Title: Orange Skies
Summary: It felt like she was saying goodbye.
Characters: Carson & Teyla
Rating: K+
Episode: 36 – The Ark.

When Teyla woke, she was aware of a presence at her bedside. It was not an unfamiliar sensation – not when she was in the infirmary, at least – and she found that she was almost comforted by it. She made a little noise in the back of her throat and she felt the person move, the almost imperceptible weight lifting from the edge of her bed and when she opened her eyes, Carson was hovering by her bedside.

Without his white coat on, Teyla knew he was not on duty and that his presence was not medically related. His hair was rumpled from sleep, his eyes glossy and Teyla wondered what it was that had drawn him from his bed at such a late hour.

"Carson?" He looked down to her with a tired smile and Teyla returned it. "Are you well?"

He let out an airy laugh at that and ducked his head to hide his half smile.

"I'm the one who should be asking you that." She conceded with a nod and a smile but did not speak. The infirmary was dark and quiet, the low lighting casting dark shadows across the sterile floor. The moons' rays leaked in through the windows at the far side with an eerie glow that seemed to chill her when she looked at them. She hated the infirmary at night; and not only because it reminded her that, once again, she almost hadn't made it. "Are you all right? I didn't wake you, did I?" She shook her head and smiled. She could see him breathe a sigh of relief and his shoulders sagged slightly, as though dragged down by gravity. "Good."

Silence stretched between them and Teyla watched as he touched a few buttons on the Ancestral machine at her bedside, his face grey in the light.

"Carson..."

He turned to her, almost agitated and Teyla narrowed her eyes at him.

"Aye, love?"

She reached out, brushing her fingers against the back of his hand and she felt him jerk at the contact, looking down at her startled.

"Are you well?"

He sighed and dropped into his seat, his knuckles finding their way into his eyes. She reigned in the desire to reach out to him again; if she had learned anything of the people from Earth it was that they would speak in their own time. She was not one to pry.

He sighed again and looked up almost ready to say something before he shut his eyes and shook his head.

"It's nothing." She pursed her lips at him, but did not push. Carson, she had discovered over the years, was not like the others. Rodney, for his faults, had assimilated to the military style of Atlantis – had even started to enjoy going off world. Carson had not – she didn't think he ever would. She had no doubt that, if pushed, he could do what was needed of him – she had seen it in the storm when he'd flown them through his fear -, but she knew that, despite his friendships, despite Rodney and Laura, he was alone, isolated. Perhaps even because of Rodney; she knew from experience that his friendship was draining. "It's just..."

She did reach out, covering his hand with hers and she drew his eyes up to hers. She tried to smile to him.

"You do not need to-"

"I know," he interrupted quickly, turning his hand under hers and gripping her fingers between his in a gesture that was more comforting to him than her. "But I want to." He took a breath then shook his head again, laughing lightly in the back of his throat. "It's silly really." She nodded encouragingly. "I had a dream – I don't know that I would call it a nightmare but it was one of the most unsettling things I've ever experienced and in this place, that's saying something." She smiled lightly at his attempt at humour but he did not see it, his eyes on the sheets. "I was just... standing beneath an orange sky, with Rodney on one of the piers." He shook his head again, looking up to meet her eyes fleetingly and she tried to hide the frown on her face. "I know; I can't explain it." She could hear the thickness to his words, saw the way his throat bobbed up and down as he gulped and she felt a pang in her chest. "I just..." He sighed, blinking quickly as he looked away, drawing his lips between his teeth. "It felt as though he was saying goodbye."

She did not know what to say. Instead, she drew his hand closer to her side and tried to will him to look up at her. When he didn't she tugged on his hand again and he turned his eyes up to her and she saw the unshed tears there.

"Carson..."

"I know," he said as he swiped at his face with the back of his hand. "It just seemed..." He took a breath, deep and steady and pinned her with his stare. "It seemed very real."

She smiled.

"It is natural that you should feel this way," she said quietly, hoping her words were of some comfort to him. "We live a dangerous life; we fear losing the people closest to us." She tightened her grip on his fingers again. "Our dreams are manifestations of those fears." She licked her lips and fought for words, fought to keep control of her own fears. "We cannot allow them to beat the best of us."

He looked up to her and smiled but she could see the falseness to it; that despite her words, he was not placated, not calmed at all. Perhaps her quiet presence would have been enough for him.

"I should let you rest."

He was up and moving away from her before she could protest. When he reached the threshold, she called his name and he paused, turning only minutely.

"Be safe."

He nodded once and moved away.

After he left, his discontent lingered. Sometime later, when Teyla closed her eyes, finally falling back into slumber, she dreamed of piers and orange skies.

It felt like she was saying goodbye.