey. Are you alright?"

"Yeah, I'm fine. Sorry for waking you" she said quietly, in a voice that proved she was anything but fine.

"It's ok to be upset you know…" Lena said, putting her arms around her and holding Stef's back to her chest.

"I'm not upset…" Stef snapped back angrily, before bringing her hands up to cover her face. "Sorry, I didn't mean that love"

"Hey, roll over and talk to me please…" Lena said, pushing back so Stef could turn and face her. Her heart broke as she saw her wife's bloodshot eyes and tear stained cheeks.

"I'm just so angry at him Lena. Our relationship shouldn't have been like this. I don't know how to feel…"

"Shh its ok, it's ok to feel confused" Lena said, running her hand through Stef's hair tenderly.

Stef just nodded her head, her hand resting on Lena's arm.

"I think I'm just going to get up…" she said, pulling away from Lena and hopping out of bed before she could protest.

"Stef, its only 5am…"

"I know, but I'm not going to be able to sleep so I may as well get up and start getting stuff ready for today…" she said, grabbing her robe from the chair in the corner of the room.

"Well I'll come help you…"

"No, it's fine. You get some more sleep hun." Stef kissed Lena on the cheek, then walked out of their bedroom and shut the door behind her.

Lena sighed, flopping back onto the bed. She was so worried about Stef at the moment. She had been so distant since her father had died. When she came home that day after finding him, she was as pale as a ghost. It took her half an hour to even tell Lena what had happened. Since then, she had continued to pull away from Lena and the kids every chance she got. Aside from eating breakfast and dinner with them, Stef would disappear into their room or outside to be by herself. The kids were starting to worry too. But Stef, being the stubborn person that she was refused to give any answer other than she was 'fine'. Today was Frank's funeral, and she knew it was going to be an extremely hard day for her wife. Lena just wanted to support her as best she could, but she herself was struggling, especially with Stef keeping everything so bottled up.

Stef's tone was dull and her voice was lacking its usual spark. It seemed as if she had retreated even further into herself as the day went on. She was not herself on the way to the church, but Lena just put that down to anxiety about the service. Now that they were home though, there was definitely something else still on her mind. As all the kids clambered up the stairs, Jude hung back behind them.

"Mom. Is it ok if Connor comes over today, would that be weird?"

Lena was caught momentarily off guard, before recovering and giving Jude the answer he was looking for.

"I think that's a great idea, why don't you go and call him?"

As Jude rushed by her to get to the phone, she felt Stef's hand on her back.

"He called me Mom…" Lena said quietly.

Lena saw the first genuine smile she had seen from her wife all week. That beautiful but playful smile that she fell in love with all those years ago. Stef didn't have to say anything, in that moment there on the stairs; Lena knew her wife was happy. Maybe Stef was finally going to start working through this; maybe she was going to be ok.

Stef pushed around the chairs outside absent-mindedly, no idea if she was trying to neaten them up or rearrange them. She was really just pushing them around for something to do. Her thoughts were all over the place at the moment, and she felt like she had absolutely no control over it. Hearing Lena's joy at Jude calling her Mom made Stef's entire body feel warm and tingly. She loved those kids, and she was glad that their youngest was finally starting to feel a part of the family. But her mind keeps going back to those pills she found this morning, and she can't help but feel betrayed. How could Lena do that? How could she go behind her back and make such a big decision without mentioning anything about it? She had never mentioned wanting a baby before, and she wants one now? Now that they have three teenagers and are trying to adopt two more? Surely Lena knows that they don't have the room, or the money for that matter to raise another child? It just wouldn't be possible. She sighed heavily, sitting down in one of the chairs and resting her head in her hands. She looked up to see Marianna and Callie cooking in the kitchen, a small smile on her face as she watched the sweet moment. One thing that she was happy about was that Callie was back home. She was so glad that girl was safe, and Stef was going to do everything she could to make sure Callie got what she deserved. Callie had been through so much, and she needed this family, whether she could see it yet or not.

Stef felt numb as she let her head fall back into her hands. After the service today, and after seeing that Pastor again so many years later; she felt like she was a confused teenager again. She loves Lena, of course she does; no matter what she has been keeping from her lately. But seeing that Pastor up there, giving this beautiful eulogy about the wonderful man her father was, well it was a little hard to take. Stef had to stop herself from bolting out of the church right then and there when she heard the Pastor say that 'Frank was a giving man, and he was a man that gave so much to the church and the community. He accepted and befriended all of those who needed him…' How was it possible that her own father was able to accept strangers, but not accept his own daughter? It was baffling to her. Stef pulled her head up to see Lena and Mike looking at her through the window. She quickly pulled herself out of the chair and went out into the backyard, not being able to stand the pitying looks they were giving her. It was worse than when she got shot all those weeks ago.

Lena sighed as she listened to Mike tell her about the article that had been in the paper this morning. She shook her head in disbelief, concern radiating across all of her features.

"It's going to be ok, I mean this is all going to go away right?" she asked.

Mike shrugged, the lines of his forehead creasing in frustration.

"I don't know, I know it was supposed to go away. I was supposed to be going back to work next week, but now they're not letting me."

"That's terrible Mike."

Mike turned his attention out the window to where Stef was sitting at the outside table, her head in her hands.

"How's she doing?" he asked seriously.

"She's ok. I mean, you know Stef. She keeps everything so close to her chest that it's hard to tell sometimes."

Just as Lena finished talking Stef looked up, seeing the two staring at her. She sighed as she watched Stef get up as quickly as she could and rush off round the corner. She wasn't quite running, but she might as well have been.

"I feel like the more I ask how she's feeling, or if she's ok, the worse she gets. She has moments where she seems to be handling it, then all of a sudden her face goes blank and she's back to that…" Lena said, gesturing at the window. "I know she's upset that she didn't get to talk to her Dad before he died. She was going over there to apologize about the car, but it was too late…"

"Yeah, well it's got to be pretty tough. I'm sure she will come around."

"I hope so"

As Mike headed into the other room, Lena felt Callie hovering behind her.

"Lena…" she said quietly.

"Yes sweetie, what's up?" Lena said, turning around and trying her best to smile.

"Um… Is… Is Stef ok?" she stuttered.

Lena sighed heavily, wrapping her arm around Callie's shoulders. Sometimes she forgot just how observant the teenager was. For someone who had been through so much, and suffered so much, Callie's ability to worry about everyone else still astounded her.

"She's grieving, she's sad I guess." Lena said simply. There was no point trying to sugar coat it for Callie, she knew that she would see right through her.

"It's hard to lose a parent – and I know Stef and her Dad weren't on great terms. It must be really hard for her." Callie said quietly.

Lena's heart ached for the girl, pulling her closer into her side as she thought about how Callie losing her mother all those years ago.

"Yeah, it is hard for her. Stef is a pretty closed person sometimes; she doesn't like people seeing her emotions. I think right now it's hard for her to give up being the strong one, like she normally is…" Lena said, turning to look at Callie to see her reaction. She wondered if the teen could see the similarities.

"Hmm, she kind of sounds like me." Callie scoffed, smiling when she saw her foster mother grinning back at her.

"I was just thinking the same thing…"

As the guests started arriving, Stef felt like she was just wandering around the house in a daze. People would stop her as she walked past them, telling her 'she had a lovely home and they were so sorry for her loss. Her father was a good man'. A part of Stef felt like laughing in the person's face each time it was spoken. Was her father a good man? Was he a good man for shunning his daughter and spending ten years disapproving of her choices? She had no idea.

She grabbed a piece of licorice as Marianna walked past her carrying the tray.

"Aren't these a little, you know dark for a funeral?"

"They were Dad's favourite" she answered simply, putting a piece into her mouth to chew on. "He used to say it was the only candy he could have in the house that I wouldn't steal, but now I love it."

Marianna looked doubtfully at her.

"You should try some…" Stef suggested.

As Marianna attempted to put the licorice in her mouth, Stef noticed something over her daughter's shoulder.

Lena was standing on the far side of the room, playing peek-a-boo with a baby. Stef felt her stomach flip and her heart start to beat a little bit faster. She felt like she was staring, but she couldn't look away. How could she ignore this, was Lena really trying to have a baby without so much as mentioning it to her? She watched her wife's face light up as the baby smiled back at her, and suddenly it was all too much for her. She excused herself from Marianna before bolting upstairs and into their bedroom. She shut the door behind her, dropping to the floor by their bed and leaning up against it. She took some deep breaths, trying to steady her quickening pulse. She couldn't do this, she couldn't get back out there and listen to all these people and have all these strangers in her house. She just felt like crawling into bed and pulling the blankets up over her so she could hide. She knew she was being ridiculous, and she knew that that was not the way an adult should handle their problems. If this was one of the kids she would tell them to take some time, and then face their problems head on. But she was so exhausted. She just wanted to give up. And now that she felt so distant from Lena, the one person who was supposed to be there for her and trust her with everything, well Stef felt like what used to be solid ground was now constantly shifting on her. And she had no idea how to steady it again.